Emotional

Wedding is postponed or over.

Oh no, I hope things work out for you.

me too. I was trying to get through the post without blubbering like a mess and keep it together and try just me matter of fact and making everything clear cut. buts it not. Its complicated.

be*

I didn't realize how close your wedding is, try and stay strong and positive.

I'm sorry to hear that. You poor thing. It must have been quite a hard thing to acknowledge a problem. I agree that you need space and distance to sort out what's in your head, and it will probably help FH too. Check yourself into the hotel and allow yourself time to process everything, - your thoughts, feelings, priorities, goals, ambitions, everything, and then once you've sorted that out you can assess whether FH is a part of that too in your future. It must be hard. I'll be thinking of you.

Yeah sometimes you need space. Clear your head.  See things better.  You are in my thoughts.

Oh dear! I found your page just yesterday and you inspired me so much with all the DIY and etc... you are an amazing person and I hope and pray that you can both be open and upfront with each other, clear the air and get back to finishing of the wedding plans with lots of joy and love!!

You're not alone
xoxo

You are so brave to confront this now, but now is seriously better than after the wedding! If you are having doubts, it is great to give yourself space to make some decisions, or even just to know your mind, especially if you can take yourself out of the "heat of the moment". Maybe by seriously considering canceling the wedding you will realise how much you actually do want it. And the counceling might be great for the both of you. Good luck xx

I agree with the ladies above. You are such a strong woman. Things will work out for the best, whatever that may be. Hang in there girl.

Wow, I'm so sorry your going through this so close to your wedding.... but please don't do what I did,  I knew with my First Husband it was wrong I shouldn't go through with it, but talked myself into it because I got caught up in the Wedding, not thinking of the marrage afterwards,it was 4 yrs of pure hell.... So Please take time, more then the w.e. if needed and think of YOU not others and the cost of not getting married.... my thoughts and prayers are with you

So sorry to hear that. Hope everything orks out for the best.

I"m sorry to hear that. When I clicked on this post I never thought in a million years that it would be yours. Good luck with everything. Only you can make the choice but we are here to listen and offer advice if you ask. Take the weekend to relax and reflect on your relationship and know we are here for you. HUGSSSS

I cant imagine what you must be going through. I dont know if you're a real religious person or not but maybe you could try praying for guidance. ive never posted or read your blog before but im sure the other ladies know what theyre talking about and that youre a strong person and you'll get through it. Do what you think is best for you, be that putting it off, staying with it, or just call it off.

Good luck to you and may god be with you.

Oh hunny,

I don;t know the whole story but what I can say for BOYS... they do not see weddings the same as us. We plan, do projects, details, STRESS our selves out, But they do not see why we are stressed or understand. They just aren't in to all the wedding hoopla like we are. and When you ask them their opinions or advise and they say that god aweful response of " I DONNO!" - they really just don't know.
I can totaly relate to your frustration,  I have been right there myself. But after talking with my mom, mom-in-law, sister, and friends and even my FH. and relaized. they really don't have the answeres. as much as I wish he did, or would help in those matters. He is so blind when it comes to wedding planning. But after we had our big talk and the things that were bothering me, He helps me in other ways with the wedding. Try talking to him, but not just talking listen too. You may find out what his deal is, and really how cluless he is about planning a wedding.. cause I did with mine.

I hope this helps you out, it may not be the same situation but like the other ladies said, it;s better your dealing with it now and not after the wedding... AND beleive me as it gets closer just remember the main goal " your getting married" and all the little details and DIY projects (although they are fun to do) will not be the main purpose on your day!

( have stressed my self out SO much planning, and FINALLY have realised what is important and it doesn't matter what turns out that day cause the main thing will happen... So enjoy your slef and don't stress and talk to your hubby - it will all work out I SWARE!!!

Good Luck sweetie, and stay positive, just remember how much you love eachother (and everyone deals with these same issues when planning a wedding!!!)

HUGS Courtneykins

Charis, wow. This does come as a huge suprise. However, if you're unsure, it is best to work this out and see if there can be a resolution before making such a big step. That being said, I hope that no matter what you decide, that you are led in the best direction for you and that whichever course you take, it ends in true happiness for you. I hope that you take the guidance and advice of other people, but that in the end, you make this decision based on your own gut feelings and what is best for you.

Wish you all the very best and we will be here to vent to or to support you if you need.

xoxox
Tash

Sorry to hear you're feeling this way.

I think yourself some "me time" is a good idea and I hope with that and the counselling you can get a better perspective on the situation, and you can work out what's best for you (and FH).

Wishing you all the best! x

thanks girls for the support. Id try to explain it all but I cant put it into words. Just letting you know I appreciate all your comments from the WBC sistas. life gets tough.

Good Luck with everything...and be strong.

I'm so so sorry, Charis. Be strong & take more than enough time this week to really evaluate where you two are....it could be that your communication has just been lost in all the wedding planning? But if it's a serious issue, don't let your nearing wedding date scare you out of making the right choice that's best for you. I'll be praying today for you to have strength & clarity.

Sorry to hear this sad news.  Take your time and pray.  God will lead you through this.  Sometimes we don't always see the signs.  Take it easy and try to see the entire picture.  We are here for you, sweetie.

JUST PRAY AND LEAVE IT TO GOD AND WATCH HOW EVERYTHING WILL WORK ITSELF OUT.

Oh no! I really hope things work out for you!

Oh my goodness love, I did not expect this post to be yours. I'm so sorry I know your heart is probably aching right now :( I hope from the bottom of my heart that everything gets worked out and resolved, you're such a kind and caring person. Be strong...

Awww honey, I am sooooo thinking of you. I truly wish that this works out for both of you. Sending lots of positive, good thoughts your way and hoping everything comes full circle for you :)....hugs.

No matter what the outcome you will get through this and be a stronger person on the otherside!  Thinking of you!

I really don't know what to add the ladies have it all you are an amazing woman and I really hope it all works out for you, all the best ~ xo

So sorry to hear that you're going through this. Keep your head up and go with your heart, it will always lead you to the decision that is best for you. <3

Wow, so sorry that you are going through that right now. Your comments have been an intrigal part of the WBC family. I hope that you are able to clear your head and get back into  perspective what a wedding is truly about. This person that you are doubting now is the same person that you fell in love with, so I hope everything works out for you two!  I will be rooting for you!

Oh no!!
So sorry to hear this! You are so far along with your planning & everything too!
Have faith in yourself that you will make the right decsion, and if you still decide to call it off, know that it will be much better in the long run to realize it now before you are married and stay around trying to work throught it.
Good luck hon!

Wew!  I'm sorry to hear this. But communication is VERY important!  Take your time this weekend...do what you think is best, and I'm sure whatever decision is made, will be the best one for you both!  Hope everything goes well.

I'm so sorry! But you must do what makes you happy!  Take some time for yourself and hopefully everything will work out how it is supposed to be.

:(:(:(:( Not ccranetobe!!! my invitaiton partner!!! This blows me away, but I understand its very complicated and between you two. you have to do whats right for you and what makes you happy...what ever your decision. I wish you the best of luck during this difficult time! "HUG"

I'm sorry to hear. I understand how you feel and hopefully the counseling session will open his eyes and realize how he's behaving. I sincerely hope everything works and will be be praying for you.

You poor girl! Like the other ladies have said you are incredibly brave! Good for you for being a strong woman. Follow your heart!

If you guys take the right steps together then you can make it. Good Luck!

Oh Charis, I'm so sorry to hear this.  I think stepping out of the situation for a bit can help a lot.  Wedding planning is very stressful and can put a huge strain on your relationship.

I 100% agree with 3rdtimebride.  Postponing, cancelling, doing whatever you need to do to be sure that this is the right decision is the VERY best thing you can do.  The financial & emotional strain of a divorce is 1000 times worse than taking your time now to figure everything out.  I too was married before & really wish I'd taken a better look before I married my first husband.  

Best of luck to you & blubbering is OK!  A wise woman once told me that you don't have to be superwoman.  Its normal to feel & hurt & love.  Take your time, and be sure.

This comes as a huge shock to me as your one of my fav's! I almost had an orange wedding cause yours just looks so amazing! Ohh sweetie! I am so so sorry! Be strong, I'm hoping it's just stress of everything and this break works out for the better!

Thinking of you, if you need anything please let me know.
XO

Hey Charis, I only just saw this post now and I'm really sorry to hear that you are going through this.  I'm not sure that I can offer any advice that is good for you, because only you & your fiancé know what is going on in your relationship.  All I can do is tell you what I would think if I were in your situation, but with my fiancé.. you get what I mean?  You mentioned it was a friend that opened your eyes?  Are they not just jealous that you are getting married and doing an absolutely awesomely amazingly beautiful job at it?  Are you sure you hadn't noticed what is making you unhappy before because it was OK with you that he is just a boy?  Sometimes I put too much pressure on myself, and my fiancé because things should be how other people say (having said that though I get mighty pi$$ed off at him all the time because he is CONSTANTLY playing his gayFL dream team, and mafia wars (the SHAME!!), watching TV…. but that's just him, he's easy going, and is happy to pass the time doing something that I find totally BORING.  I also sometimes forget that I get pi$$ed off because while he is doing this, I'm cooking dinner, I'm doing wedding stuff, I'm organising birthdays blah blah blah , but I want to do that stuff (to begin with anyway) because that's who I am.  He would do it if he had to.  Planning a wedding is tough, and I really agree with what Courtneykins said about boys not seeing a wedding (or anything really) as girls do.  I also agree with what Alwayshis said about communication being been lost in all the wedding planning, and to not let your nearing wedding date scare you out of making the right choice that's best for you.  I was talking to a very good friend of mine this morning actually, who just celebrated her first wedding anniversary, and she gave me some very good advice about the first year of marriage being really tough, and the thoughts of "this is forever" can be very overwhelming and sometimes you just need to sit down and mentally evaluate, and you always come back to the conclusion that yes, the good outweighs the bad (or I even think as long as the good + neutral outweighs the bad because life isn't always exciting and fun and games – it gets boring and mundane and that's just life).  So if that's the first year of marriage that is that tough, then imagine what would happen if you add in the whole planning of the wedding debacle, which is an extremely stressful and trying time, which would have to make it 100 billion times worse that normal.  I think that you need to try not to think, if you are staying in a hotel this weekend, treat it as a weekend away, DO NOT ask anyone's advice because you may make the wrong decision talking to someone that is not Sheridan.  This is what I think is going to happen.  You will have the first night at the hotel not having much sleep, thinking, crying, worrying.  Have a glass of wine, watch an inhouse movie, have a long bath…. then in the morning, sleep in, do something girly, then maybe see if he wants to meet up for a "date" that afternoon/night, and then you guys will have an unexpected night away relaxing and enjoying each others company, like a mini holiday, which you will look back on in years to come and be really grateful that you got to enjoy!!  It's gonna happen like that OK!!!!!  Stretching my arms all the way from freezing, gloomy Queensland to give you a big hug xoxoxo

the good news is, taking a break to think about things is always the right choice. So you can't go wrong with this.

If you aren't excited about being married after the wedding because you are concerned about issues you already have, then indeed it is a good idea to step back. I know this because once upon a time, I ignored my gut instinct and got so caught up in the wedding planning I went through with it anyway. It hit me in the back room of the church in my big dress with my family everywhere, peeking out of the blinds looking at my now ex husband thinking to myself "who is he? what the hell am I doing?" And by then, it was too late.

A nasty divorce and one poor innocent child in the middle of it all, I have learned my lesson the hard way.

There is nothing wrong with postponing things til you get everything situated. People with decency and morals will actually respect you for it.

And dont feel like its too close to the wedding for this.... I know a girl who had a big beautiful wedding planned and at rehearsal dinner, she and her fiance (the night before the wedding) announced they weren't getting married because they felt they werent compatible. They went on their (honeymoon) just as friends (too weird for me) and went their seperate ways. They are now each married to someone else and they dont regret their decision. You have over 2 months. Even IF you decide not to get married altogether, you have plenty of time.

I wish you the best in everything.

Wow, what a response. Thank you girls.  I checked into the hotel last night and only just woke up. Think I havent had a sleep like that in years.

I dont think its stress of the wedding planning. While i had my freak out two weeks ago, I had a reality check. I am ahead on all this sh1t.  So i havent really done much part from cut programs which took a day.. Other than that I watched all seasons of roswell.  I havent overloaded FH with any wedding stuff. The response i get when i come home is a grunt from the couch, he blabs on about his day never about mine. The realisation has dawned that... just because were engaged that he thinks he still doesnt have to work on our relationship. I need to be able to talk to him. I just get a brickwall when I do. My reality check was when a friend asked me whats wrong.. I was like nothing..... she was like B.S youve been unhappy for the last two months and she explained situations and I was like.. umm yeah your right. I started to think can I handle being with this man for the rest of my life? I see all the flaws that I knew that was there before, but they come up clearer and more annoying than ever. Then I take a reality check and go.. Im not perfect either.

Im  also realising all the goals that I had before I met FH. have I done any of them... no... not a single thing.

About the financials. He spent 4k of our money... on a motorbike without telling me. Big communication issue there.

I seriously hope this counselling will be an eye opener for him. hes in a dream world and so was i. But im willing to do the work for this to happen.

Thanks for the support!

You are doing the right thing.  Just know we all support whatever decisions you guys make, & I am so proud of you for not being lost in the fact that you truly deserve the best.  No matter how things turn out, you are truly admired here, & you can email me anytime.

Wowie! What a posting here...So sorry to hear about this Charis! One thing I admire is that YOU WOKE UP!  I've been in this same boat with my ex-husband. We were married for 8 years and 1 child later, but it was the worst mistake of marrying that man. I had so many signs before we said I do. He was a big spender as well. We were in our  20's when we married, I was 22 and he was 26.  I thought we were structured perfectly, but I ignored the signs of him not sharing our money. He'd had bought a speed boat for $7,000 and didn't talk to me about it. Then gave me an allowance of $5.00 a week for lunch at work???? Huh??? I planned our whole wedding back then. He was not so involved either. One thing about this marriage that I've just celebrated for 11 years, he's very much involved.  Now that I've taken on others tasks to help out for weddings, he's involved to. We just got into an arguement in Michael's the other day. LOL  Wasn't out of control, but he's very much involved with the best deals. LOL Is that a good thing?  He drives me nuts, but I am crazy about him. I hope that the counseling will help you guys, but I'm so proud of you waking up before it's to late. I wish I had those guts 20 years ago????Keep us posted!

Also, remember Sapphire09's story. She wasn't very happy and had signs of distress before she walked down the aisle. A month or so later, she regreted doing so. I giver her high fives too, for getting out before thier family expanded! POWER TO THE WOMEN!

OMG! I am so sorry to hear that!! I have been following, you have been such an inspiration to me :) We are actually getting married on the same day!!
I think you are so creative and I looove all your ideas :)
All I can say is that it is very common as I heard and we experienced that after 3 weeks we were engaged. can you believe that??? I couldn, but we were able to overcome that and now things are way better. I think you two need two seat and talk about EVERYTHING that is going on, communication and expressing feelings is very important. Dont hold on them and try to get an understanding on both sides. For that may be way better to get a counselor. Im telling you it really works.
I hope my advice helps you, I actually looked in your blog today because I finally was going to ask you for help on creating a monogram for me :(
Best wishes

Oh no! Hope you guys can resolve the issues. :(

I'm so sorry you are going through this...it must be so hard, BUT you are an amazing and strong woman to not worry about the wedding or what people will think or the fact that deposits are down and to realize that you have a "future marriage" to work on so kudos to you for that. I am proud of you. I will keep you in my prayers, that you will have peace with your decision and that counseling will unveil some things and make it clear for you both. We can def get caught up sometimes, and it's always good to come back to reality and re-evaluate. Hang in there and stay strong! Whatever decision you make will come with a flood of support! xoxoxo

I'm so sorry you're going through this, but it's great that you guys are addressing this now BEFORE the wedding. Whatever happens... you two will do the right thing, and all will be for the better because of it. Trust your decision, whatever that may be!

best wishes. we all know how stubborn, frustrating, and well "not all there" men can get. I hope that is just the case and things work for the best.

Hi,

I am commenting late and maybe someone has already told you this but i'm still gonna say it just in case they have not.

You and ur fh should do pre-marital counselling. As a matter a fact every couple who is getting married should do pre-marital counselling no matter how long you've known each other or even lived together.

This form of counselling is very important. The counselor will ask questions you've never thought about. He/she will force you to look deep within yourself, your future spouse and your relationship. he/she will force you to see things for what they are and not what u want them to be.

you'll learn how to handle different situations and problems in your marriage when they arise. you'll also learn how to support each other and he/she will also point out all the little things we seem to overlook in our relationship that many times end up being the cause of a break up.

You should know, that some couples break up after pre-marital counselling because in the sessions they realize that they truly would not be happy together, but its better to break early than to have the pain of a divorce.

Don't shy away from it.... it will equip you with the tools to have a great marriage and FH will learn how to be a good husband who supports and communicates effectively with his wife.

So its a few weeks later and I thought I would take the time out to say to you girls. thank you for your advice. sometimes I read this post over and over and try to remember what each of you have said when im going through this. Our next counselling session is on friday. While things have improved and are going ahead im positive that we can overcome obstacles.  

Thanks girls :)