Marriage

Wife?

I read a lot of wedding blogs. One of my very favorites being The Practical Wedding.

Meg posted recently about reclaiming the word "wife." The term "wife" often conjures up images of someone baking muffins in an apron or taking the kids to soccer (not that either of these things are wrong). Most married blogs talk about nesting, having babies and cooking. It's like the strong independent single woman is replaced with...well..."wife" as soon as the ceremony is over. Her dreams and goals are suddenly replaced by her role as someone's wife or mother. She no longer has independent goals, the couple now has goals.

As a feminist (no, it isn't a bad word), I've always been pretty strong-willed about who I was and being defined by my roles. Yes, I might be someone's daughter, sister, or girlfriend, but I'm a heck of a lot more than that. I saw who my mother became when her life was overshadowed by my father's, than who she became when she divorced in her mid-40's and finally the person she evolved to after her children where grown up. I think that was the main reason I resolved my life not to include marriage. I didn't want to lose me. Me. A single identity with my own goals, my own dreams, my own money, my own person.

Then I met David. As our relationship developed, I realized I could be me with someone having my back. Marriage suddenly became something that I gained from instead of losing. David very much fosters my need to do my own thing and I think I do a good job of allowing him to do the same. Neither of us believes in "2 become 1" nonsense. We believe in 2. Two pillars holding up the same roof, 2 plants sharing the same pollen, 2 beings occupying the same marriage as partners should. Marriage became about completing all of my goals with someone cheering me on. A simple paradigm shift suddenly meant that I wasn't taking on this world alone.

I still have a major problem with the term "Mrs" though. I might be becoming David's wife, but I'll never be anyone's "Mrs," thank you very much.