01/19/2009
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Our friend is missing the wedding, how can we still include him in the celebration???

We have lost one of our groomsmen to his cousins wedding. His cousin is having a last minute wedding and picked the same date as us. Unfortunately, this groomsman is our most dearest friend, and we are very disapointed to not have him be a part of our day. We know he will have to attend his cousins wedding (in another city) but I am thinking of a way to still include him in the wedding because I know he is really torn up about the whole thing. Maybe there is something he can do in the festivities leading up to the wedding that is still meaningful? He has already been very helpful with the planning but I thought there might be something special FH and I could do with him exclusively.

Has anyone else come across close friends that can't make the wedding but that still want to be part of the celebration???? What have you done? Suggestions?
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mrsskippydo's Purple wedding
 |  San antonio, TX, USA  |  01/19/2009
Sorry, I can't be of help. I would say that you make sure that any event that he is able to attend of your pre-wedding events to make sure he knows how grateful that you are, or buy him a special gift. You might also want to list him as an honorary groomsmen in your program.
gratefulbride's Blue wedding
 |  Charlotte, NC, USA  |  01/19/2009
Can he be in charge of the bachelor party? Or, can he come to the rehearsal dinner, or possibly a jack & jill shower, and then honor him there?  You could have a special gift from you & your Fh to express your love & thanks.  Also, you could maybe buy formal shoes for him with your wedding date on the bottom and attach a card or note that explains that no one could fill his shoes & that he was missed on your special day...
mrsbaxter2be's Pink wedding
 |  Winnipeg, MB, Canada  |  01/19/2009
This situation really sucks.

My MOH was supposed to be a bridesmaid for another friends wedding the day after mine in another city. She is still doing what she can to celebrate the wedding, but has had to make the difficult decision to not attend.

If you are having a rehearsal dinner, maybe ask him to say a few words.
If he is still helping, he should still be acknowedged with a groomsman gift.
If you are having a slideshow or some kind of presentation, would he be able to help put it together?
Our photographer reccomended a small album or DVD for those who can't attend, which cronicals the day so they can get a feel of what it was like.
amanda47's Purple wedding
 |  Tainan, T'ai-wan, Taiwan  |  01/19/2009
We had friends in another country who couldn't come.  We had them read scripture in their own language and then played that during out sand ceremony instead of music.  People at our wedding couldn't understand and didn't know these people, so it kinda sound "musical" to them.  :)  Many people commented about how meaningful it was to them.  We explained who these people were and offered translations in the program.

My parents won't be at our Taiwanese wedding, so I've ask my father (a pastor) to record on video a prayer of dedication and perhaps even the same words he used to "give me away."  We could then play this during the Taiwanese ceremony.

A wedding I went to this weekend, had some videos during the reception recorded by one of the groom's best friends who couldn't make the wedding.  He did a little act/show and even sang a little song he wrote.  It was really cute and everyone laughed.  They played this while we were eating and right before all the toasts.

With technology, you can be very creative.
tiggre99's Red wedding
 |  Herndon, VA, USA  |  01/20/2009
awww that's a bummer he can't attend.  I would definitely put him as an honorary groomsman.  My MOH did this for FH's friend who was stationed overseas and coudln't attend the wedding.  I would go through the motions of him being there--inviting him to all of the pre-wedding festiviites.
sabrinav's Blue wedding
 |  Brampton, ON, Canada  |  01/20/2009
Yeah I would say, put him in the program, see if he can still come to the rehearsal/bachelor/joint shower(if you have one)....maybe give him a call in between cereemony and reception (don't surprise him with this though...you don't want his phone to ring in the middle of his cousins ceremony) but it might be nice to talk to him in between to let him know your thinking about him, and to share that happiness with him a bit over the phone.
ladybugg's Blue wedding
 |  USA  |  01/20/2009
I'm in a similar situation. My bestfriend of nearly 20 years cannot make it to my wedding because she was denied when she applied for a visa to come to the US (sniffles).
So, I've included her on each of my bridesmaid newsletters as an honorary bridesmaid, bought her a bridesmaid thank-you gift, asked my MOH (sister) to send her an invite to the shower and I think I might use gratefulbride's shoe idea. I think it's absolutely thoughtful.
manishd's Yellow wedding
 |  Coquitlam, BC, Canada  |  01/20/2009
Thank you Brides!!!  Those are all useful suggestions and I love the shoe idea from Gratefulbride and the phone call idea from Sabrinav.  All I have to do is find a size 14 dress shoe!!!  We can even ask his brothers to take them over for us to the other wedding and surprise him.  I'll keep you all posted!!
mikeandmel's Pink wedding
 |  Vancouver, BC, Canada  |  03/03/2009
I've got 4 really good friends that live out of the country and can't afford to come.  it's very sad.  i'm sending them invites anyhow and keeping them up to date.  i'll send them pics by email but i don't know what else to do!
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