08/16/2011
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What have you been told?

MrsMagraff2be was asking what our fears are, if we have any, about marriage.
So it got me to thinking about what FH and I have heard through older couple that have managed to stay married about what they say it takes to make a marriage work.
Here are some things we have heard.
One couple that was in their 80's told us that through the years we may fall out of love with each other many times but the key was to never fall out of love at the same time. -Now most of you will say oh I wont fall out of love but just think about it. It makes sense. Its not saying you wont love your partner, but we do get caught up in life and forget to really stay connected.

That brings me to what the next couple said to us they were married over 50 years! They said that you can never forget to date each other. That you will change many times through the course of a lifetime and you had to keep getting to know one another. -This couple still holds hands and have dates!!

Another couple said to keep family and friends out of your marriage. They said it was ok to have one good friend to talk to but to be careful. If you go to your bff or family member and complain about your hubby, that person can get resentful of your partner. They said to pick someone that knows its just a vent. But to never do it with family. - I can see why too.

Next we was told to watch what we say in the heat of the moment. One mean thing this time and another mean thing next time eventually add up. Never know what mean thing will be the straw that breaks the camels back.

I love this one from Dr. Phil! He says would you rather be RIGHT or would you rather be HAPPY? That should almost say it all.

Thats all I can think of off the top of my head.

What advice have yall been given???
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kaylag
 |  Manchester, NH, USA  |  08/16/2011  | 
great post!! especially the part about keeping family and friends out of your marriage. ken has gone to his cousin to vent and now he has started all this drama telling him how he hates me and that we shouldn't get married. it's too bad because the damage has already been done :(
laurie88's Orange wedding
laurie88
 |  Westminster, MD, USA  |  08/16/2011  | 
All of this is great advice, and things I've heard as well, but also learned in the 9 years of our relationship. We grew up together, we started dating when I was just 14 years old, so obviously we went through some stages in our relationship. I found myself questioning our relationship tons of times, but after we split for 4 months I realized I couldn't see myself with anyone but him. We are both hard headed and stubborn. Which makes things hard for us sometimes.. but some good advice I got was not to be afraid to back down from an arguement, not all the time, but sometimes.  It's easy to get caught up in the moment. I think dating after your married is SO important, Hubby and I have date night once a week no matter what! It could be just us sitting on the patio out back by ourselves having some drinks and eating dinner, we try to do different things together as well, they say an in love couple does new things together all the time to keep the relationship passionate. Which makes sense to me!

This is an awesome post.. and I'm excited to see what other advice girls on the site have heard!
mrsmagraff2be's Black wedding
mrsmagraff2be
 |  Houston, TX, USA  |  08/16/2011  | 
love it!!!!

I have been told all of the above....along with Keep positive company....negative energy is not good for a marriage and watch out for single lonely friends....you never know if they want to switch places with you so they may not be the best to keep the marriage on track!

ALSO!

Dont be afraid to try new things. In life we tend to build a pattern and forget to step outside of our own box. Try new things..visit new places..meet new people...whatever you have to in order to remain interested in life itself as well as partner....

Another thing that I havent really been told because religion seems to have taken a backseat for some reason....but regardless of who you worship....a family that prays together stays together. You have to be willing to worship your God because it is under him that you are one!

GREAT post girl!!!!
fairytalebride's Blue wedding
fairytalebride
 |  Toronto, ON, Canada  |  08/16/2011  | 
Be patient, dont be selfish, pick your battles wisely, learn to listen and be open minded. Communicate, Remeber men are different than women, be honest & trust each other, Dont compare yr marriage to anyone eles. Take time for eachother and time for yrself. Date nights are very important!, Remind eachother what you love about eachother. And yes things will change  its how you make those changes work that matters I have heard some of these from my parents that been married over 25 yrs and alot I have learned in the last 10 yrs being married.
nursekc909's Black wedding
nursekc909
 |  Fontana, CA, USA  |  08/16/2011  | 
great post!!!! we are actually doing this thing at our wedding where couples who have been married a long time will write us a piece of advice on some pretty paper we created for our scrapbook. Im curious to see what they write =D but very true all you wrote. I think the pick your battles one is the one I hear the most, and the would you rather be right or would you rather be happy The other one my mom has told methat your husband should be your best friend, so if you have a best friend dont let that title get between you. He should be the first to know whats on your mind, the first to know whats bothering you, dont go behind his back and tell someone else, because communication is the number one best thing you can do for yourselves
princesni's Pink wedding
princesni
 |  Luanda, Luanda, Angola  |  08/17/2011  | 
wow great post!! like the other post, i also dont have many examples of succesful marriages in my family but yes ive heard the pick ur battles,  ones wich is a toughie for me since i dont back out easily, but during our 4 yrs together ive come to realise that sometimes its much better to give in and keep the peace...
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