05/19/2008
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How do you ask for money politely?

Well, this has been on my mind recently and I thought I'd ask. How do you ask your guests politely to give you money instead of presents?
To understand where I'm coming from here's a little background story.
For a few months now my FI has been in some sort of transfer-mode at his company as we may be relocating to the US. For this reason we don't need anything material as we don't want to ship out anything (the other reason is that we've been living together for almost 6 years in a fully furnished household and we don't need another toaster or wineglass-set). Initially, I wanted to tell all our guests to NOT bring anything, we'd be just happy for them to come and celebrate with us.
However, my Mum said that (in her opinion) quite a few people will turn up with either presents or an envelope.
So that made me think: How do you tell people that if they WANT to give us something they could give us cash (ie contribute to stuff for our new home)?
Tricky.
cash gift
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fabulousmrsklein's Pink wedding
fabulousmrsklein
 |  Aurora, IL, USA  |  05/19/2008  | 
girl you can't tell them... I say just tell your parents and your close friends and have the spread the word, since your wedding is out of town I think most people will not bring a present...

...start spreading the word ;)
katuska's Red wedding
katuska
 |  London, London, city of, United kingdom  |  05/19/2008  | 
Hey Early Bird! You're right, but my friends are so crap at these things, when asked to spread the word they'd just say to everyone: "Man, a fat envelope will do!"
I read somewhere else, that if you get presents that you don't want, just sell them on Ebay or give them away at christmas. I think that is awful and extremely rude. Anyway, we'll see. I'd rather no one gave us anything. :oS
fabulousmrsklein's Pink wedding
fabulousmrsklein
 |  Aurora, IL, USA  |  05/19/2008  | 
Haha...well at least when people give gifts they usually give a gift receipt  (spell??) lol and then you can turn it into the store for store credit. Eventually you will need to buy something :)

I have told many of my family members (guests) that I hope my cage gets filled with envelopes and I don't have one box, lol, I am out spoken so they just laugh at me... but when it comes time I think they will remember my jokes (BIG FAT HINTS)

Kata... I hope you get MANY MANY MANY envelopes!! You need a lot of $$$ to move!
katuska's Red wedding
katuska
 |  London, London, city of, United kingdom  |  05/19/2008  | 
Nah, it'll be cheap! I'm camping out at yours...
porcelainbride's Green wedding
porcelainbride
 |  Cary, NC, USA  |  05/19/2008  | 
technically, there isn't really a right way to ask for it. by etiquette standards, it's supposed to be by word of mouth from your families and bridal party. One thing I have seen done is to set up a type of registry that basically is for nothing other than cash, and call it a "buy a house fund" type deal (obviously, better worded than that)
's wedding
mochabrown
 |  Norcross, GA, USA  |  05/19/2008  | 
Maybe you should have a Wishing Well, where people can place cards with money into.
fabulousmrsklein's Pink wedding
fabulousmrsklein
 |  Aurora, IL, USA  |  05/19/2008  | 
YEAAAAAA I am ready!! but this "camping" has to be done in guest room lol...
marta12's Blue wedding
marta12
 |  Chicago, IL, USA  |  05/19/2008  | 
Connie is right, word of mouth is the only way to let your guests know cash is preffered. Also, how about registering for a honeymoon? Dinners? Nights out etc? Some people just hate to give money and should have an option to gift you something.

Will you be living in Illinois area?
gemasa7's Chocolate wedding
gemasa7
 |  Winston salem, NC, USA  |  05/19/2008  | 
Well, I know about someone that had the very same situation that you do....what she did was something " We will be please with your presence only. If it is your wish to provide a gift we would appreciate to have it transfer to our account 88877774444. Blah blah blah something like that ....I dunno how people took it but it seems it was much easier for them because I can tell you she got lots $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$
's wedding
jennifer
 |  Plymouth, MN, USA  |  05/19/2008  | 
wherever your registered at  just have a few itemsyou would like picked.  people then should get the hint then to just give money. thats how my friend did it and it worked out great for her!
bekah301's Black wedding
bekah301
 |  Pompano beach, FL, USA  |  05/19/2008  | 
Yeah, I was told the same. Keep you registry small and add maybe add a honeymoon donations to it. Word of mouth is the best way but I think it's not too rude to mention it politely on a website.
debbiev's Pink wedding
debbiev
 |  San diego, CA, USA  |  05/19/2008  | 
This is where moms, dads, siblings, and bridal party come in handy. We just wanted cash because we are saving for a house. So, all of the above people would say, "They have lived together for 2 years and have everthing thing they need. They live in a small apartment but are saving for a house, so they are not registered anywhere." According to all the stuff I read, it's very rude to ask, but others can suggest it!! And we got at least 3 Grand at the wedding... HOLLA!!
katuska's Red wedding
katuska
 |  London, London, city of, United kingdom  |  05/20/2008  | 
Thanks a lot for all your replies. I guess I'll have to ask my family to start 'spreading the word'.
Debbie, wow! 3 grand, well done!!!
Marta, we'd be moving to Houston, TX, but we don't know when. My FI is an investment banker and the US financial market is a little shaky at the moment plus there are huge buyouts happening which makes the recruitment process even slower than usual. I don't expect us to move very soon, but you never know.
tracydurmon's Black wedding
tracydurmon
 |  Cobden, IL, USA  |  05/21/2008  | 
I tink word of mouth is the best way but you could also mwybe say on the invitations your presence only since we cannot take large items when we move. Worded differently though lol. But I think people would understand and not feel like they have to buy something and most will give you money in the long run. Personally I would rather give money since its saves me the trip of shopping lol.
schokolade's Blue wedding
schokolade
 |  Markham, ON, Canada  |  05/22/2008  | 
I agree with everyone... by word of mouth... get your family and closest friends to spread the word subtly.  I've once gotten an invite that say that they'd prefer gift in cash! on the actualy invite!  I was turned off cuz no matter how politely it's worded, it's a no no to put it on the invitations!  I personally always give cheques at weddings, easier and more useful.
BTW, my Fiance's bro got just a bit over $20k in cash/cheques in wedding gift along with toaster and such!!!  My eyes almost popped out when they counted...  I've never known anyone who ever got that much.  They have lots of family and friends and mighty generous they are...
katuska's Red wedding
katuska
 |  London, London, city of, United kingdom  |  05/23/2008  | 
Woohooo, 20 grand?? Like the sound of THAT!!
dirtymartini's Green wedding
dirtymartini
 |  Stockton, CA, USA  |  05/25/2008  | 
you cant really tell people what gift to bestow on you - it's kinda rude and tacky to assume they are bringing gifts anyway...

but, i'd rely on the lack of a registry, and word of mouth for sure!
's wedding
vixysticks
 |  Herndon, VA, USA  |  06/09/2008  | 
hmmm, i didn't see this one. my FH is dead set on the inserts though....   :/
soon2bmrsgladden's Blue wedding
soon2bmrsgladden
 |  Mableton, GA, USA  |  06/11/2008  | 
you can ask for Monetary gifts... its a nice way of asking for money
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