03/12/2010
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Do you find yourself having more arguments with your fh as your wedding day approaches?

Before I got engaged my fh and I rarely argued but since we have been engaged and planning our wedding I have either taken off my ring or he took it from me a few times and we have shouted, slammed doors and said mean things to each other (hes a hot head just like me at times when we argue). Last night I got deeply depressed about everything, so depressed that I went to bed at 8pm as my fh sat downstairs studying for a college exam. I find myself happy one minute and crying the next. There are days when I get nervous to even open my email because there may be something from my wedding party that Im just not in the mood to deal with. Its just drama to the left and the right. And now its effecting my fh and i even more each new day. we took a break from all the planning on wednesday and everything was great but then yesterday things started to bother me and when I shut down my fh gets upset which lead to an argument that shouldnt have happen. He woke me up after midnight and told me that he loves me, wants to take care of me,etc and as I slowly drifted off to sleep again it felt good to hear that. I know that our wedding day is just it : a day but for some reason its becoming such a mad house in my head. Im having issues with my bridesmaids and just in general the lack of communication with everyone is driving me bunkers. My entire party has never ever came together and with the wedding so close (april 24th) you would think everyone could have made the time to meet up. I have a few (and i mean few) friends i vent to but i still feel so alone to the point that i usually just break down and cry until im out of breath. Im such a taurus to the core that even when I argue with my fh Im so stubborn after an argument that I dont feel like im the one in the wrong. I just wish I had a more supportive wedding party. I wish they would want to help me with projects instead of me or my fh and i doing most of everything alone, I wish we had just ran off and eloped.
venting, arguments, wedding party, crying
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sarahlovesandy's Black wedding
sarahlovesandy
 |  Freedom, PA, USA  |  03/12/2010
it sounds to me like you need to deal with the stress. ASAP! letting things get to you like this is not healthy at all, for you and for your relationship. I'm sorry that your girlies aren't helping you more, but you need to figure something out immediately or it could get alot worse. Good luck, and feel free to vent on here.
rmmharrison's Red wedding
rmmharrison
 |  USA  |  03/12/2010
GIRL!!!! Wow, I can not tell you how bad the arguements have been.  For us, everything is multiplied.  It may have been a small problem while we were dating, and now its like "i cant live like this" and then two days later "i love you so much, i cant live without you" GRRRRR.  We had a bad one sunday so bad that I took off my ring and moved my stuff back to my house while he was at work.  that was monday.  I told him we are not to talk until tonight over dinner and he can decide if he wants to give me the ring back.  We have texted and sent emails and we are doing better but my goodnesss these arguements are bad!  I met with our pastor tues and he meets with him today. So, tonight is our make it or break it dinner :(.

To make things worse, he is going to the acadamy for the next 5 months and we only have 6 months til our wedding!  He comes back the week we are set to get married.

Sorry to vent on your page, i just really felt like you could relate.
futuremrsnixon1's Purple wedding
futuremrsnixon1
 |  Columbus, OH, USA  |  03/12/2010
im so sorry to hear that rmmharrison. yeah, its been like that for us. ive moved my stuff out of our place and back to my parents a few times since we've been engaged. its been up and down. i really hope you two work out your problems, sending a prayer your way.

thanks sarahlovesandy for the advice!
ccranetobe's Orange wedding
ccranetobe
 |  Melbourne, Andorra la vella, Australia  |  03/12/2010
we are the same.. some weeks we fight a little more than others. Simply because I have a stressful job and I come home and have to get things done.. then because Im doing other stuff hell make a comment without thinking.

I cry sometimes, ive taken the ring off once. but we are really working on our communication. our stress was added that he proposed 1 week after I moved in... so we didnt really have time to adjust to us living together and thats added stress. we deal with it and love each other to bits. They say if you can survive wedding planning you can survive most things :)
tashasita's Purple wedding
tashasita
 |  Hamilton, ON, Canada  |  03/12/2010
You're stressed, and for more than this wedding. You have alot of stuff to deal with, and you're helping your mom move, and you're dealing with a lot of emotions from a lack of support from the wedding party plus stuff. Keep in mind why you are doing this - why you want to marry him. Once when Mark was on a deployment and taking all his stress out on me and I wanted to just call it quits, I took an hour and wrote out the good and bad things. I wrote why I loved him and what frustrated me. And I looked at both and realized that a) no one is perfect, least of all me and 2) He is absolutely worth the work.

When you know that you're heading into something that will have its ups and downs but you know why you're doing it, it makes it easier.

Also, it's hard not to take your emotions out on those closest to you, but tell him why you're upset, and don't make him your punching bag. That goes for him too! I don't mean to put the blame on you, but not talking to him lol. You can vent to him, and let him in - communication is sooo key in any relationship - try, really really try, not to shut him out. There are days I just want to bawl my eyes out and not speak, but I push myself to tell him why. And most of the time, after I have told him, I feel a million times better.

Good luck sweetie. And you know we are here.

:::HUGS:::
saminta5's Pink wedding
saminta5
 |  Chicago, IL, USA  |  03/12/2010
HAHAHAHA we went to Canda just the 2 of us because of this very reason. When I was planning the Canada ceremony everything was perfect we agreed on EVERYTHING, now we doing the event here giiirrrlll I want to slap the shit out of her sometimes cause it's a fight about everything. OMG The colors, the bridal party, the moms dresses, the food, the linen, the dj, the favors, the hotels, EVERYTHING! I really don't give a shit about the dj but she wants to spend 1,600 on a radio personality dj when I found the female radio personality for 800! Who cares about his popularity??? We are on a budget and if we gonna spend 1600 lets hire a professional dj company that will give us more than a few mix cds(that he probably already made up) Girl y did you open up Pnadora's box and get me mad as hell again? lmfao
fijipearl's Red wedding
fijipearl
 |  Arlington, TX, USA  |  03/12/2010
DONT EVEN GET ME STARTED !!! BUT SINCE YOU ASKED, YES !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
...but ours are about his kids. The main thing is trust and discipline with consequences. Money was stolen out of my purse by his 22 year old daughter a few months ago who has her own place but still has access to the house...wtf? ...and his 17 year old is moving back after only being gone to live with his mom for 3 months. His 13 year old daughter lives with her mother and only comes for visits, THANK GOD. It took me 8 hours to clean both rooms they lived in because they are nasty.  None of them ever clean up after themselves and Daddy still does their laundry!! They have no rules, no respect, and no boundaries..etc. That is what I call no home training...
He and I had a come to Jesus meeting Tuesday and I told him exactly what was my issues are concerning their behavior. I know this is part of my purpose of being his wife-to be the help-meet to assist him in training his kids to be better adults. It's hard for me...but I love him and kids are in your life temporarily and only for a season. Eventually they move out, get jobs, develop their own life. Kids are however a reflection of the adults that raised them.
I told him we need to give them better instructions/life skills so they make better choices when they are on their own. My degree in Marriage & Family Counseling is definitely going to be put to good use. It will be a challenge, BUT IT WILL GET DONE...WOO-SAH....
rmmharrison's Red wedding
rmmharrison
 |  USA  |  03/12/2010
wow you really did open up pandoras box! lol.  I know we all can be pissed as heck now, but no one has presented anything that bad.  Ladies we will get through this.  Like ccranetobe said, if we can make it through this together we can survive it all!
alwayshis's Red wedding
alwayshis
 |  Saint charles, IL, USA  |  03/12/2010
I'm so sorry to hear about everyone's stress & fights....mine hasn't been too bad, but I definitely have an attitude lately with the planning stress. One thing that has helped us & has worked every time (so far!) has been our rule to never let the day end with either of us angry. I know it's easier said than done & that doesn't mean that issues are resolved immediately....but we always at least force ourselves to talk it out before the day's over. That way, we can at least know how each other is feeling & we can think about options for resolving it, or maybe how our actions have affected each other. Hope things get better for you ladies!! Seriously, just try talking it out (even when you don't want to be near him) & it should at least help.
rmmharrison's Red wedding
rmmharrison
 |  Tampa, FL, USA  |  03/12/2010
we actually perfected the not going to sleep mad part :).  Problem was we never resolved the issue.  We kiss make up have dinner watch tv, and move on with our day.  Neither one of us like being mad so it is hard for ust to hold out for days on end.  But we have been having the same 3 arguements for almost a year!  Sex, male friends, and weight gain!  This week was just the final straw for me.
mrsbrett's Pink wedding
mrsbrett
 |  Holland, OH, USA  |  03/12/2010
Ever since we set the date, we have done nothing but argue.
It seems FH expects everything to be FREE or damn near close to free. He complained about the cost of my dress, his tux, our rings, the girls dresses, decorations, flowers, hall, food, photographer,--basically, you name it, he bitched about it!
I should tell you that we are having a bare bones wedding-- rock bottom prices on everything and He is STILL complaining!
I had imagined things a certain way and due to our extremely tight budget, I have had to pretty much change every single thing!
Invitations- $30-- cheapest we could find.
Dress: $349- cheapest we could find in my size
Hall: $200--cheapest we could find
Food/Drink: $10/person-- cheapest we could find
Cake: $2.25 per person-- cheapest we could find
Church/pastor: Free
Rings- $150 for the set of 2-- cheapest we could find
Veil- $60-- cheapest we could find
Decorations-- all from DOLLAR store
Flowers-- $250-- cheapest florist in town
Today, he stated that the florist fees were "TOO expensive" and that he wanted us to use flowers from the local supermarket.
Argh! Please help!
I am trying to have a nice wedding, within reason, but he is just dead set on having the basement bargain price with no consideration at all for what I had in mind.
The kicker: I wanted matching dresses for my daughters, but FH said that it was "too expensive" and 'THey don't HAVE to match!"
He also told me not to spend more than $20 per dress-- well my daughters are 6 and 11-- so they wear different size ranges. Finding matching flowery dresses at Target/Kmart/Walmart was IMPOSSIBLE! So when I came home and told him that I found some dresses on sale for $10 each, he was happy, until he saw that they did NOT match. Then he said "I thought they were supposed to Match!"
Aaargh! I was ready to just give up!
Either you spend a lot for matching dresses or you spend a little and they DON"T match-- but you can't have it both ways!
chanelbride's White wedding
chanelbride
 |  Sacramento, CA, USA  |  03/12/2010
Oh yes, mam!
rodrhonda4ever's Blue wedding
rodrhonda4ever
 |  Sacramento, CA, USA  |  03/13/2010
Girl, heck yes!  During this time last year we were having venue blues and our wedding was in May! He was getting heavily on my nerves, because he was acting like a little *&S! We had to make a decision on the venue changes and he was being so difficult when I found one that I liked. He didn't. I wanted to wrap my hands around his bold neck....Anyways, I love my baby. We ended up having a wonderful time. It's all part of the testing part of the relationship with all the stress issues of wedding planning. Keep it moving and love your man.
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