This is missmogwai's Blue Wedding!

Okay. I am turning to the hive because FI is tired of hearing it and I can't burden anyone else with this. We made the grave mistake of choosing our (outrageously large) wedding party exactly 2 days into our 27-month engagement. We selected 18 of our closest friends and family to stand with us on our wedding day. Oh, hindsight is always 20/20, isn't it?

The problems began shortly before our engagement party in June 2011. We hosted a small party for our wedding party and parents.  We gave plenty of notice so that everyone would be able to attend.  We asked our guests to wear semi formal attire (cocktail length dresses for the ladies, nice shirt and slacks for the guys).  We got great responses to the dress code from our guests... After all, how often do you get an excuse to look fabulous?

I had confirmed RSVPs with all of my attendants 2 weeks before the party... Well, all except for one.  Let's call her BM Ladybug.  I called, texted, Facebook messaged... Basically everything except sending smoke signals or scrawling it in chalk on her driveway.  A week before the party, I finally tracked her down and confirmed that yes, she was in fact planning on showing up. Her excuse for going MIA? She said she was just busy. I believed it and we moved on.

Fast forward to the afternoon before the party. Another bridesmaid, whom we'll call BM Cobra, left me a post on my FB wall.  To my dismay, it read, "Sorry, but I have too much homework. I don't think I'll be able to make it." I sent her a text. I told her that I was disappointed that she wouldn't be joining us, and hoped that she would be able to finish her work in time.  I was secretly crushed (Two months of notice and you couldn't start your paper early enough? Really!?), but I understand that things come up.

A few minutes later, she told me that she would be making it after all.  Then my phone buzzed again. The text message from Cobra read, "By the way, I won't be going home from school before the party, so I don't have a dress to wear. Is it cool if I wear jeans?" I got a little suspicious at this point. She'd been home from school six or seven times since she found out about the party (including the weekend before), and she hadn't bothered to grab a dress? Luckily, we wear the same size, so I offered to bring several extra options for her to try on. She told me that she would see me the following afternoon.

Two hours before the party started, she texted me again. "I just put the address in my GPS. I don't think I'm going to be able to make it." At this point, I kinda lost it. But let's be real here- she was never planning on showing up.  Which would have been fine, if she had been honest about it. I told her how disappointed I was. I reminded her that part of being a bridesmaid is being someone I can rely on, not adding to my already high stress level.  She told me my expectations were unreasonable because my wedding was still two years away.

I never yelled at her. I never called her names, or told her she wasn't in the wedding. I just expressed my feelings of disappointment.

We had a great night, regardless of the drama.   Some of our guests had other commitments (child's birthday, another wedding, lost babysitter...all reasonable), but we didn't mind. BM Ladybug was there, although she mostly sat with one other BM and ignored everyone else. It didn't matter.  It was our night. It was perfect.

The following Monday, I noticed that BM Cobra was no longer my friend on Facebook.  Sometimes it happens accidentally (don't ask me how) so I shot her a text asking her about it.  She named several reasons (namely because of an ex-friend of mine) that had nothing to do with me, and told me that I was a Bridezilla and we were no longer friends.  She deleted her Facebook and I have not heard from her since.
I quickly replaced her in the wedding party with my new step-sister, who is wonderful and means the world to me.  All was well in bridesmaid land until....

I found out the BM Ladybug has been texting one of the groomsmen for several months with all sorts of nasty comments about me, my FI, and the wedding. Apparently, she has never liked Mr. Mogwai or approved of our relationship (news to me!). She doesn't think I should be getting married. She also thinks that asking one of my closest guy friends to stand with me on my wedding day "cheapens the experience for my real friends." 

Here's the funny part. BM Ladybug has met Mr. Mogwai maybe 6 times in the 3 years we've been dating.  4 of them were in the first 6 months we were dating. She made her decision about him a long time ago.  We have grown so much, both individually and as a couple, since then.

I know that she is just misinformed and her opinion doesn't really matter, but I'm still upset.  It really bothers me that she had to share these "concerns" with one of Mr. Mogwai and I's best friends rather than saying it to my face.  She has been MIA for the better part of 3 years and it makes perfect sense now.  I'm worried that she won't be able to set these feelings aside, and having her stand by me on my big day will be a huge mistake.  I refuse to make any rash decisions, and I really want to talk with her about it.

That's where all of you come in.  First, thank you for reading this ridiculously long novel.  I thought the bridesmaid drama would be over after BM Cobra split.  Apparently, I was wrong.

How should I handle this?  How should I broach the subject when I talk to her? (This one is really stumping me!!)  Would you want someone who you knew didn't support your marriage standing by your side on the big day?  Thanks for your honest feedback in advance!

Okay. Anybody who knows Chris and I is well aware of the fact that music is a HUGE part of our lives and relationship. Chris has been playing shows in the southern California punk scene for over 15 years now. We even have a whole band (a singer, 2 guitar players, a bass player, and a drummer) in our wedding party! Needless to say, the music at our wedding is something we have put tons of thought into from day one.

Chris happened to stumble across our song, Forever and a Day (which happens to be by a band we are acquainted with), while he was flipping through our iPod on shuffle one evening. The first time I heard it, I looked at him and said, "This should be the song we dance to for the first time as a married couple." He instantly agreed, and that was that.

Fast forward to a few nights ago, and we found ourselves on the Sunset Strip at Viper room for a Death by Stereo show. The boys brought the house down with yet another out of this world set. After the show, the band members headed to the bar (where we bought Efrem, DBS's singer a shot of Jager). Before we left, Chris was catching up with him, and happened to mention that Forever and a Day was going to be our first dance and to expect an invitation for our wedding. To my complete and utter surprise, their singer offered to perform the song LIVE for our first dance on our wedding day!! I am so incredibly honored and STOKED!!!

Here is our song, Forever and a Day. I really hope you will take a few moments and listen to it! I love this arrangement so much. Its just incredibly powerful and gives me goosebumps. The lyrics describe us almost perfectly. I couldn't have asked for a more suitable song to kick off our marriage.
YouTube

Did you ever wonder, will I make it through this night?
Did you ever wonder, will I live for sacrifice?
Have you ever wondered, will I ever see the light?
Have you ever wondered, can I live another life?
Can I live another life?

I can't take away this fever, I can't take away the pain,
But I will fight with you forever, forever and a day
I can't face this world on my own, I keep on searching for your face,
I promise that we'll live forever, forever and a day

And in your darkest hour, you bleed without a knife,
Your searching losing power, your whole life has been a fight,
You keep on giving selflessly, the world keeps on taking selfishly,
You keep it bottled up inside, feel the sting, lets take another ride

I can't take away this fever, I can't take away the pain,
But I will fight with you forever, forever and a day
I can't face this world on my own, I keep on searching for your face,
I promise that we'll live forever, forever and a day

And in your darkest hour, you bleed without a knife,
Your searching losing power, your whole life has been a fight,
As you walk out from the shadows, and the darkness fades away
And you step into tomorrow

I can't take away this fever, I can't take away the pain,
But I will fight with you forever, forever and a day
I can't face this world on my own, I keep on searching for your face,
I promise that we'll live forever, forever and a day
Forever and a day, forever and a day, forever and a day,
Forever and a day

What do you think of the song we chose? Any other punk rock kids using non-traditional music for big wedding moments?

My first official wedding-related purchase was the Pazzles Inspiration creative cutter. Basically, its a Cricut, only WAY more awesome! Rather than using cartridges to tell the machine what to cut, this bad boy hooks up to the computer and an Illustrator-type program that allows you to cut pretty much any shape you can think of. It is RAD.

With a guest list of 25 for our engagement party, I figured it would be the perfect opportunity to do a test run before I start on our invitation suite. At this point, we had planned on a red-black-gold color scheme for our wedding (which we have since changed our minds on... but that is another post!). I cut all the individual pieces on my machine over the course of a few weeks, and with the help of BM LoLove one gloomy April evening, we threw them all together over a few glasses of wine and a marathon of Say Yes to the Dress.

I also made the envelopes. I had a drab brown paper laying around, but I really wanted something special. ENTER: GLIMMERMIST! If you haven't experienced this heavenly stuff, I highly suggest you head straight to your local scrapbooking store and pick some up. When my guests retrieved the invitations from their mailbox, the sun made these brown envelopes sparkle like diamonds. It was a huge hit. Just be careful, because if you use too much, the paper gets too damp and warps. I got around this by combining Glimmermist with a brown chalkboard spray, and the paper firmed up nicely.

I cut the paper down to size before spraying it, then I used the embossing head on my Inspiration to deboss a monogram into the back flap. I used a patterned card stock to make envelope liners (NOTE: use lightweight paper. The card stock I used was too thick and made it difficult to seal the envelopes.) I held everything together with a doublestick tape runner.

NOTE TO DIYers: Don't make the same mistake I did. I didn't do my homework before deciding on the size of my invitations or envelopes. Once I was already done, I learned that square envelopes cost more than regular ones to mail. Also, upon presenting my invitations to the man behind the postal counter, he informed me that the envelopes were 1/8-inch TOO TALL to be mailed as regular letters. That meant it cost more than $1 PER ENVELOPE to mail. For 25 invites, that isn't a HUGE deal... Imagine if I was mailing our 150 wedding invitations... the HORROR! Advice: Buy your envelopes, then size your DIY invitations to fit inside them. Usually you need to make the invitations 1/8 inch smaller than the envelope.

Did anyone else have a DIY oops like I did? Any postage horror stories?

Once we had made a few of the big decisions about our wedding, we selected our wedding party. Since we have a GINORMOUS wedding party from different parts of our lives, we wanted to have an engagement party so everyone could meet before the real wedding planning got under way. We decided to have it at FSIL/Best Man Karie's house, and what a wonderful party it was!
We kept the guest list short, only including our wedding party and our parents. I figured this would give us the best shot of letting our friends get to know each other. We were right! Our fun cocktail party was a blast, and with help from Chris's AMAZING sister Karie (who is also the Best Man, in case you were wondering!), our night was magical and perfect. It might have helped that Karie happens to be a professional caterer.
Of course, once the night progressed and our parents decided to head home, the REAL celebration began. Yes, we were dressed up... but that didn't stop us from getting a little crazy. (Mental picture: Chris and I each drinking out of a wine bottle while overindulgent friend BM Caveman gets painted by GM Theo). Yes, our engagement party started as a classy evening soiree, and ended up a total rager. I was a little upset with Bridesman John (aka Caveman) for letting himself get so out of hand, but now when I think back on it, I wouldn't have it any other way. The memories of the end of our night are irreplaceable and really represent where we are in our lives right now. We're making the steps toward starting our "grown up" lives together, but until then, I'll take any chance to celebrate our last few opportunities to be young and a little reckless!

Chris and I announced our engagement (via Facebook!) around 11pm on March 29, 2011. Early the next morning, I drove to my dad's office to tell him the news in person, before he had a chance to check his facebook. I told my mom when she woke up a few hours later. Chris called his dad that afternoon. Then it was for real. We were going to get married.
Shortly after Chris and I announced our engagement, we decided a couple of major things.
First: since theoretically, we're only going to get married once, we wanted to do things right and go all out. Unfortunately that costs money, which we are low on at the moment. In order to give ourselves time to save, we have decided on a 27-month engagement (March 2011-June 2013).
Second: neither of us are particularly close with our families (with few exceptions of course). Our friends are the people we want to share our day with. We have decided to have a very large wedding party, so that friends from different parts of our lives can be with us on our day. Large meaning 9 attendants each. Aka humongously insanely wtf was I thinking large. More on that later.
Third: we both knew that we wanted to get married in Chris's hometown, San Diego. It's our favorite place to travel, and many of our friends live there, as do some of Chris's family. With the exception of a few OOT guests who would have to fly in no matter where in Southern California we had the wedding, San Diego is within reasonable driving range for our friends in other counties. It was an easy sell, and we're happy with our decision.
What were the first things you and your FI decided on when it came to planning? Who did you tell first after you became engaged?

Okay, so I might have a tendency to be a little impatient sometimes. While I can contain my excitement for long periods of time when necessary, there are certainly times where I decide that I want something and do what is necessary to get it.
Let me preface this with the fact that shortly after our first anniversary, I was certain that he was indeed the man I wanted to marry. I didn't say anything to him for more than a year. About a year later, my mother's boyfriend proposed and we were thrown into the plans of her wedding. Somehow, we stumbled upon the topic of the ring my father had given her so many years earlier, and how she wanted me to have it. A few weeks later, she gave it to Chris and I.
At this point, we had been talking about marriage for awhile and knew it was something we both wanted, but weren't sure if the time was right. When I slipped the ring on my finger, it fit perfectly. I couldn't stop smiling. I looked at him and admitted that I didn't want to take it off. When he admitted that he didn't want me to either, we decided that we would announce our engagement and start planning our wedding.
So while I may have jumped the gun on this one, and I might wish I had been more patient so he could have come up with a surprise proposal, the end result was what we both want so badly: to spend the rest of our lives together. I can't help but wonder what he would have come up with on his own though...
Am I the only one who assumed the close on their engagement?