Ask a Question - devastated...priest won't let me walk down the aisle with my dad

what a Jack a$$! (sorry) but what in that xxxx is wrong with him!? :'( I am crying with you ... ((hugs))

That is just awful!!!! I hope it works out for you.. Best of luck sweetie :(

I have never in my life seen a catholic wedding like that. And neither has anyone in my family. I was born and raised catholic and I've never even HEARD of that!!!

Also, what's his problem!!! why does he HAVE to stick to that ritual?? He sounds like a bit of a control freak. It's not like the pope has said that if you marry someone in any other way you'll be excommunicated?? or that you'll go to heck???

I think this is just him being a control freak. I would write to the archbisschop or someone! I seriously would. that's SO unfair and SOOOO cruel

that is ca-razy! born and raised catholic i have never seen or heard of anything like that. but catholics are known for being stubborn (sorry) and taking tradition super, super seriously (i no longer practice). do you know where fr steve went? can you contact him yourself? i would also contact the church administration and the archbishop for your area. it would be different if you guys just came up with this "crazy" plan yourself but you planned it with another priest. raise hell (jk)!

wow who is he to tell you how to have your day??? umm last time I checked it was 2009 not 1979

It sounds like he really doesnt want to do your wedding. Get a different priest!!

BTW I love the photographer (Jill Greenberg) who's picture you posted. This exhibit ("End Times") is so touching!!

Omy LORD! I cant believe he is telling you this. Seriusly!@@@!
I'm also catholic and I had never heard or seen a wedding like that. Try to call the people who gave you the prep course, or contact your old priest. Maybe they can guide you and help you in how to fix this. If that doesn't work make an appointment and talk to him. Hopefully he realizes that even if he does things different, you guys where prep for someting else, your wishes where different and there is so little time for him to drop this bomb on you.
Hopefully things work.

I also had to seek another priest as mine was already book for that day-never mind the fact that I called and called and the church lady didn't handle things on her end! Sorry I guess I'm venting with you. This sounds absolutely crazy!! I'm not too sure how things are in your church, but I would try to deal with some one other than that priest. Not sure if this helps, but if you are not doing a full mass (with communion) then a deacon would also be able to perform your vows. Good luck!

Thanks ladies, I really appreciate all of the comments and ideas of what to do..I am at a loss. Our families are absolutely devastated about this news and I am going to try and set up a meeting with him to discuss everything an the option of having a deacon preform the ceremony. I think the old priest is already preforming a marriage ceremony at the same time as ours :( I am so distraught and upset, I don't know what to do...

are you serious?!! That's terrible and unprofessional on his part..I hope you can find an alternative officiant! Good Luck!

Thats a bunch of craziness I have never heard of anything like that hopefully it all works out in the end mybe the other priest should do it you will be better off. What a jerk though!!

I'm Catholic and all the weddings I've been to are catholic weddings, and never have I heard of such a thing. Check with the archodises and the head priest at the church that you're getting married. My experience with the Catholic church is there isn't uniformity and some priest want to do what they were doing back in 1979 instead of what is in place today.

Best wishes!

That's just craziness! I hope you get it all figured out. Isn't it every father's wish to walk his beautiful daughter down the aisle at her wedding? what the heck?

That is a bunch of BS!!!! FH and I and all sides of family are cradle Catholics (born/raised) and I've never heard or seen such a thing!

I would complete and utterly done with that church as long as he's the priest!!!! I also would right a letter to the diocese explaining the situtaion and how you are embarassed to be Catholic after dealer with mr Priest the wedding recker!

I'm so mad for you...bc seriously what an Ahole and not to mention its so "christian" of him so tell you what you HAVE to do for YOUR wedding!

We've had some difficulties with our Priest but nothing like this! I'm just pissed I have to pay the church $100 and the priest $100 but I get told what time my wedding and rehearsal will be...no if ands or buts or he won't do it! That is total crap!!!! Plus we live out of town about 2 hours north and he is NEVER able to meet with us!!!! We still have to get together one last time and our wedding is October 3rd!!!! We've asked to meet him the last 4 weekends and "he's busy" that is crap!!!! We have to drive 2 hours to meet for 1 hour and he can't ever make it work with our schedule! FH works nights so its very inconvient to do it during the week bc I work til 5 pm and he has to go into work at 10!!!

Okay there's my rant!!! I hope it works out and boo our crappy priests!!! Cheers to a beverage to have a nice holiday weekend my fellow bride!

OK i am not Catholic but surely this is a load of BS?????
I have NEVER heard of a wedding being done like this EVER- is he kidding????
I think you should stick to your guns here, and insist that this was all sorted before he came along and you are NOT changing things at the last minute, its YOUR wedding and if things were arranged prior to him arriving then that is unlucky but you shouldnt have to accommodate him like this, so silly!!!!
Hope you get this sorted hun

I'd say have someone else marry you, perhaps Fr Steve will agree but the deacon is also fine. Good luck sweetie!!!

i actually saw someone else post this problem on wbc awhile back!! before that i heard of it in my church history class, i went to a catholic hs. catholics are all about tradition so i can totally see this happening.. i really hope the other priest can marry you, or that this guy will somehow see eye to eye with you and your family!!! good luck!!

OMG. Thats horrible. I can't believe he has "his" way of marrying people. I have never seen a wedding like that either. I hope Fr. Steve can do it. Good luck!! =]

Nat!! I am so sad for you right now :( I can't believe he is being so difficult! I'm sure if you have a face to face meeting with him he will see how importnant it is to have your dad walk you down the aisle and he will just have to let you do it!! Is there anyone else last minute that can marry you? (that will actually respect your wishes)
good luck hun, keep us updated ! xo

how aggravating, I hope it all works out for you~

Thanks ladies, I appreciate all of the support. I emailed the priest back this morning asking a bunch of questions, if we can set up a meeting and if there is a possibility of the Deacon marrying us, and he has yet to email me back. I also called the church, but they are not answering the phones for some reason. I would really like for this to be resolved before the weekend...I am still very upset and stressed about this.
xo

what yor priest is talking about is a ROMAN Catholic tradition. This thradition goes way way back where it is said that the man and woman are coming together in front of god to join hands in marriage.

for those of you who are catholic, what you are used to is a new tradition... many churches have gone away with the bride and the groom walking together..

also there is usually a full mass with a catholic wedding.

from this website: http://www.weddingdetails.com/lore/catholic.cfm#processional

The Processional

Many Catholic churches encourage the bride and groom to greet their guests as they enter the church for the ceremony. The processional may begin with the priest meeting the bride and groom at the entrance and then lead them and their attendants to the altar; or the priest and ministers proceed to the altar to receive the bride, groom and their attendants.
Also, the processional might include the cross bearer, the priest and servers, as well as the witnesses, bridesmaids and groomsmen. The groom is encouraged to process in with his parents; and the bride with her parents. (This is optional).

If the bride is in the processional with her father only, he escorts her up the aisle, on his right arm. When he gives her hand to the groom, he then steps back and joins his wife in the first pew. (The escort, by tradition, is a man.) If the bride has no one for the role, she traditionally walks up the aisle alone. If step parents are involved, different suggestions are made.

I suggest you talk to your priest about this bc he is wrong unless he really believes in the old tradition... if thats the case then are you also having a full mass???

nat i'm so, so sorry to hear that this has been thrown on you... especially last minute... :( i know how stressful things can be towards the end and this is the LAST thing you need...

i have to agree with ikaufman08... in italy this is typically how the weddings in church are. and here the priests can be really, really strict about other things as well (for example, the bride has to have her shoulders covered while in the church, etc. etc.). however, there are some priests that are more lenient than others (going back to my previous example, some will consider a veil that covers the bride's shoulders ok).

your best bet is try to have another priest or deacon marry you. it sounds like this is a very old-fashioned and stubborn priest and i seriously doubt that he will sway for you. however, don't stop with him, take it up with the next level. i'm sure you will find someone sympathetic to your cause.

my fingers are crossed for you (& especially for your dad!)

baci
amy

Huh???? I can't believe what I'm hearing. I'm speechless!

let him ask someone else. he obviously has no concept of how catholics have been doing weddings for the last 100 years. besides... why can't he adjust what he prefers considering the church will STILL acknowledge you as being married doing it the traditional way? I feel sorry for your entire church. This priest isn't loving the flock. How strange.

WOW! I know nothing about the Catholic church, but good common sense and reason tells me that this is RIDICULOUS!!

Ok here this out im greek orthodox and there tradition is the same that the bride and groom walk down the aisle in the church. I have always dreamed that my dad would walk me down the aisle and to have bridesmaid and groomsmen (whcih also they dont have) so what we have done is replicated whats inside outside.
I got a runner and im going to run it outside and on each side will be flowers and i will have bridesmaid and moh and groosmen walk first follwed by our religious sponsors and then my dad will walk down ** the aisle and give me away to my fh.

Its not 100% the same but at least i feel that im getting what i have always wanted but at least in some ways i feel he will be giving me away. Find out if he will allow you outside to do something along the lines of this is you like the solution. :)

Hope this helps and heres to our weddings which are approchaing so very fast.

this is just ridiculous..he has to realize how huge of a deal a wedding is to a woman, especially how important it usually is to her to have her father walk her down the aisle. he's not your wedding planner he's the priest! ughh i'm so frustrated for you. i really hope this all works out for you..i'll be thinking of you! keep us all posted! xoxo

We had a Catholic ceremony too. We had a different priest marry us because he was our high school religion teacher, but we still had to meet with the priest in charge of the church we married at. He gave us a booklet with all the readings to choose from, and I read in the book that that is how a Catholic ceremony should be...that the father doesn't give the bride away because we are not "property" to be given away. I had NEVER heard of that either, and was so worried that my dad would be disappointed that he wouldn't be able to walk me down the aisle. Fortunately, the priest who married us was very flexible, and had no problem with my dad walking me down the aisle, and he also didn't make us greet the guests and then walk down the aisle together. I think that's a very old school Catholic tradition, that isn't typically practiced anymore.

I think that if Fr. Steve isn't going to be flexible, and since it sounds like he practices old school Catholic traditions, that it might be best to find a different Catholic church, with a more flexible priest. Because if Fr. Steve isn't going to allow you to have one song you chose, or allow your father to walk you down the aisle, there will probably be more things that will come up, that he won't allow.

I cant believe this sweetie, I am so sorry I am really praying for you right now that everything turns out good and in your favor

yes, My priest prefered that we greet guests and that we walk down together. He did not make us though...just suggested. He does know a lot of priests who will only do it this way. It is because the old tradition of the father giving away the bride no longer applys. Brides usually have lived away from their father for a long time...even with the groom before the wedding. Also he says that you are inviting all these people to a party. If you were throwing a party at your house you wouldn't wait upstairs and come down once everyone is there....you would greet them. He also make the point that the tradition is not seeing the bride before the wedding was so that the groom wouldn't change his mind after seeing her as the marrige at the time would have been arranged.

So as you can see....really their reasoning makes sence. we follow these old traditions that really make no sence anymore. That being said. I wanted my daddy to walk me down and I didnt want my husband to see me before the wedding. luckly my priest wasn't that strict but if your priest is then you are not going to be able to change his mind. Maybe since you booked the church you could have a priest from a different church perform the ceremony at your church so you don;t have to change to location.

ohh I just read the comments people put on here. A little tolerance people. The priest is aloud to peform a ceremony as his beliefs determine. If people don't like it they don't have to use him. This case just sucks as there was another priest when the wedding was booked but the harsh comments against the priest are a little uncalled for. In the same was that hotpink should be able to have the wedding the way she wants he should not have to change his beliefs for someone as well. Its a bad pairing and bad timing. Thats all. He's not being as A$$. What a thing to say.

kyla1346...thanks for the comments. The problem that I was having was not with the beliefs of the priest, but the fact that he was not going to tell me until the rehearsal, and I found this out 8 days before the wedding. Also, this priest does not give an option, as you said yours does, he strictly follows this rite. No one is saying that he should change his beliefs, but that brides should be aware of his practices as soon as they decide to go with this specific church.

Either way, thank you everyone for all of the comments, they definitely made me feel better. Also, if you read the following post, we are now having a Deacon marry us the way that we would like :)

I have one thing to say...IT IS YOUR DAY! YOU ONLY GET MARRIED ONCE, AND MOST OF US SPEND OUR WHOLE LIVES WAITING FOR THIS SPECIAL DAY-DONT YOU DARE LET ANYONE TRY TO STEER YOU INTO A DIRECTION YOU DON'T WANT. It sounds like he is trying to make excuses not to marry you for whatever reason? I hope you find someone who will support your wishes, it's a big day and you don't want to enter a marriage on someone elses demands-it needs to be you and your hubby to be that make those decisions; not the priest

I feel you. I'm luthern & my family has been members in the same church for 37 years, when we got our new pastor.. he baptised our daughter (Every child in our family has been baptised there for the last 2 generations) and then, 3 months later.. he informs me that he will NOT marry me or allow another pastor to marry us in "HIS" church.. simply because Fiance & I live in the same house.. well, duh.. We do have 2 children together.

Moral of the story,,
Sometimes, they can be such assholes :(
I hope Father Steve can marry you!

My aunt had a catholic wedding and my grandfather walked her down the aisle :-\

hotpink said...

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