This is lameduckblues's Blue Wedding!

Okay, if you've stuck it through parts 1 and 2, you've got a lot of endurance. This one shouldn't be as long. Once we officially left the church we drove through Sonic for some milkshakes. It was a great way to get out for a bit, and yeah it was simple and fun. :) The plan was to drive around for about 15 minutes so most people could leave, then return to say goodbye to close family and friends who knew we were coming back. When we came back, people were cleaning up and it was going well.

I realized when i was getting in the car that one of the buttons on my bustle broke off, but my mom and mother-in-law fixed it with a safety pin. Barry and i sat down to eat, and we were saying goodbye to out of town people. We had asked his parents to take his truck and our gifts to his place so that it was there when we returned from our mini-honeymoon. Well, MIL insisted that we open our gifts right there so they could see what we got... i did NOT want to. I wanted to open them in private, AND i wanted to leave for houston. We had an hour's drive and it was bad weather. First disagreement of the marriage, DH agreed that we would open the gifts there and began. humph. He took his mom's side over mine... hours after the wedding. He had no idea what he did, he just didn't think. yeah, you bet we talked about it.

By the way, the in-laws did NOT drop off his truck and the gifts at our apartment like we asked. We had just left my parents' house a few days later after packing up the rest of my room and starting the 5 hour journey to our new home, when his parents called to ask what time we'll be there so they can drop it off. We gave them a key to the apartment so they could take care of it before we got home. I wanted to arrive at the apartment, unpack my car and start moving in-- ALONE. When you've just been married, you want to build up your little nest and relax in your new home. Most people know you don't bother newlyweds for a few weeks because they're nesting and learning their new roles. Unfortunately, we really needed his truck (which is why we asked...etc.) ,and needed some of the things we got--like the kitchen things, so we were obligated to have them over and we ate dinner together. I like my in-laws, i just thought the timing was terrible and my beloved husband (a little sarcastically) should have done what i requested. It's been two months, we've just about fixed the in-law balance.

Well, he remembers that he didn't print out a map to the hotel.. so he goes to the church office to google it (luckily my dad is a pastor there and he could, but i worry what could have happened if he weren't that lucky).

We FINALLY left (i was still in my dress and had planned to stay in it until we were at the hotel), at 6pm. That's about 2 1/2 hours after we left the first time. For future brides, i don't recommend this unless you HAVE to come back. I had my bags there and we had to switch cars, but i did not think it would take that long. Honestly, it shouldn't have. Okay, we got lost. The map was wrong, and DH called his mom for directions. Then he called the hotel.... we were parked at a mcdonald's in south houston, not too bad, but not that safe either... and i was really uncomfortable by now. I was in my dress and all the stuff underneath, the bustle safety pin wasn't holding and i didn't want to rip the dress by moving too much, and i was hungry because we didn't get to eat because he said we were opening gifts!! agh! So, he called the hotel and got directions from them, drove another 15 minutes and were there. It was a really nice hotel, Hotel Derek, and i would recommend it. There were issues during the hotel stay and the weekend we were there (arrived on saturday and left monday), but that's another post for some other time.

In conclusion, i never want to do this again. I don't imagine we'll ever divorce, but if i had to get married again i would not have a wedding. Not even a vow renewal. My brother-in-law is getting married next month and i don't even want to know about their details because i'm so worn out--STILL-- from all of the planning (and other personal reasons). I feel like i had a pretty good wedding and am happy with all of the choices i made--like style, colors, flowers, location, most vendors, and especially the groom!

I hated geting advice from married people, but i mostly because their advice was disguised by warnings and demands. Like, "even though as the bride it's all about you, it's really about your guests and their experience." I think that's horrible advice, because it IS about you and your fiance, otherwise it's just a party. Understanding how i feel, i hope you take my adivce: Get a great photographer. Even if things turn out like crap, they can MAKE it look awesome. haha, that's kind of funny. But also, just enjoy that you are getting married. Take a step back, smell your bouquet and just enjoy what you worked so hard to create. Only you will know (and the other brides on WBC) how much you went through to make this happen and you should be proud of pulling it off. I'll still be on here and posting pictures soon.

Thank you all so much for your support and advice while i was planning and good luck new brides!!!

Yeah, it's easy to look at the negative things that happen and that's not what we should focus on----or at least that's what "they" say. Truthfully, no one cares before, during OR after your wedding about your wedding day. At least not the people you wish did. On the way from the church to the hotel in houston (about an hour's drive-- or it should have been, we'll get to that), I finally got to vent about the day and the night before to my husband. I was so thankful that we finally had time alone together and that he empathized with me.

I have realized that the people who were there for me before the wedding are not here now. No one wants to hear about the wedding now that it's over-- i can't talk about what happened, so it just builds up and becomes bitter. They have said, "well, at least you got married, that's what it's about". Yeah, well it is, and it's not. Yeah, I got married, BUT the flowers were 3 hours late or my friends/ BM's were being selfish. If any other event goes badly, like a birthday party or meeting you can always learn how to improve the next one and move on... "oh well, there will be other birthdays", or "there will be another meeting next month".... not this one. Unfortunately for some people they DO have another wedding, but not others.

For DH, it was just a regular ol' day, except he got to wear a nice suit and hang out with friends he hadn't seen in a while... oh and get married. I didn't expect anything more, or anything less. What a dependable guy :) hahaha i really do love him.

Okay, let's get to it:

-First, it was rainy and cold. Mid-March in Texas, and it was about 50 degrees and raining. Ugh. This didn't bother me too much, because everything was inside, but for this reason a lot of people who RSVP'd did not come or guests were leaving early.

-The flowers were 3 HOURS LATE! I was really upset by this. I walked into the building and see my mom, then she asks for the florists number so she can call to see where she is (it was 10am, she was supposed to be there by 9am). She had already been unreliable (see other posts), and i was worried about something like this... and it happened.

- For 3 of my 4 bridesmaids, their dresses didn't fit. We were at the church getting ready in a small parlor room/ bathroom when this all went down. my MOH is pregnant and we didn't know if she would gain much weight, so we were prepared for that. she was only 8 weeks at the time and hadn't gained much yet anyway. for "R", it was too small and for "J", it was too big. "J" was altered with safety pins in the back, looked good. And "R" was shoved in, looked good too. It worked out, so it wasn't a big deal, but the problem was that they made it MY problem. They came to me and said "my dress doesn't fit" and i was like "so? i can't do anything about it. Talk to someone else".

I was trying to get ready myself and no one was helping me or even noticing, but would come to me with their issues--"does this hair pin look better here or here?", "will you curl my hair??", "which shoe should i wear?". I told them, sorry i can't help, but i need to do my make up/hair/ get dressed. I still needed to decide between a pair of earrings (surprises from grandmother) and couldn't do it without seeing the whole thing, you know. It was really frustrating!! I'm still upset about it. On your wedding day, you should be first priority, and it's rude for other people to put themselves there.. on YOUR wedding day.

In this parlor room, there were me and my four bm's... THEN came a few of my friends from out of town who came in to 'hang out'. It was nice for them to come in to say hi, i spent time with them night before too, but once we take a few minutes to talk, it's time to leave and let us get back to business. I had to move to the bathroom to get ready because everyone else was fixing their whatever in the parlor where there was limited room (even the friends). I don't think they even knew they were in the wrong. Okay, here's the problem: 1-not enough room, 2-not invited, they had no real purpose there, 3-the parlor is decorated nicely so my "getting ready" pictures are not taken in front of bathroom stalls and toilet paper, but with a couch and nicely framed mirror. guess where they were taken. yeah. bitches. They were asked to leave/ make room, but not by me. I was so overwhelmed with just trying to get my dress on and not get overheated/ emotional that i just separated myself. 4- not supposed to do hair and make up at the church. in the contract, only the bride can do that there, but all others need to be done beforehand. So, the things that they were doing that wer taking up my space wasn't supposed to be done in the first place. It was inconvenient and rude. That's why you need people to support you like your BM's/MOH/mom, but when they're the ones who are the problem, what do you do?? I couldn't go get my dad or Barry who usually back me up.

My mom said she wanted to help me with my dress. When i needed her she was trying to take care of my sister/ "R" who is apparently incapable of doing her own make up/ hair. She finally came over to put it over my head, but then went back to "R". My moh tied me in, helped with the veil, etc. Disappointing.

-Along the same lines, but a separate event: The night before the wedding, after the rehearsal, the BMs,MOH, and a few friends were staying in a couple of rooms in a nearby hotel. Everyone came into my room, invited, and we were just talking/ hanging out, etc. Well, the topic of conversation started to center around marriage... but nothing positive. Two of my BM's are married and one is divorced, the other single. "S" is married and her marriage is rocky, apparently. She conquered the conversation with how difficult it is, and the specific issues that they're facing. My MOH and friend were trying to change the direction of conversation, but it didn't really work because "R", the divorcee, jumped in and talked about her ex. Super. That's what i want to hear about the night before my wedding, failing marriages. Brides want to hear about how good it's going to be or fun things about being married.. anything positive really. We stayed up later than i initially wanted. Wedding Day Morning I had to get up super early for breakfast with my dad and when i got back around 8, no one was even up. They still had to shower, do their hair and make up and leave by 10.

-Guests left the reception early. I think it was because of the weather. It was supposed to end around 5:30, but we left at 3:30 because people were leaving and wanted to still have people to blow bubbles and see us off. The reception started at about 2, and we got there at 2:40 after pictures, so we didn't get to spend much time with them. I was saddened by that. Usually people hate that they don't spend a lot of time with their husband at the wedding, but we really wanted to talk to our out of towners and friends who came from far away, but we didn't get a chance. Most of it was not spending time with each other either... it was going from task to task... cake to toasts to bouquet toss, whatever.. it was just the events that you "do" at receptions and it did not seem like anyone was really celebrating with us... just "well, this is what you do".

-My pianist/band leader. My friend from college, who is a remarkable pianist agreed to play for the reception, with my brother and brother-in-law in a jazz combo. The music was great, they all played well together and everyone liked it. Throughout the planning, i would ask him about playlists and getting together with the other guys and he told me had it taken care of and i trusted he would do me right. Well, two weeks before, he called me and revealed he hadn't gotten together with the guys or set up a playlist. I worked on a playlist and gave him contact information. He and my brother in law were stressing me out because NO ONE knew what was going on. They were both asking me about songs and whatever, even telling me that they thought it was not going to work and it would sound terrible! At this point i had way too much else to do, so i insisted that my brother and Barry work this out. Leave me out of it. Josh eventually got a list together, but never got in touch with the others. REALLY?? It's just freakin' background music!! Come on!!

Josh (pianist) called me the day before and wanted to know where he was staying the night. He had told me before that he was just going to come in on saturday, so i cancelled the extra room (same thing happened on the same day with other out of town friends, ugh). Well, i told him he had nowhere to stay. So he called my brother and they worked something out. (should have done that in the first place) They were supposed to practice that night around 9 after the reharsal and josh didn't show up until 10pm. I couldn't leave until he got there, and it was already late. We already decided he would not get paid and he wanted to do it for free, but a few weeks later my parents wante to send him something because they thought the music was good. I was pissed at them and insisted they not do so, but whatever, that was a recent argument.



With all of these things, i still feel like i had a pretty good wedding. I didn't catch on fire or anything like that, but it was a relational disappointment. From spending time with family/friends at the reception, to the selfish nature of my BM's, i don't feel like anyone cared DURING the wedding either... except for the men in my life and my MOH. Barry, my dad and my brother were genuinely happy for me/us and did their best to put me at ease. Well, once the whole wedding and reception were over, and barry and i left.... there was more....

I finally got over the wedding, (two months later), and was able to sift through the pictures and guest notes without feeling a little bitter or nauseous. It was not a bad wedding at all, there are always just little things that bother me that i had no control over. I hate to sound negative about weddings, but it can be so overwhelming and confusing. However, it's always good to be positive, so let's evaluate... in two parts. :)

Here's the good stuff:
- I got married! I love my husband and we're having a great time!
- I've moved away and can develop this new "wife" role without too much interference.
- My photographer was the most reliable hired person. Her and her team were professional and relaxed me. (of course, the pictures were good)
- The flowers looked great.
- For the room, the reception looked nice.
- My hair and make up were done well, and stayed up in the weather. (i did both myself, so i was a little worried)
- I got a mystic tan to cover my sunburn and it turned out pretty well. I blended some of the lines with make up and it covered nicely.
- Overall, i think i looked great. :) and we know that's one of the most important things... seriously.
- Generally, there were no major catastrophies; the ceremony agenda, getting there on time, people having their clothes/ accessories, reception food (tons of leftovers!), cakes, decorations.... all as planned. :)
- Rehearsal dinner was great too- the staff at El Toro's was super nice and professional.. we also got a ton of leftovers from the fajita buffet.
- My family was the most helpful in making this happen.. all of my cousins and aunts covered the "behind the scenes" of getting things cleaned up afterward and baking the groom's cake and manning the guestbook table and such.
- my MOH came in a week early and helped with a ton of things beforehand that were excellent (see other posts) and really made a difference in the way the decorations looked. But on the wedding day and the day before, she said things i was too cautious to say, like "get out" or "we don't need you". She's hilarious and a great friend, i'm SO thankful for her.
- Way out of town relatives came in that i didn't know were coming and I hadn't seen in about 10 years! I love that they came!
- and, yes, we got a lot of gifts and gift cards.

Of course, as I write, i think "[good thought], BUT this happened...". I have learned that the most important part of the wedding is the people you have there. I don't mean that in a "be close to the ones you love" way, but "keep people away if they bother you". I had a couple of people in my wedding who were cliche, nay-sayers (about marriage in general), needy or just irritating and all it did was stress me out. Some people are just inconsiderate on your wedding day and don't know when to shut up (even if you tell them to). So with that in mind, let's go on to part 2.

I did something really stupid... but got a lot of cool shells. We went to the beach yesterday to relax and have some fun. Unfortunately i got sunburned. I was really mad at meyself yesterday and was looking up tons of remedies. I was only out there for an hour and it was cold and cloudy, but i didn't realize i was getting burned. I wish i was wearing a swimsuit and not a regular shirt--it would have been more even. I have applied aloe vera continuously since i realized i got home from the beach... and i have been using the vinegar treatment too. I thought i might go out and tan in between where i burned and then make it blend better with makeup, but i don't know what i want to do yet. It's pretty devastating. I hate that no matter what else i did to make myself look nice--hair, makeup, etc.--i will still have the glaringly obvious burn/tan line that will overshadow it.

So, if anyone has any awesome cover-up ideas or get fixed quick ideas, i'm all ears!! I hate myself >:(

How exciting!! Only 3 days until we get married!!

This weekend I had a lot of stuff going on--a mini breakdown and recovery. My MOH came in from Illinois to help me out and things have been coming along really well.

We took a DIY project from the site (i don't remember which bride it was, but the post is fav'd) and we made a ton of paper flowers to put around the vases on the table. It's so modern and geometric--it looks great! We actually used patterned paper instead of solid and it looks really cute!

We also got a bunch of ribbon at hobby lobby (50% off this week!!!) and tied it around the bubbles. We made some favors too--we cut tulle and put in a couple of hershey's hugs and kisses, tied ribbon and added a tag that said "Hugs and kisses from the Mr. and Mrs.!" haha it's cheesy, but it IS a wedding. hahaha. I think the guests will like it. Earlier we decided to forego the favors because we thought it would be too expensive, but this only cost about $15... and we have about 150 guests. Sweet ratio!

We also printed out our programs for the ceremony! I can't believe that people pay other people to do this stuff. We bought cardstock and developed it on microsoft publisher... it was really easy.

I added a few pictures of our projects so you could enjoy!

We went to the church last weekend when my FH was in town to set up the stage. We were trying to figure out how it would look and what the church had that we could use. Most of the stuff is hidden and randomly placed, so we looked through all the nooks and crannies for some greenery. We found enough stuff there that i cancelled the stage decorations from the florist. That saved us about $130 dollars, woot! We had to purchase some extra flowers (fake) to dress it up more, but it's only a minimal cost by comparison.

These are the picture that i took. There are two candleabras in the baptismal in the back by the stained glass. There's only one candle in there so we could see how tall it would be, but there will be more for the wedding. (pic 2) Also, there are two spiral candleabras on the stage floor, and at each one put two columns with potted greenery on top. I used the orange silk flowers i had from my portrait bouquet to put in the potten greenery and i think it really brings more color to it! (pic 1) So, i also bought some pink and yellow flowers to put in the greenery on the baptismal ledge to make it brighter too. I'm still looking for some bright orange flowers, because i need more, but i'll search Micheal's tomorrow.

Today is the day of many posts, but there is so much going on

Once Upon a Time....
we had to plan a rehearsal dinner....
Because my future-in-laws live far away from where we're having the wedding, and my FH doesn't live here either, we said that we would coordinate the rehearsal dinner. We were having our rehearsal dinner at a restaurant about 10 miles away, called La Casona. We chose them because my FH really likes their food and they have a private room. They were going to do a fajita buffet with drinks (no alcohol) and all for about $20 per person. I kind of thought this was high, but after thinking about it, it seemed reasonable for that much food and the waitstaff anf all. Because it's still a small town area i didn't have to book them until january or something. As we've been getting back the RSVP's we have had a lot more out of town/ state people than we originally thought, so since they're family people we felt like we should invite them to the dinner. So far okay, except now we're looking at about 35 people instead of 20 if they're all a "yes". So at $20/pp for 35 people, that's too much to pay. It's just not in our budget. We decided to explore other options.

So far so good.... except that it began a few days ago and i really didn't want to change this stuff so close the wedding! I have other things to worry about! We thought about having La Casona cater to a room, but we couldn't find a room with so little time that could hold everyone. We thought about doing it at the church. I'm okay with that, but we're running out of room there! That's where the wedding and reception are going to be, and i kind of don't want to be living there all next week. I would rather get everyone out of there for one meal. So, maybe at my house? nope! Can't clean it inside and out with everything else going on.... SO we found another restaurant. It's another mexican restaurant that has a private room and they'll do the same buffet thing with drinks for about $12.50/ per person! SWEET! Saving money! (or probably breaking even with the additional people)

*****Now it get's ridiculous....
Now i had to go to the original place to get a refund on my deposit. I had to pay $200 to reserve the room. When i was reserving it originally it was pretty hectic and i didn't even get to see the room and was rushed out of there. I wasn't impressed with their service. But i went to get the refund and the manager (a different one) was refusing to give me my money back! He said that because i had reserved it they may have had to turn away other people who wanted that room so they would be losing double the business if he gave it back. Yeah, well that's the purpose of a deposit. I told him that if someone called now, he would get double the business if he kept it and that's not right. I didn't mean to argue with him, but he kept saying he won't refund it. I told him that everywhere else i put money down as a deposit i would get it back if i changed plans--unless i signed something that said otherwise or by a certain date. I NEVER signed anything with them and they certainly never told me they wouldn't refund! So i started getting really upset. That's $200 that i would be out! I can't afford to throw it away! So, i raised my voice and demanded that he give me my money back. He kept telling me i was right, they SHOULD give it back, but they won't. WTF? That's made me more upset. So i stayed there and kept demanding--people were starting to come up to pay for their meals and i was not going to leave. I could tell he was getting uncomfortable and a little put-on-the-spot in front of the other customers, so he refunded it! YAY! VICTORY! I didn't really have a back up plan, like with a gun or anything... i didn't thin they would refuse. The only thing i thought was, "If i have to call my dad down here, he's going to get it!" I know i was a real jerk, but it felt great when i left. HAHA! TAKE THAT!

So, now we have a wonderful new place for our rehearsal dinner!

THE END

So there are 8 days until the wedding (yay!), but i am getting frustrated with my florist!! I'm not seething mad, but i'm just amazed at how unprofessional they are being. Last saturday i was supposed to have my final counts and payments in, so i went down there to do that. Well, the florist wasn't there but her assistant was. The assistant isn't authorized to change anything on paper, so she took down all of my changes on post-its and attached them to the contract. Does that sound ghetto for a business or what? The florist was supposed to recalculate the bill and officially add the changes, then call me on monday. Well it's thursday now and still no call! So, i just called them to ask "what's the deal?" basically. The assistant answered (she's real sweet) and said that the florist got the changes but hadn't recalculated and would call me most likely monday with the final amount. While i was there on saturday I paid about $400--which i estimated to be just a little over what we would owe after the changes. So, really i want to know how much i'll be refunded and to be sure that it's not going to get screwed up.

A little back story--we paid her a deposit to reserve her back in july, knowing we would not have more details until december after i graduated and could start planning again. We've changed everything so many times... but anyway, we met with her in january to confirm and change stuff and they said that we never paid a deposit. OH YES WE DID! Turns out that their computer or something was down that day back in july and they just wrote the card number down and intended to put it in later that day. They found the paper amongst a pile by the computer. My mom was ticked! Her card number was just lying around the space ready for anyone to use! This is one reason i feel like i need to just stay on top of what they do-- she's just so scatter-brained. But she has good ideas and pretty reasonable prices. I just hope this turns out well. There's not much time left!

We have always thought that the bouquet and garter toss were awkward or trashy, but never really fun. We're just the introverted type i guess. I suppose it used to be fun for people, but now it just seems to get weird. Anyway, that's not the point. We're going to give the bouquet and garter to the couple who has been married the longest. I think it honors commitment and is a little more sentimental than the other way.

However, i have a problem, thus the ask-a-question. I don't know the best way to figure out who has been married the longest! I think other people who do this do a dance and start eliminating people by calling out years. But, we're not having dancing, and there's no room for it. Any good suggestions??

I had my final bridal shower yesterday at my pastor's house. It was with people from the church office and others from the church. There were only about 12 people there, but some people sent cards or gifts ahead. We got ALL of our dishes and glasses, so we can finally eat and drink (and be married haha, what a retarded joke.). We also got over $300 in gift cards! sweet! I think we have most of the kitchen stuff--just lacking the pots and pans, which i wish we woud have gotten a while back. The gift cards are all for target, but the pots, pans and bedding are at Bed Bath and Beyond.... i'm sure that's why we haven't gotten any of that stuff yet. There isn't a BB&B here in town, so it's more convenient to go to target. It's kind of irritating to not have anything for our bedroom yet, but i know we'll get gifts at the wedding and also some gift cards or money so we can get those things later. I forgot my camera was in my purse, so there aren't any pictures. :( One of the guests was snapping away, so she'll send me some later.

The secretary at the church is also the woman who is baking our wedding cake, and she made a cake for the shower too. She's genius! I knew she was good, but i didn't realize how great she really was. She decorated it similar to how she will do it for the wedding and had the same flavoring and fillings. It was awesome!

Since Barry was here this weekend, he waited until after the shower to leave so he could move some of my things up there and take the gifts. I'm glad we did, because i don't think we could have done it with both of our cars after the wedding. While he was here we also got our marriage license! YAY! Matrimony!