05/19/2010
Blue Ask a Question Feelings on Bachelor Parties?
   

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Feelings on Bachelor Parties?

I would just like to preface this with a disclaimer that I in no way, shape or form mean to offend anyone with this post. I am all about living your life and I fully believe that people have the right to make decisions other than those I would make. I really don’t mean to insult or offend anyone, I just have some feelings I’m trying to deal with that I desperately need to get out and make sense of.

So the boy went to a bachelor party last night for a good friend who is getting married tomorrow. They ended up at a strip club and the groom ended up in the back room for a significant amount of time (more than half an hour). My boy told me this because we are super open with each other and talk about just about everything, and I have to say, I am super skeeved out. I don’t understand why anyone would need to go into the backroom, let alone for an extended period. It isn’t necessary.

I have some serious issues with all of this. And I was thinking about it, and it’s not just the whole naked girl in my boyfriend’s face (although I’m not a huge fan of that, and I’m thinking if the tables were turned, he wouldn’t be a huge fan of me straddling some guy wearing very minimal amounts of clothing). But I have issues with the fact that I think I just don’t want to marry the type of guy that would do that. Like I know plenty of guys who just go have a boys weekend sans strippers for their bachelor parties (they go river rafting, riding quads, golfing) and these are guys that have amazing marriages and guys that I respect. After I was told about the guy last night, I lost my respect for him. And I don’t want to be marrying someone that does that (not that I think Mike would, it’s hypothetical).

So I realized that my main issue with these is the idea of the type of guy that usually does that. And I just have this one memory of my little brother talking about the bachelor party and Mike said that his brother was planning it and all his friends might want to go to a strip club and my brother got this horrified look on his face and that image is just burned into my memory. I don’t want my fiancé to the person that insights that type of look on my family’s face. My family just isn’t the strip club type. My older brother was the one who went river rafting for his bachelor party and I’m super close with my brothers, so they would hear about whatever Mike ends up doing for his party and I just can’t stand that thought of him being the strip club guy.

Which makes me feel like a witch girlfriend, because I should A. trust my guy and B. not worry about what other people think about him. So I feel very conflicted. On the one side, I know he would never do anything stupid if they did go to a strip club (they might, they might not), but on the other, that’s just not the type of person I want to be with and not the type of thing I really respect. I was just wondering if anyone else feels this way, or are you ok with the strip club stuff? Does it bother you at all? And if so, does it make you feel like that “jealous girlfriend”?
bachelor party
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meme2138's Pink wedding
meme2138
 |  Ashland, KY, USA  |  05/19/2010  | 
I don't have a problem with my fiance going to a strip club however I would have boundries. That whole backroom thing would totally be off limits! I'm shocked to hear how that guy acted! But even though I'm ok with it my fiance insist he just wants to have a guys nite with dinner, drinks and play some pool or something. and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't happy about it :)
acowleysoontobe's Pink wedding
acowleysoontobe
 |  Toronto, ON, Canada  |  05/19/2010  | 
I hear ya sister! I'm the first one to say that strippers gross me out, and I don't want them anywhere NEAR my man. I wouldn't touch him again knowing he was in the same room as them, nevermind sat in pervert's row or got a lap dance! Harsh or not, my boy is simply not ALLOWED near strippers, and his friends know how I feel.
He has never been to a strip club, nor does he have any interest. His buddies think I am too uptight about it, or have him whipped, but my theory is, if we were at a party, and a girl we didn't know took her clothes off and started grinding my boy, and he not only let it happen, but he paid for it, I would consider it cheating. How is putting all of that in a building and calling it a strip club any different?
I agree with you 100%. Down with strippers. LOL.
ladydamm's Pink wedding
ladydamm
 |  Windsor, ON, Canada  |  05/19/2010  | 
My FH and I have been in this situation before. He went with a bunch of guys to a strip club and I thought I was alright with it. I really wasn't. It's not because I think he'll cheat -- I trust him -- I just don't like the fact that there are other women throwing themselves at him wanting tips in their g-string. But the great thing is that I told him how I felt -- we communicated -- and he understood how I felt and took my feelings to heart.

So...maybe just have that conversation?
tashasita's Purple wedding
tashasita
 |  Hamilton, ON, Canada  |  05/19/2010  | 
Mark doesn't really like them, but I don't have a clue what his boys are going to make him do... however, it is about communication and trust like ladydamm said and I have to agree with acowleysoontobe, in another setting, that would totally be off limits. I am not really anti strip clubs.. and I don't like to question or stop him from going anywhere cuz I do trust him... but the whole bachelor strip club event just isn't cool with the backroom getaway. That would totally be off limits.
light1882's Orange wedding
light1882
 |  Tonganoxie, KS, USA  |  05/19/2010  | 
My FH is not planning to go to a strip club, but there might be stripper (more because his best man wants it) and there will be a contest to see which of his guys can get girls to flash him their boobs the most. (Stupid Game.) I think it's all unnecessary, but I trust him and I've told him I don't really like the idea, but it's his night.

I think your thing is not necessary about the guys that would go to a strip club, but the guys who would be sneaky or lie about it. FH always tells me about what's going on. He says he likes to see other girls sometimes, but that it's been less and less since we got together. He's really only doing the game to make his guys more outgoing. He's pretty sure that most of them won't really play along.

I have felt like a "jealous girlfriend" a little bit before and told him and he said he understood and reassured me that it wasn't like that. I think it comes down to trust. Talk to your FH about what you told us and let him know. I'm sure he'll understand and y'all can work out something that you both like.
misstoni26's Blue wedding
misstoni26
 |  Calgary, AB, Canada  |  05/19/2010  | 
Very good topic! Personally, I'm ok with my FH having a bachelor party with strippers but funny enough he says he doesn't want one with strippers, he's ok going to the bar with his boys and drinking it up.  I trust him to keep within his limits if he does have strippers and vice versa.

I don't think you're a jealous/witch girlfriend for not liking it, those are your sentiments and if this is something you don't respect then I think you should voice your opinion to your FH and see what he says.  While your brother went river rafting and I have a few male friends that went paintballing for their bachelor party, that may or may not be what your FH had in mind for that day.  Also keep in mind that generally, the best man is the one that throws the bachelor party.

At the end of the day communicating with FH is the key, nobody else but you two.  While that may not be your brother's type of party, it's not about him (no offense) and you know what, a lot of ppl have opposing views on this issue so you'll get a "look" either way you go.

I know you mentioned that he said his brother may throw him one with strippers and I'm not saying to tell him "hey no strippers or the weddings off!" I just think you should have an honest and open discussion with him.

Sorry for the long post, I hope this helped!

All the best!
evelinaplusdaniel's Pink wedding
evelinaplusdaniel
 |  Mission viejo, CA, USA  |  05/19/2010  | 
oh girly! you have the total right to claim that. It is a matter a self respect and the things that you are comfortable with. Under no circumstance I would be ok my fiancee/husband to even go to stripper club. What, I'm not enough for him? I can dance if he wants me to. And no that's not jealousy. You are the wife and you have to right to claim to be respected.
misstoni26's Blue wedding
misstoni26
 |  Calgary, AB, Canada  |  05/19/2010  | 
Oh yeah and further to my post, that backroom business is FORBIDDEN, that is just asking for trouble! As long as FH "knows his limits & stays within it", I'm ok.
prncss173's Black wedding
prncss173
 |  Reno, NV, USA  |  05/19/2010  | 
Seeing how cute all the boys were when they got back from the strip club left me feeling okay with them.  There are pervert boys and then there are nerdy boys (like ours) who simply got excited to have VIP service and girls treat them like that are hot stuff.  I can't say no to them because I went to Thunder from Down Under and it was fabulous!  Not that I wanted anyones junk all over me, but I got into it...it was fun.  Just don't think that if Mike gets dragged to a strip club that changes who he is because we all know that Mike would NEVER go in a back room.  Boys that come out of back rooms should be BEAT!
futuremrsalec's Blue wedding
futuremrsalec
 |  Ottawa, ON, Canada  |  05/19/2010  | 
If you're guy isn't into it - then he isn't into it. hopefully his buddies won't make him uncomfortable & make him go somewhere he doesnt want to go - and if that's the case, i'm sure he'll leave.
My guy isn't planning on going to the strippers & his BM has even reassured him that they won't do this to him. he just has ZERO interest & would hate every second!
i understand why you may feel like the jealous girlfriend, but its just a matter of respect. like you said, roles reversed - he wouldnt want that to happen to you!
fairytalebride's Blue wedding
fairytalebride
 |  Toronto, ON, Canada  |  05/19/2010  | 
dh has gone i think it bothers me more when i know hes going i dont want to know hes going so keep it to yr self i tell him, we never had our bachlor/bachlorette parties so we will now and hes ok with it and so am i, we trust each other but dont need details either I think its normal to feel this way i know i did b4 but i think its cause i kept picturing his friends saying stuff and what not but I know deep down inside hes not the kind of guy who would go far with what his friends are saying to him , he doesnt even drink , I want him to have a good time and lets face men are  and can  b imature when they get together, as for my self and ma girls well we not all that saint like either so it shall be fun lol! try to focus on yours and just let him know how u feel. and make it clear he can have a good time just NO! backroom business
fabulousbride2011's Blue wedding
fabulousbride2011
 |  Washington, DC, USA  |  05/19/2010  | 
Well, my finance have been to strip clubs with his friends, brothers and my brothers before and I don't have an issue with strip clubs but there are boundaries that you could not cross. I trust my man and I know you do too but in th back on your mind you still wonder about what he is doing. It all comes down to a comfortability level. If you are not comfortable of course they will be major issue . I don't mind my finance having a bachelor party its suppose to be just for fun. But none of those private room though can't get down with that
bryanswife17's Red wedding
bryanswife17
 |  Bowie, MD, USA  |  05/19/2010  | 
i completely agree with the feelings your having. if i was that bride who's fiance went in the backroom, sorry to say it, but the entire wedding may be off.
and i realized nothing good comes from strippers and bachelorettes when an acquiantance of mine whom is a former ENTERTAINER got married. She told them absolutley not i know what happens i've been there, your going camping or no bachelor party at all.
danielles's Blue wedding
danielles
 |  Reno, NV, USA  |  05/19/2010  | 
Yeah, we've talked about it.  He knows how I feel, hence the reason he didn't get any lap dances that night.  And he's not really thrilled with strip clubs himself.  There is always a possibility of them going to one for their bachelor party and there is always the possibility of his group of friends going to one for their party ( like last night).  And far be it from me to tell him no, you can't go hang out with your friends.  I know he won't cheat on me, and I want to be ok with him going, but I"m just not.  I just don't think that's something that will ever settle with me.
bkpinkbride's Pink wedding
bkpinkbride
 |  Columbia, SC, USA  |  05/19/2010  | 
I GUESS I WILL B THE BLK SHEEP OF THE POST. BEING THAT I AM A DANCER. IM OK WITH HIM GOING TO A STRIP CLUB HELL WE GO TOGETHER AND WHEN HE GETS ALL HOT WITH ME HAVING FUN WITH THE GIRLS WE GO HOME AND GET IT ON. THATS WAHT MAKES OUR SEX LIFE GREAT LOL. FOR HIS B PARTY AND I ACTUALLY GOT HIM A PORN STAR TO COME AND HE WILL BE HAVING STRIPPERS. BUT THEN AGAIN ME BEING A DANCER I HAVE RAN INTO MAN WHO DO WANT THE OH SO PRIVATE DANCES WITH THE GIRLS IVE SEEN IT ALL SO I HOPE MY HUBBY HAS FUN.
sherree's Yellow wedding
sherree
 |  Fresno, CA, USA  |  05/19/2010  | 
WE R HAVING ONE PARTY AND IT'S CO ED.  

ITS NOT THAT I DON'T TRUST HIM ITS HIS FRIEND O AND THE STRIPPERS.
WE R HAVING IT AT THE BM HOUSE HES GOT HIS OWN POLE (LAM) BUT I GET TO PICK THE STRIPPERS O AND THEY WELL LEAVE THEIR PANTIES ON... LETS LEAVE A LITTLE SOMETHING TO THE IMAGINATION.
rodrhonda4ever's Blue wedding
rodrhonda4ever
 |  Sacramento, CA, USA  |  05/19/2010  | 
We have been married for 11 years. In the beginning, he did strip clubs. Can you believe his boss treated him? LOL Anyways, the day of our wedding 11 years ago we were getting married at 9:00 p.m., I begged my cousins and father in-law to take hubby on one last whirl!  The Bunny Ranch!  LOL he really didn't want a batchelor party or anything, but I insisted!  Man, they all came back an hour before the wedding, laughing and acting crazy....But letting go was a good thing? He appreciated that, because I don't want or didn't want a tight rope on our trust.

For the boss that treated my hubby to the strip club, even treated me to the strip club! (VIP Style), I was curious to see what he was so interested in and had a wonderful time. Boss man even paid for me a lap dance? I was four months pregnant and totally embarrassed! Even after the dance the dancer sat with me and we had a very intellegent conversation. She was paying her way through college and the tips were good. Very nice person....Nothing to worry about? 11 years later, no more strip clubs are necessary. Got it all out of his system! LOL Now, I'm  the stripper?  LOL
seasidesmitten's Blue wedding
seasidesmitten
 |  Orlando, FL, USA  |  05/20/2010  | 
I agree with you too... don't like strip clubs.  My fiance went to 2 this year already for his friends bachelor party nights and I was very upset about it.  We talked about it and he really had no desire to go but went with the rest of the group.  So from here on out, no more strip clubs.  We just don't think it's something that needs to be brought into our marriage, definitely not healthy.
deneanrae's Blue wedding
deneanrae
 |  Red deer, AB, Canada  |  05/20/2010  | 
I set some boundaries with my FH, I could care less if he goes to a strip club....or if he gets a lap dance paid by his friends.... the only problem I have is if he goes to a back room with the girl for any length of period. Thats a big no no. FH knows this and if he tried anything...i have spies lol. but yea I have been to the strip club a lot, with my friends, mixed etc.... Its not like I like it, but i dont hate it... its entertainment and is damn funny haha. Its not like they will get with the girls nor do they want to a lot of the time...youd be suprised. lol
foreverstartsnow's Black wedding
foreverstartsnow
 |  Barrie, ON, Canada  |  05/20/2010  | 
I feel the same way you do, it's just an uncomfortable sitution, the guy who went into the 'back room' should be compleatly ashamed of himself. I hope someone told his wife.. Yeah, I'm lucky since FH won't and will not go to the strippers, I've asked many times. In a way, I think it'd be neat to get the boys to take him there and  then I'd come out and do my thing ;)
4ever2gether's Orange wedding
4ever2gether
 |  Abbotsford, BC, Canada  |  06/03/2010  | 
I am a firm believer that strippers and such should not be associated with a stag(ette) or bachelor(ette) party.  If the person you marry is mature enough to be wed...then they have either been there and done that, or over the idea all together, IMO in no way - should anything like that happen on account of getting married.
mrsward's Blue wedding
mrsward
 |  Glens falls, NY, USA  |  07/14/2010  | 
I would never marry a man who was so openly with seing naked women in person. I'm very blessed to have a husband who has strong morals and feels that all sexual behavior is strictly for a marital bed with Gods blessing. He thinks strippers are women who were more than likely abused in some way during some point in their life who are just reabusing themselves who need counseling and the love of a Godly man to help them. So it was not an issue for us. I don't think wanting a man with good standards makes you a jealous girlfriend at all. It makes you a better one because you see the bigger picture that many people don't.
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