Shower planning has began

So disappointed!!!!

Keep your head up! My wedding was Dec 19, and booooy oh boyyyy...some of my wedding party put me through sheer hell. It sounds like the same thing you are talking about as far as them not having their priorities straight, and not putting your wedding first. I had a small party to begin with(5 girls) and two dropped out RIGHT before the wedding leaving me with only 3!.

One cousin , who lives out of state sent me a text one month before the wedding saying she was 7.5 months pregnant. She knew this the whole time, yet she hid it from me until the last minute. I even bought her dress and everything! And my best friend dropped out two days before our wedding. These drop outs changed my color scheme and left me with only one person wearing a pink dress.

If I knew going into the wedding how stressful it would be to deal with them, I would have opted to go without bridesmaids. Keep in mind that they were all family members(cousins and my sisters) yet they gave me a hard time. If there is anyone  that you could drop now...I would say drop them. Especially if you fear they might bail at the last minute. Otherwise, I would suggest maybe having a talk with them and let them know how they are upsetting you. Good luck.

Thanks so much winterbride09, First I want to say that i do plan on dropping my friend who basically said she wanted to attend mardi gras over my shower.. To me that says a whole lot and for her to offer 35.00 towards my shower when she just got a personal  trainer AND paid $150.00 for a body shaper!!!! Oh no I don't think so, I already made up my mind to let her go. She even had the nerves to say she didn't like the shoes and asked if she could wear her own shoes, I told her no mam all girls are wearing the same shoe, But mind you everybody else likes the shoe...I have been put through hell to just like you and I never thought in a million years that some of this stuff would happen. I also had some one drop out and she failed to tell me I had to ask... I started out with 8 girls and now i'm down to 5 and i had 2 maides of honor who just dropped out and just like you it has messed up my color scheme because I wanted the maides in latte, BM in chocolate, and matron in both colors.. I also have a cousin out of state who was one of the maides of honor  LOL (so much in common). These girls really don't know what they put us through and I think jealousy plays a big part in it.

Hello sweetie I want to tell you that you have a great friend and I know that you appreciate her for all shes doing for you but if no one wants to help then they arent going to give you a gift either. So I suggest if I may that you and the woman who you truly dearly care about like family members and church members have a small but intimate shower for you .Then the ones who want to have a small spa date with you where they all get their hair and nails done and they totally pay for their own all she does is set the appointment and send out the invites and the morning of you two can have a bachlorett breakfast just the two of youand some mimosas to take the edge off and chase away the jitters.

Thanks stbmrslynn,  I have already thought about the gift, Honestly i already made up in my mind that they just want to be in the wedding, eat, drink, have fun and go home. I don't expect a gift from any of them. My matron has to make the shower much smaller because she is spending money on the food by her self, My mom and fiance has offered to help her and i felt so bad that i even offered to help her but she said no to me but i think she's going to get help from my mom and fiance. I really think tension will flare at the shower but I am hoping not. These girls are just in this wedding for the ride. My fiance suggested that I cut back on their gifts which i now intend to do.

I understand exactly what you are talking about. I have a friend who is a bridesmaid in my wedding, who currently lives in Atlanta. For my Bridal Shower my bridal party was asked to put in $100.00 each which will make it $800.00 and my mother was going to help pay whatever else was needed. My so called friend who live in Atlanta said she can only afford to put in $50.00. If I really thought thats all she can afford, I would'nt be so mad. She is like your friends, she wears expensive clothes, name brand shoes and purses and she can't afford to put in $100.00 like everybody else. My bridal shower is January 30,2010 and she is not going to be able to make it, but she is coming to New Orleans for Mardi Gras two weeks after. You really find out who your true friends are in situations like this.

wow tsreddick, seem's like this is popular with the BM's.. I'm like you I know these ladies can afford to put in for my shower i mean one of BM"s wears a $500.00 lace wig, It's like they don't want their money going towards my wedding. For your friend to attend mardi gras 2 weeks later is crazy she is exactly like my BM. I have decided to not have her in my wedding and she has nothing to loose because the dress has been last on her list and she can't give anything for the shower anyway. She was trying to figure out how many girls was in the wedding, where is the extra money going, why so much money... I told her the shower isnt  cheap you have to pay for food/drinks/decorations and if you can't give then just say so why all the questions... She really got under my skin today. Yes i agree with you, You really learn who your firends are and i plan to distance my self from them when this is all over and for their sake I hope they never ask me to be in any of their weddings...

Mrsbutler I am going to give you my honest opinion because you asked for it. It's your day and just that!!  The life, needs, wants and desires of your bridesmaids don't stop because you ask them to be in your wedding. I had to research the duties of a bridesmaid and chipping in financially for a bridal shower wasn't one of them.  I FULLY  understand what you are saying...you just expected more out of them but it's really not their obligation.  I would hate for you to kick a friend out of the wedding because she hasn't support the part of YOUR wedding in the manner YOU felt she should have. Your MOH is doing her job perfectly and maybe should ask your other family member to help out like mom, MIL, sister's, soon to be SIL and other close friends and family. Oh!, and yes you should stay out of it!! LOL

I think thats horrible, I think you should evaluate your friendships with them again. Its not about their obligation to do things but about them being selfless and not caring about cost on your day! I would go around the world for my friends if I had to, because I really love them! The are like my sisters and trust me Im the first getting married, but ask them who has thrown them birthday parties or give them exactly what they wanted or needed at other times, and they have done the same for me too. Women need to stick together, love one another and stop thinking the world revolves around just them. I think as females we need to work on relationships with each other! I hope for the best for you. Everything will work out, but tell them how you feel( in a calm manner). "Life is to be fortified by many friendships.To love and to be loved is the greatest happiness of existence".

Thanks blkbutterfly, I don't have any sisters or future sister in laws LOL, No it's not my BM's obligation but they all agreed from the very beginning to throw me a shower and now that it's time no body wantes to help. My matron and i had a big disagreement today so she won't be planning my shower I told her forget it......my matron has thing thing that it has to be her way or no way and i choose no way because your not going to treat me like i'm your child and your planning a kiddie party for me and if i don't listen to you  i get punished. I am 36 years old and she called her self fussing at me, talking loud, and screaming through the phone and she really tried to handle me like i was one of her kids today. All i did was tell her that i had extra help for her for the shower and she went off for no reason saying she stressed WTF???? No body is more stressed than me.............

foreverluv7 i think it's horrible to, one of my bridesmaides is on Facebook right now and her status is saying how she enjoyed her work out today with her new VERY EXPENSIVE  personal trainer, That was a real slap in the face for me I am so sick of this dam wedding/shower i could scream.

I dont think its an expectation for them to plan you a party but it would be nice to feel appreciated and loved. I can see where your comming from with being disapointed... I would be too, and rightfully so!  They are basically saying... your not important to us, which really hurts! I mean how often do you get married?! you dont ask for a lot and your doing so much for them...this is such a little thing they can do to honor you. money is just an excuse...dont get me wrong...im sure they are stapped...but its about prioritizing! what gets me is that when these girls get married..i bet they will expect the world from you and well....maybe you wont be there for them. so annoying lol

deneanrae you are sooooo correct, I found out today I  have a few girls who can help but most can't. Please take a look at my new post i just posted, The shower was cancelled and i'm planning my own. They did all promise to help pay and plan the shower so that's why i was so disappointed. I really can't wait for it to be over I should be happy not having a headache everyday. I don't think my matron is a very good matron she suggested that i have no favors at my wedding because she read in a magazine that brides have stopped giving away favors, I told her i would love to know what magazine that was in...I have never heard of such i think she's lying and she dosen't want my wedding to be nice, she also suggested that I don't need engagement pics.. What kind of matron says that to a friend of 26 years.
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