Jan 22, 2009

Last week my FMIL put a deposit down on our reception site to make sure we got the date we wanted. Everything else can wait because we wanted, or at least I thought we wanted this place on this particular date. This site has been the one thing that has stayed the same throughout the entire wedding planning process. Right now I find out she’s STILL looking at reception sites, and even requesting information on them. I don’t understand why she’s doing that. And, she and my fiancé are discussing these places as possibilities THEN talking to me about it. My fiancé was telling me that it’s cheaper and that he likes the payment plan. Ok that’s all fine but the problem with that is the price to rent the place including food is “only” $1,500 which comes out to less than $7 a person, or so I was told. That price would be great, but not possible. The website says differently so obviously I was told something wrong. AND, one of the things I really liked about our original location is we can bring in our own food which is what I was looking for because we wanted Hawaiian food. Our original location is beautiful, outdoors (which is what I wanted, I can’t say we anymore), wouldn’t need that many decorations, and is already booked but apparently she can get the money back. This new place is nothing special; it would be a last resort if anything. it’s indoors, and very dull which obviously would require more decorations than the original place.

I know I tend to over react with certain situations and I’ll probably feel like an idiot later but this is really bothering me, plus I have severe panic and anxiety, so I feel like a total bridezilla right now because I really freaked out over this. I actually feel sick right now. I hate getting so worked up over something like this, meaning not life and death.

I'm so happy that my FMIL is excited about this wedding and wanted to be included in the planning and is helping to pay for it, but this isn't the first time she's gotten too involved, which is probably part of the reason I'm getting so worked up over it. She actually used to schedule times to get together to plan and everything but I'd be the last person to know, or not even be told!. My future sister-in-law and fiancé have even told her she needs to back off, but here it is happening again. This is even causing me to have a panic attack, for those of you who gets those you understand....
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generalized-anxiety-disorder (which is what I have)
gerlinki's Green wedding
Calgary, AB, Canada
I had a problem like this with my FMIL as well...everything she said about every decision I made as far as the wedding planning went was something not-so-nice. I finally had enough and basically told her that I really appreciated her willingness to be involved, and that I really wanted her to be an important part of the planning, but that her constantly "getting in the way" was getting to be too much.
She cried and was pretty upset at first, but by the end of our talk, she seemed to understand what I was saying. Things are a lot better now because of it too!
Maybe that's all you need to do...have a friendly little talk with FMIL and see if she can understand things from your point of view! Remember this is your wedding, not hers!!!!
's  wedding
Toronto, ON, Canada
I understand completely. Ur vision is being completely changed to something inferior. No wonder u've got anxiety!!! I'd firmly put ur foot down and keep the orig locatio if that's the one u love.
joyfulsong's Red wedding
Saint john's, NL, Canada
Oh no.  panic attacks are nasty.  They're not pleasant at all.  I hope you feel better!!

You'll have to tell her, and FH, that you have your heart set on the original location.  What does FH want?  Does he like the new location possiblilty better?  If so, you'll have to find a compromise between the two of you.  

irishpocahontas's Purple wedding
Cork, Cork, Ireland
I understand what you mean about feeling sick to your stomach and as a worrier myself I completely understand your anxiety.

You need to talk to FH - first of all its your wedding not your MIL's you appreciate all her help, but sometimes peoples help can have its downside, like this now, her wanting things her way. Ehhhhh its your wedding why arent you being consulted about all of these decisions. This is def something you need to talk to Fh about and you need to make it really clear that it is upsetting you to the point that you feel sick. You are being completely cut off and even you FSIL has vouched for her over stepping the mark too. Otherwise if she wont listen to them then hun it may be time for you to talk to her. Explain that you are very upset about being excluded your opinions not being considered when its your wedding day that you appreciate all her help but you need to have more of an input than she does being honest.

Good luck.
mekana's Blue wedding
San gabriel, CA, USA
He didn't say he liked it better, all he said was "its nice." He likes it because its supposedly cheaper. Even if it is cheaper its only by a little. And the fact that its not even half as nice as our original place, has nothing that I was looking for, a price difference isn't worth it. At least not to me anyways. I even had my mom look at it to see if I was over reacting and she made a face and shook her head. I don't know why you would make a deposit on something like that but keep looking. It makes no sense to me.

And about me having my heart set on this place is another thing. I told that to my FH and he said "you had your heart set on a lot of things" regarding the wedding. Yes that's true, but I've had to change just about all of them. I don't think I should have to compromise anymore after all I've given up. And it's not like I'm asking for or wanting anything ridiculous or expensive.  His main focus I think was "its cheaper". I will definitely be talking to him.

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