futuremrsmarzen's Pink wedding

I completely know how you feel girl......get this

My cousin and his girlfriend met last summer right before my fiance and I got engaged like 3 or 4 days before.....Well they got engaged on Valentines day this year...thats great....so they were planning a wedding for April of next year....thats great....Well she got prego and decided to move up the wedding....whatever....so I am getting married at my grandparents home and have always dreamed about getting married there....So my cousins girlfriend decides that she wants to get married at my grandparents home...at first it was at the end of July which was 3 weeks before mine....I was pissed and told my grandparents that I didnt like the idea of her showing me up 3 weeks before my wedding.....well they relized that they didnt have enough time to plan a wedding that soon so she had the ball to ask my grandparents if she could get married....get this........THE FREAKING DAY BEFORE MY WEDDING......Oh I was royally pissed off....Luckly my grandparents told her that was the night of my rehersal dinner and that she could not get married there that night....thank goodness....So now she is having it the weekend after mine and I am still a little bit pissed about the whole thing but at least mine is first and I get to show her up....thats right....and since she was dumb and asked for the day before my wedding my grandparents told her that she needed to find somewhere else to get married...haha....(if you couldnt tell I really dont like her to much)

Oh My God! That is almost EXACTLY what I went through about a month ago! And I was thinking the same thing, am I overreacting? WELL...this is what happened to me:

My fiance and I got engaged two years ago. A year ago we set the date of June 6, 2009, and both our families were well aware of this. My fiances side of the family is very close and we all see each other on a regular basis. Sooo anyways, my FI's cousin got engaged the beginning of June of this year. Well I find out on facebook that FI's cousin and his fiance chose to get married May 2, 2009, just over a month before our wedding!!!! I was SOOOO unbelievably upset....I mean who does that to family? I was sooo pissed, and the cousins fiance is the type of person who will do things like that because the attention always has to be on her.

I am good friends with FI's cousins' sister (sorry I know that is very confusing), and I told her I was hurt and really upset. So what does she do, she goes and tells the fiance what I said....so then everyone was yelling at the fiance. So anyway, I ended up calling the fiance and talking to her about it, and she says their reason for getting married is because her FFIL has Kidney Cancer. But, if they were really concerned about that, wouldn't they be getting married even earlier than May 2009? Anyway, she acted all like she felt bad and that we would stay in touch and she didn't want me to think she was trying to steal my thunder. About two weeks later, I found out she decided to stick with that date. What a bitch!! After she knew how hurt and upset I was. Ohhh well, can't pick your family. But it's been fun for my FI and I to talk to each other about the tacky things she is doing for her wedding. Like planning her own jack and jill in October!!! 7 months before the wedding....

Anyway, sooo sorry that that was long, I just want you to know that i understand exactly how you feel, and you have every right to be upset. My advice to you, is to talk to your FI's sister, and tell her how you feel. Just be honest, and not mean. If she doesn't change her date, then so be it  (it shows what kind of person she is) just make your wedding better and beautiful.

Well you or some other brides may disagree with  me and thats ok because its just my opinion and im only speaking on how i would feel without really being in the situation....no one can really know how you feel about it without being through it too.

With that said, I really dont think i would care or it would be a big deal because its not like its 3 days or even 3 weeks before your wedding. If it was 3 days or weeks, then i think i would be upset but because its a whole 3 months before i wouldn't be worried about it because i would take it like this....see what she does at hers, what may or may not go wrong and learn from it. You could prob get ideas from things that go wrong and also some good things she may do. (not saying you want to copy)  Plus she isn't officially engaged yet....So it would be kinda weird for her to plan all this out without being engaged.  Like I said just my opinion but i can't possibly know what your feeling or thinking because im not in that situation. Hope I didn't offend you.

I agree with Future Mrs. Garber.  It is hard to predict whether or not she really will be engaged by that time, and if so, her FH may want the wedding later - say 2010...

There is also only two months between July and September.  If that was ample time for people to "forget" about your wedding and focus on your FH's sister, then the converse is also true.  

I can understand how upset you may be about the possibility of her stealing your thunder, but try to be civil with her.

I wish you the best!

I think that the more important thing is that you are getting married.  A glorious wedding won't contribute anything to your marriage.  I'd take the high ground and just accept it.

She might not even know that this is something that would be upsetting.  Before you write off her friendship, take a breath and evaluate things.  Is she being malicious?  Or do you think she has no idea?

Not all of us are up on the etiquette about these things.  In all honesty, I'm planning on getting married a few weeks after my cousin and I've never thought twice about it.

I've been to weddings nearly every weekend some summers.

I don't think you should be upset, but that's just my humble and etiquette-less opinion.  I'm not trying to offend you, but I really feel that she probably has no idea this would upset you.  I would be absolutely clueless.

Hope this helps.

I do understand how you feel, I got engaged Dec 16, 2006. Then my Aunt phones on Christmas Eve to tell me that she just got engaged too...I was pissed and very upset. How could she get engaged a week after me....stealing my thunder!!! Then I realized that I was being selfish and that it really didn't matter. She ended up getting married in July 2007 and my wedding is Sept 13, 2008. It had nothing to do with me and her wedding was completely different from mine. My family and friends were just as excited for me and still asked about our wedding and wanted to see my ring and her getting engaged didn't take anything away from my engagement at all.

Now with that said, here's my thoughts. I think you should just let it go. You have enough to be concerned about with your big day and about planning awesome stuff. I would keep your ideas to yourself so that way she won't steal any great plans you already have...but let her go ahead and have her day. Go, see what goes right and wrong with her day and you can always take some of her ideas and make them better for your own day. Your family and friends will be excited that it is YOU getting married and your day will be completely different. Don't let this little thing get you down. Move on, it's a minor issue and in years to come you won't care when she got married. All you'll remember is how excited you were on your wedding day and how awesome it was! I hope you aren't upset at my response but you asked for honesty and here it is.

I asked my fiance if that sort of thing was poor etiquette a few weeks ago (hypothetically, his sister COULD become engaged and get married before we do in June 2010). He said no, I said yes.

I know you are hurt by this but I still don't think it's anything to let get between you and his sister for the long term. For example, i don't think it warrents kicking her out of your bridal party....but I'm a pushover so maybe others feel differently!

I understand you are upset. And yes, you may have a bit of a right to be upset about it, BUT I wouldn't be upset about it for too long. I think if someone in my bridal party was going to get married so close to my wedding when I was engaged first, I would be upset too, but they also have a right to be able to choose their day and be happy.

Now having said that, I think you just need to breathe, and remember your day will still be YOUR day. At least she wants her wedding 3 months prior, and not something like, 3 weeks. Just because someone else is also getting married does not mean your day will be any less special or that people will find it to be less important. Now, I could understand being more upset if she wanted that day on top of having a bunch of the same things as you, but if you two have different tastes, then they will be two different weddings and both will be special. I don't think her intention would be trying to steal your thunder (unless that is the type of person she is). And being the age she is, maybe that is a reason for her to have the wedding when it is. Maybe she has always wanted a spring wedding and she just doesn't want to have to wait until the NEXT spring because I could understand her wanting to settle down... But like someone else said, you don't know when she'll get engaged, and you don't know whether her FH will agree with the date too... So I would just relax. Nothing has happened yet, so don't worry until it does.

I had a friend that had a sort of similar thing happen, but in a different way. My friend got engaged umm... lets say she got engaged in January of this year. I think that is when it was. She and her FH had been together for quite a while, and they were FINALLY engaged. And even before she was officially engaged, she has had her heart set on having her wedding at this certain place that I guess not a lot of people know about. Well, then her roommate gets engaged to this guy sometime around March or April of this year, that she hasn't even dated as long as my friend has dated her guy... well my friend's roommate knew that my friend wanted to have her wedding at this certain place. She's KNOWN it. Then one day, her roommate came up to her and goes, "Don't be mad, but we're having our wedding at (insert name of friend's venue)." (I can't remember the name of it). And to top it off, her roommate got married THIS SUMMER. My friend was SO upset... but then another mutual friend calmed her down and told her that yes, that was kind of a bitchy way for her roommate to go about telling her where her wedding was going to be considering the circumstances, BUT she has just as much a right to have her wedding there. Plus, their weddings are like, a year apart, so it'll still be awesome!

Ok just to clear a few things up..... Joyfulsong mentioned that there is only 2 months in between july and septmeber... you right, but i think you miss understood me. Danielle is getting married this september. September 27, 2008. Thats why matt and i waited and set our date at July 25, 2009. There is Plenty of time between our weddings.

and second Matt says that she is doing it to be a jerk and that she doesnt want to be the last of her family to get married (as she would be if she waited till after matt and i got married)

Shes not officially engaged yet, but according to christine, its comming soon and they have talked about it many times and so april is pretty much a for sure thing because in her words "i dont need to have a lot of time for planning because i already know where i want it and Todd and i have lots of money so we wont have to worry about cutting costs!"

I have read the other responses and I agree with everyone who says that you shouldnt let rhis bother you.  If she is getting married a whole 3 months before you, then it's not stealing your day, b.c. you have 90 days in between.  In some ways I do understand how you feel.  

My story is that I got engaged on valentines day this year.  Well my younger sister got engaged in april of this year, 2 months later, why the rush? then I felt just like you feel, she is trying to steal my thunder, my day, or whatever.  I wondered why would she get enaged all of a sudden? did she feel any pressure, probably, b.c. she has been with this guy over 7 years, they have a kid together, people have always asked them when are they getting married? I honestly feel they should get married b.c they are doing everything married people do but, why does it have to be around mine?  so now, i am wedding planning booked the place and looking for stuff, my family is always asking me things about it but, then they turn and ask my sister..... who will immediately get pissed, rolled her eyes, and talk sh*t, because they are no plans, there is no date, she isnt planning anything.  HUH???????? well, are they really getting married? that is what everyone is asking now?  I had to let the situation with my sis go b.c I had to be the better/bigger person.  

I feel like people are envious of other's sometimes when they do things like this.  As a courtesy to you, I wouldnt set up my wedding before yours, I would do it after, but she aint me and I aint her.   You will still have your day, just be the bigger person.  Your wedding will still be special.

I agree with the ladies who say this should not bother you- Intially I can understand being upset- I was upset when I found out that not 1 but 2 of my bridesmaids are pregnant-and they are my nieces--I felt like my thunder was being stole a little- I have even had to put my plans on hold because we have had to deal with the usual-new baby stuff--- I do get it- I have waited 8 years to marry my FH and I felt like I was being put on the back burner!
That said-- I did come back to reality and It's not all about me-so I got over it- Don't be mad- You will still have your gorgeous wedding to the man u love!

so did Matt's family ask you to wait til July '09 so it doesn't take away of their daughters wedding?  if so then i would say something about that!  
either way i would be upset also! it really does look like she is trying to show you up, not hurry up and start a family!  you should really talk to Matt about this and have him talk to his family about how you both are upset about this situation!  Good luck!

Thanks for all your comments.... I guess the reason it bothers me so much is because of why Matt said she is doing it. And the fact that Matt and i had the courtesy of waiting untill after Danielle's wedding and giving her ample time for her day and to have the spot light. I just wish that christine would have the same courtesy for Matt and I.

My SIL did this to my other SIL - so I do know what you are going through. Basically you have every right to be upset that is a right slap in the face. But you know what everyone will know this also and you have arranged your wedding first and foremost and you need to focus all your energy on this. My 2 SIL's (they are sisters? imagine) fell out over this and the girl who beat her sis to the altar didnt have the other as bridesmaid as originally planned. All is forgiven now but everyone including the parents themselves knew that this was done in a vain attempt to upstage the other and that the person behind all the dirty work was the new husband. He is a piece of work. So take deep breaths and rest assured that you are in the right here. I wouldnt be doing her anymore favors though and I hope your FH is behind you on this one!

I understang how you would be frustrated. but what are you supposed to do?? are you going to tell her tp post pone or what??? you dont want to seem like a bitch to your in laws. You should just try to be the bigger person. Besides a well planned wedding will be better then a shot gun wedding. Just try to make yours better so you dont loose your moment

Honestly..... it's not a big deal...if its 3 months before yours....... you have an advantage to go to her wedding and make sure your wedding will be a little different than hers.

Wow, I've read all of the comments and I'm sorry that this is weighing heavy on your mind.  I have SEVERAL friends that are getting married within the next two years about a couple of months apart from one another.  We are all friends and in each other's weddings.  But it is a time of excitement for us.  Everyone is happy, we know the FHs and everyone deserves the happiness that is coming to them.  

There are so many other things to worry about, I understand being a little bothered at first but dont let it rob you of enjoying your planning process.  I also wouldnt exclude her from the bridal party...maybe down the line you two will be able to create a friendship.  Good Luck!!! Tell us what you decide...

Aaaaaah.  I understand more clearly now.  Thanks for clarifying.

From my perspective, it seems that it's Christine's words and attitude that are mean-spirited, not the time frame.  Getting married three months before you do is only a part of it.  It seems that you and/or your FH think that Christine is saying these things to show you guys up.  If I were in your shoes, I would certainly feel hurt and angry, maybe even a bit bitter.  

Perhaps these are similar to your feelings.  It is ok to acknowledge your feelings, and work through them.  By doing this, you will be the bigger person. Assuming she does get engaged, and has her wedding three months before yours, people -KNOW- when someone is being petty and throwing around their money.  By not stooping to her level, you will look like a saint by comparision.

On the other hand, if her conversations were NOT to be malicious, it may help to talk to her, or have your FH talk to her directly.  If a miscommunication can be avoided, then you two could possibly use wedding planning and shopping to strengthen your relationship (assuming she does get engaged).  That being said, I like KimmyB's idea of keeping all the good ideas to yourself so she doesn't take them.

No baby girl you are not.... females can be very grimey and she might take alot of your ideas and have them in her wedding and she get all the oooo's and ahhh's for it. and then when you do you thang they might be like she copied everything she did. she could wait but she's not because she know it's pissing you off and I hate females like that don't tell her nothing else you doing for your wedding. just out do her make yours ten times better at least you do get to see what she working with first.lol

Thank Goodness I found this!  I am getting married at the beginning of December.  Got engaged last December and right when we got home after our trip when he proposed, his cousin (who he lived with) said, "oh I bought a ring too"  for his girlfriend, then left the house in a hurry (to buy the ring, we suppose! He's a liar) Then they get engaged in February and planned the wedding for September, before ours!!!  I was in her wedding and she will be in mine but I could just not believe it.  THEN, his  sister gets pregnant (she told me she was going off of birth contol a few months ago and had a scare that she was pregnant so I told her GET ON THE SHOT, since she cannot remember to take the pill!!!) So they are engaged now and planning a wedding ALSO in December!!!!  But a few weeks after mine.  

Can anyone else steal my thunder please!!!!!!????????

What do you really do about this....nothing. Ughhh. WOMEN!!!!

Ok so I know it has been a while since this was posted but thank goodness I found this site.

so this is my story

I have been dating my fiance for 3 years. He and I got engaged last nov. We set our date for July of 09 (we confirmed the date in jan 08). Well 1 week prior to going overseas my sister got engaged.

She is now getting married in less than a month. She turned into a total bridezilla. She is getting married at the same place. Registered at all the same places for very similar things. She bought a dress that was WAY too similar to the dress I wanted and sees nothing wrong with any of it.

Oh and that would all be bearable if...when i got engaged her response wasn't HEEEEEEYYYYY. Then she proceeded to discuss her guest list with my mother 2 weeks after I was engaged. She has made repeated comments such as..i hope your ok with this, but my ring is going to be so much bigger.


Well it has been hell and to make everything so much more fun my family thinks all of this is normal and I am crazy. Instead of having a copy cat wedding, I am having someone do a trial run with all my ideas 7 months early for my whole family to see. WHOO HOO. Now I look like the copy cat.

The worst part is that I have been very relaxed about everything. I haven't had any stress about planning because it is just one day, not our whole lives.