08/19/2008
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Do you think we should change the wedding date?

My fiance and I went to see his family in another province about a week ago, and everyone is really happy for us. The problem is, he has a few old and ill relatives who are concerned that they might not live to attend our wedding in 2010.

So, my future mother and father in law have asked that if they lend us $5000 on top of the $4000 they originally wanted to give us for the wedding (the 5 grand to be repaid), would we get married sooner.

I don't really want to get married sooner - I won't finish school until December, which means no full-time job until January, and on top of that we are going to Europe next June. I just don't see where the money would possibly come from, even with a generous loan and gift.

On top of that, I'm 22 and don't want to be so young....we JUST moved in together this weekend, so I would like time to adjust to our new life. I like the idea of having almost two full years to plan (even if the first year is mostly just scoping out ideas)

My question: would you consider getting married much sooner to accomodate older relatives who are worried they might die first? I would love to....I might lose my Nan before then, but also there are so many reasons not to.
tamaragb's Chocolate wedding
 |  Carmel, NY, USA  |  08/19/2008  | 
No i think you should get married when you are ready to.  My dad tried to get me to get married sooner because my grandparents are 95 and 91- but we were not financially ready.  Although it would be nice for everyone to be able to attend our wedding- sometimes that just is not the reality of it- People pass away- I am sure that there are people that have already passed that you may have wanted to be a part of it- that's the way life is-unfortunatley.  Hopefully your loved ones will still be here when you are ready to wed- and if not, they will be missed...and live on in memories. and in your heart.
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JoyfulSong
 |  Ottawa, ON, Canada  |  08/19/2008  | 
That's a tough question to answer.  If that were my situation, I would consider it.  There are pros and cons to both.

I would suggest looking at the situation from all angles, not just financially.  Look at things like how close your FH's family is, and other family dynamics.  

By turning down their request, you could be telling them, "I don't care about your loved ones" or something else like that.

At the same time, if you truly aren't ready for marriage, then the pressure to marry could strain your marriage. Now, it may not. Perhaps if you decide to move up the wedding, you two can still mentally be prepared for your union.

Talk it over with your fiance, and all related parties.  Keep other's feelings in mind.  Good luck with your decision.
amcs76's Green wedding
 |  Whitby, ON, Canada  |  08/19/2008  | 
I would say it would depend how how important it is to you that those family members be there. If the answer is very important, then maybe consider moving the wedding up a year, and maybe go to Europe for your honeymoon. Just a suggestion, but do what you and your FI feel is important to the two of you.
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halibride
 |  Halifax, NS, Canada  |  08/19/2008  | 
It's so hard to say....we are all going to Europe as a family (FH, FH's parents, FH's sister & boyfriend).....pushing the wedding ahead was a suggestion by the FH's parents to basically appease FH's mother's parents.....

I don't think we'd be offending anyone by not changing our date....I really just don;t think it's feasable. We'd get married tomorrow if it were free to do so, but the money is a HUGE issue for the traditional wedding we and our families are set on.
celestaries's Blue wedding
 |  West palm beach, FL, USA  |  08/21/2008  | 
I would consider it but you have to do things when you are ready to do them and if you are not ready then maybe you should go on with your regular date. This is really a hard question but you should really sit down and talk to you FH and see how he feels about it.
tiggre99's Red wedding
 |  Herndon, VA, USA  |  11/12/2008  | 
While it would be nice to have your elder family members present, you need to think what is best for you and your FH.  You don't want to have any regrets on something that could have prevented (either not having the ceremony you want, or not having the wedding sooner).  The reality is-that is does not matter what age someone is, anyone can "go" at anytime.  I had friend pass away 2 years ago at the age of 24.  She would have been a bridesmaid.  Perhaps you can arrange to have pictures done with the family members you feel may not make it to your wedding.  Bottom line-what is more important to you?  Having the family present or having the traditional wedding?  Now if you aren't entirely ready to get married then I wouldn't rush it.  For those who can't make it you can always set up a rememberance table at your ceremony and reception.
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