Engagement

Postponed

Hi girls. 1st congrats to the ladies who were just married and who have crossed over to marriage. I wish the absolute best to you ladies especially phillysgirl and tiffanyranaekasten.

The past few weeks have been a bit rough for me. Starting with my ex bestfriend who I've known since childhood and her shutting me down for asking her to be my MOH and becoming engaged to FH. She said she didn't care for FH too much because she didn't think he was a good enough guy. That really hurt me. And I guess I hurt her because I didn't really listen to her. I just got angry and she was already angry. So we had a tiff. After some time had passed and I asked another friend to be my MOH, she finally calls me and says we need to talk. So we met up yesterday and we talk about things. Basically it came down to this. She knew about an affair that my FH had had with someone (a former friend of hers, not anyone I know) when we first got engaged about 2 years ago. She never told me she said because she didn't want me to be angry with her and her life was kind of messed up then because she had just got divorced herself around that time. It was kind of a hard time so I'm not mad at her at all for what she did. She and I are ok again. She doesn't support my decision to stay engaged to him, but she said she respects it.

The wedding may be postponed though. The only reason I am forgiving him is because when we talked today he did not deny anything. He told me the whole truth and he swore that it happened one time and it was a mistake. I believe him. I just dontthink that I can marry him right now. I still love him but I just can't see this clearing up over night. We are going to have to work very hard to get back to where we were. He is not even mad at her for telling me the truth he says he feel like it's a relief that i know because says he loves me and did not want to lie to me. He and this girl had some history that I won't get into. The story is too long. The only reason my friend knows is because she knew this girl that he messed around with 2 years ago and this girl confirmed it with her. Then my FH confirmed it with me after my friend told me the truth yesterday. To think I would probably not have known this if I hadn't asked her to be my MOH! It scares me to think about it.

I have not been able to sleep or cry. I just really think I will feel better if I can just cry. I don't think it has hit me yet. I am sitting here and it feels unreal that for 2 years I didn't know anything happened. Even if it was just one time. It still happened and I didn't know and we have been engaged all this time doing so many things and making plans and preparations. And all this time that lie has been there. Well as of right now there is no wedding happening in October for me. My dress will be arriving in a few months, but I may sell it anyway. I bought a few other things, but I just will have to sell that stuff too or give it all away. The money means nothing! My happiness and being sure of my life is what matters. When we do get married, I do not want to keep these plans, this theme, that dress, or anything to remind of what started. I want to start fresh. That is what we will need, a fresh start.

I will be here to support the other brides if it is not too painful for me. You all have great posts and cute ideas. I am happy for all of you. Keep us in your thoughts please.