10/02/2009
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Telling a former maid she's not invited to the wedding

When we first got engaged, and were thrown an engagement party by my parents, I had given out "will you be my bridesmaid?" cards to my 4 girlfriends. About 4 months later, one girl who had accepted, happily might I add, decided to drop out and say she didn't think we were as close as we used to be and she didnt feel comfortable being in my wedding. Now at this point, that in and of itself has left our friendship at a stand still and we have only hung out once since then... 8 months ago. I have gotten over the loss of this friend, and see her now as someone I know, and will hang out with as an old friend every once in a while. The drop out was a cop out, as she is just not in a place to be happy for someone else who is getting married.

Anyway, I would rather not have her to the wedding. We're having a smaller wedding and there are so many other family members or friends who we would like to have, rather than this former maid. I think she still assumes she's invited to the wedding. How do I deal with this? Do I just not send an invitation and wait for her to notice? Or do I let her know I just don't feel "we're as close as we used to be" and I would not be inviting her to the wedding?

Thoughts ladies? I need your help?
futuremrsweikle's Pink wedding
 |  Newnan, GA, USA  |  10/02/2009  | 
I think you need to be honest with her, but don't sound vindictive. Just tell her your wedding is very small and you don't have room for everyone you would like to invite. It's not going to be fun, but I think it's the right thing to do since she was honest with you about dropping out of the bridal party.
fierygurl's Green wedding
 |  Halifax, NS, Canada  |  10/02/2009  | 
This is a tough one.
You could always just invite her to the dance, but not the ceremony and dinner.?
jajb2010's Black wedding
 |  Calgary, AB, Canada  |  10/02/2009  | 
I had to do that to 2 of my brides maid..well my maid of honor and then my bridesmaid..I picked both of them to be in my wedding then all of a sudden they stopped talking to eachother and I was noticing that I was always the one getting in contact with them, they never made an effort to come visit me or call or an email so I plain out told them that we were having a smaller wedding and plain out told them that they weren't really invited. In a nice way though but I'm sure deep down they knew why.

Just remember this is YOUR day if they can't make no effort then they shouldn't worry about WHY they're not in the wedding or not getting an invite. Best of luck
kristah's Green wedding
 |  Surrey, BC, Canada  |  10/02/2009  | 
Honestly, it sounds to me like she backed out because she knew she wouldn't be a great bridesmaid. I wouldn't uninvite her, maybe she did that because she wants your wedding to be how you want it.
If you uninvite her you are pretty much ending any and all friendship that is left.
lauren52210's Green wedding
 |  Hobart, IN, USA  |  10/02/2009  | 
The way I see it you can handle it in one of 3 ways...
1. You said her dropping out you thought was a cop out. If that's the case you could handle her in the same since and go with just not sending her an invitation and wait and see's if she notices.  

B. You could be the bigger person and tell her the truth. If she really does want to be your friend then she will make the effort to be a part of your life and would be happy for you getting married. If you are honest with her she should understand.  

or

3. Talk to her. You still have quiet a bit of time left before your invitations need to be sent out. Sit down and ask her what has happened with your friendship to make it become so distant. Tell her how you feel about your friendship and see if it's something you both want to work on with it. If this is the option you take give it a little time and see if things do change. Then make your mind up about inviting her or not. (If you want to give her a chance then I wouldn't tell her that you have thought about cutting her from the invite list completely though.)

I personally would choose the 3rd option unless you really don't care about the friendship or how she takes it. If that's the case then just don't send her an invite and she will figure it out.
futuredrbraun's Pink wedding
 |  State college, PA, USA  |  10/03/2009  | 
I think that I would just be honest with her. If it would be easier to tell her over the phone or email, I would do that just so that everyone is on the same page. That's too bad that she backed out like that and I totally understand why you wouldn't want to invite her.
's  wedding
PandaLou
 |  Grand rapids, MI, USA  |  01/13/2010  | 
I had the same thing happen recently and my wedding is 4 months away now. However, the person who dropped out was actually my "best friend" but she doesn't have time, she thinks I am asking too much of her, etc... when as you said it is very clear that she just can't be happy for someone else and is worried there wont be attention on her for once... I should have known when I announced my engagement that this would happen, while everyone else was busy screaming and jumping up and down with excitement she used the words "oh"....

She honesty doesn't care to be at the wedding and we haven't had contact yet, I would probably word it to her nicely if I were you... my best friends parents will still be getting a "family invite" as I do not want to be rude and have them think I am the one who wishes to end a friendship or not have them be a part of my day, if it weren't for the fact that her family rocks I'd say FORGET IT!

Goodluck!
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