Oct 8, 2008


I am an only child, for BOTH of my parents. My father and my stepmom have been together since I was 11, so she is very important to me. I am also extremely close with my mother. The two of them get along great and there has never been any kind of an issue…until now.

My original plan was to have BOTH my mother and stepmother light my side of the unity candle together. My mom threw a fit! Don’t get me wrong, I can see where she’s coming from, she did raise me and was there for anything I ever needed. But I need a way to make my stepmom feel special and like she is being honored as my mother without my mom feeling like she is out shining her.

Any ideas? Please help!!!!
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mom vs. Stepmom
amcs76's Green wedding
Whitby, ON, Canada
That's completely understandable that your mom would be upset. What about having your stepmom do a reading during the ceremony?
's  wedding
Wilmette, IL, USA
wow thats a touchy subject - i would sayhave your birth mom light the candle, and like amcs76 said, have stepmom do special thing, such as reading/wedding petition, or place a rose next to the unity candle after the birth mom has lit.

Another option would be that if you are having a reception, you could have stepmom give the toast of best wishes to you guys as a couple before dinner starts.

Hope some of those help, just dont worry, it will all work out, and they should both undetrsand that this is hard for you and not make a huge deal out of it.
irishpocahontas's Purple wedding
Cork, Cork, Ireland
What about doing the flower ceremony thing - its on my blog *somewhere* LOL
going2bferren's Black wedding
London, ON, Canada
I have a family that comes in pairs aswell (two moms two dads)so were doing a sand cerimony to get around this they each get thier own colour of sand and have the minister say something about how everyone has contributed to your life and how each colour of sand comes togeter in your lives etc (i dont know if this makes sense to you?)
vintagebabe's Green wedding
Albany, NY, USA
I understand your mom. My ex husband cheated on me with a married woman who's husband was in Iraq (she was a teenager too). Now her divorce is almost finalized, and she is knocked up and apparently they want to get her a maternity wedding dress and get married. My daughter has been around this woman since she was 2 years old. She calls her "mommy" on weekends when she goes over there for visitation because she was at first, forced to, now she is used to it at age 5.

I dread the day my baby gets married and I have to share the glory of my precious childs wedding....... with that homewrecker!

To me, there are just certain things parents deserve the honor for, without having to share them. Your mom raised you. It's her honor. Find something else for the step mom but make sure your mom won't be so hurt. She has already extended her grace by being polite to this woman who stepped into her daughters life, and therefore into her life.... I wouldn't push her by asking for more.  Let your mom have her glory that she earned by bringing you into this world and never turning her back on you. My humble opinion.

How sad it must be to have a child and watch your relationship with your spouse fall apart... and a new woman comes in... and tries to take over the position God gave you. It must be so painful. Oh wait. I know it is.

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