05/24/2009
stress
stress
   

Guest List
Hurt Feelings

I just recently told a distant relative (4th cousin) that she wasn't invited to the wedding. She wasn't on the guest list originally, but I knew she was wanted to come to the wedding since she asked for an invite on my facebook.

I honestly had no issues with her coming, although she wasn't on the guest list originally, but my maid of honour (my cousin) and her mother don't fancy this distant relative and would rather not be in her presnece. The last 3 times I've spoken to my MOH she asked me not to invite her since it will stress her and her mother out.

I love my MOH (alhtough she has a very difficult personality and is sometimes selfish) and her mother, who was like my second mother growing up.

I just hurt this distant relatives feelings and I feel terrible.

I am also worried that my uncle is going to hold a grudge and make life difficult for me now, since he worships this distant relative and is best friends with her. Oh my.

Did I do the right thing?

I wouldn't mind having her at the wedding, but I don't want to piss off my MOH and her mother ...Also don't want to have feeelings hurt and an uncle mad at me.....

I feel like I am in the middle of the Triple Alliance and Triple Entente.

What do you girls think? Words of advice much apprecaited.
guest list, stress, relatives
comments 9 fave it permalink visit: 144
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princessofdenial's Blue wedding
princessofdenial
 |  Johnson city, TN, USA  |  05/24/2009  | 
TBH it's your wedding. Your guest list shouldn't be dictated by your MOH, her mother or your uncle. If you want this relative to be at your wedding then she should be on the guest list and you shouldn't feel guilty for it. MOH and her mother do not have to sit near or socialize with your distant cousin. On the same token if you choose to not invite this guest your uncle has no right to be upset. I know it's hard because you don't want to hurt feelings but it's your wedding, your money, your guest list.
tiggre99's Red wedding
tiggre99
 |  Fairfax, VA, USA  |  05/24/2009  | 
This is kind of tough---but I feel as if your MOH and her mom were out of place to ask you not to invite someone to YOUR wedding.  People should learn to put their feelings aside for one day.  You could always sit them so they aren't near each other.  Personally if you wanted her there then you should invite her; however seeing as she wasn't originally invited, then I wouldn't worry about it.  BUT if you were going to invite her because she asked and you dont' mind her being there---talk to your MOH and her mom and let them know how you feel and invite her anyway (despite you already telling her no).  It is your wedding and should be able to invite whoever you want and those close to you should be able to suck it up and be nice for a couple hours.  I just don't think your MOH and her mom had any room to tell you not to invite anyone to your wedding.
nocturnius's White wedding
nocturnius
 |  Cocoa, FL, USA  |  05/24/2009  | 
Agreeing with Princess that if YOU want this person there, then she should be there. Also agreeing with Tiggre that your MOH and her mother are out of line asking you not to invite someone to your wedding. That isn't their place. They are going to have to face people that they don't like and who stress them out everyday - they can deal with it for a few hours at a wedding.

I absolutely HATED my husband's best man, but I sucked it up and dealt with him being there... and I was the BRIDE!
futuresmrst's Black wedding
futuresmrst
 |  USA  |  05/24/2009  | 
i completely agree with tiggre99!
here2help's Blue wedding
here2help
 |  Mesa, AZ, USA  |  05/24/2009  | 
Its YOUR wedding, and you're paying for it! Right? Ok, so that means that YOU get to invite whomever you want!! They can be adults about it and suck it up for one night. If you don't mind her being there, then by all means, invite her!! If your MOH and her mom wanna dictate the guest list, then THEY can fork over the money to pay for the wedding!!! Sounds harsh, but so true!!
mkokos's Green wedding
mkokos
 |  Eugene, OR, USA  |  05/25/2009  | 
You already made a tough decagons.
I so feel the same way about are guest list. It would be nice if they were there but you won't miss them if they don’t come. If you are concerned about your uncle then call him if not let it go there are other things to concentrate on. It just suck to focuses on things that are out of your control.(like others feelings) No mater what you do it will disappoint some one. Hope things work out for you
futuremrscarrejola's Purple wedding
futuremrscarrejola
 |  Brampton, ON, Canada  |  05/25/2009  | 
i am sorry that you have had to face such an issue and hope you are feeling a little better.  i also have to agree with princessofdenial and tiggre99.  they both said it well.
2009winterbride's Red wedding
2009winterbride
 |  Grande prairie, AB, Canada  |  05/27/2009  | 
Thank-you Thank-you Thank-you ladies.  After my feelings are settled and I am going to deal with this in a proactive manner. I WILL in the future invite the distant relative, but for now I will talk with parties who don't like'/want her presence and let them down easily :).
seanandbrianforever's Blue wedding
seanandbrianforever
 |  Hawthorne, CA, USA  |  06/18/2009  | 
I completely agree with tiggre99.  I couldn't have said it better
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