06/22/2012
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Footing the bill

For a brief back-story, I have never been a true daddy's girl. Don't get me wrong, I love my dad! But he kind of seemed to opt out on the whole 'raising me' thing. I don't even recall any actual conversations one on one with him until he and my mom divorced, and he remarried.
Then of a sudden he was my best friend. I'm not complaining, I just know my life would have been alot different (better?) if he took the time to get involved before I was 20. Just saying.

Now here's the ISH:
I'm a young mother, so I feel like I am constantly under the spotlight in my family. Everyone is in my business, and when I got engaged, that was no exception, They wanted to know everything about my FH that they could know. And his background isn't spotless.
But as I always say, Every saint has a past, every sinner has a future.
So I don't know if my father even approves of me marrying him! He keeps buying me books titled things like "20 things women do to screw up their life" etc.

Traditionally the bride's father foots the bill (which I would NEVER want him to do), but he hasn't even offered to contribute.


Is there a polite way to bring it up? Since we're paying for it ourselves, its considerably stressful and we'd really love some help! And lately with everything going on, we're struggling!

How do I ask him without putting pressure on him to help?

Thanks so much girls,
Micayla
dad
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flrjohnson's Red wedding
flrjohnson
 |  Atlanta, GA, USA  |  06/24/2012  | 
Micayla, I'm going to be honest with you. I'm in the SAME situation you're in. My father has been a bit unavailable in my life and I am in no way what they call a "daddy's girl". There is honestly, no simple way to even bring up the issue of asking for help with paying for the wedding. You have to just ask. If he doesn't offer and you really want that help you've got to just bite the bullet.

You know your father enough to know how to approach him. You don't have to be long winded about it. I just kept it simple with my father. I said, "Hey dad, you know I'm paying for this wedding all by myself. And it's kind of a challenge with everything. Do you think you can help out?" The worst he can say is no. And if he says yes, then you've got some help. Leave it open. Let him ask you what he can help out with, or let him offer whatever amount he can contribute unless he asks you how much. Then be prepared to give a round figure for a specific thing. Like helping pay for catering, DJ, cake, etc. It's good when you're sure of what you need because then there's no hesitation. You'll feel more confident when asking.

It's hard. Trust me. I know. But if you need the help and you feel like your father is approachable, it may be worth to at least ask.

Good luck to you.
micaylax0922's Purple wedding
micaylax0922
 |  North haven, CT, USA  |  06/30/2012  | 
Thanks Lady!!! I gotta just think about what to say, and do it.

My mother was like "well nowadays, fathers really dont help like they used to, so dont expect your father to help!"

But we'll see! And I'll keep you posted!
flrjohnson's Red wedding
flrjohnson
 |  Atlanta, GA, USA  |  06/30/2012  | 
Unfortunately, what your mother says is true, but you'll never know until you give it a try. Be sure you say a little prayer first for some peace of  mind and for the best thing to work out. All will be well. Stay strong, girlie.
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