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02/06/2009

smiley face

Just wanted to again thank you ladies who responded to me with such positive messages of encouragement after my break up with my former fiance'. It was really, REALLY tough, but thanks to you guys, my family and friends lifting me up and listening to me when I needed, and lots of prayer between me and God I made it. I'm good! There were a lot of days and nights that I cried and felt SO bad, but they were cleansing tears - I just had to get it all out of my system.

I'm in school full-time to finish my degree, I still have my job and my co-workers and management team were super understanding in giving me my space at work to get over my personal issues, I'm engaging in my personal hobbies and exploring things that I've been interesting in. I finally went out and got a drink and had laughs with my girlfriends that I haven't seen in a while. I'm loving life again. AND I have renewed faith that my 'one' will come one day and I'll have the beautiful, romantic wedding that I want and the beautiful relationship that I want.

God bless you all, congratulations on your marriages.

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01/09/2009

crying

With a very broken heart I announce. . .

. . . it is over.

I don't know where to begin.

I love this man with all of my heart. I longed for the day to come when we would be officially one, and now it breaks my heart to think it won't happen. I know he loves me too but there's more to a marriage and having a life with someone than just love; there needs to security in knowing the other won't stray, lie, cheat, steal, and there needs to be mutual respect shown even in front of other people so they will respect also, AND there needs to be peace knowing that the other person won't just go through motions on everyday life but will always consider and consult their mate FIRST. For the last week I have had the most insecure, unsure, and unsettled feeling about us getting married later this month and couldn't figure out where it came from. I even thought it could have been jitters because the day is finally within reach, but marriage is something to be taken VERY seriously - I'm not comfortable with signs that show me that soon I will be separated and eventually divorced.

I didn't want to break up from him, just postpone the wedding a little longer until we figure some things out personally and as a couple, but that's not what he wanted. I can't go into this marriage knowing deep down in my women's intuition that something is amiss and only hope everything will work out fine. I'm sorry to have hurt him. I'm sorry to hurt myself, but I now have peace.

I appreciate all the support from you ladies here on the site, it's been fun. God bless each one of you in your marriages.

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01/04/2009

Ask a Question

I think I may be going a little crazy. . .

Ok. So I'm 26 days away from my wedding day to my love . . . and I drop something on him: I'm not ready to be a step-mother. He has 3 children from his past life, one of which lives w/ him, and I thought I'd be ok with the kids; however, I discover I'm not. I've thought this for about 2 months now and I feel awful because I should not have accepted his proposal. I'm 28 years old, never been married, no children, nothing to take care of but myself going to 28 years old, married, 3 step children, and a dog. I don't think I'm able to do it! I've been responsible for myself and looked after the family occasionally, did what I wanted, went where I wanted, spent what I wanted on ME and whoever else I wanted and am not sure how to make this transition and be fine with it. I told him about the way I was feeling and of course he was hurt, but he understood and would give me time.

I think part of all of this, too, is the fact that I feel he has forgotten about me over the course of time. The kids take a lot, his brothers take a lot, his friends take a lot and he doesn't consider me first like he used to when we were just dating. . . we're going to counseling this weekend.

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11/12/2008

pullinghairout

Wedding Reception

OH, NOOOOOO!!!!!!!

So I'm freaking out now because I called my caterer to set up a meeting with her this weekend to go over some changes and finalize the menu. . . and she tells me she has another wedding booked on the day of my wedding!!! She said she had us on her calendar for 1/17 and not 1/31. UGH!!!! She said that she would ask the other bride to push her wedding/reception start-time back so she could still do ours to which I told her not to do; each bride needs her vendors to be all about her on her wedding day without rush and fears of being late/not showing up because of double booking. Now I'm frantically searching for a new caterer to fill her spot before my head explodes!

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10/24/2008

In the middle of all the chaos...

...he goes and buys a puppy!!!

It was a sweet gesture, really it was. I fell in love with a pappy-poo just a few days ago and thought I would cry because I couldn't have it, but because I'm a responsible adult I weighed everything out and knew it was not the best thing right now. Not my fiancee'. He surprised me with a 2 month old snoopy chihuahua today and I'm so disappointed. I didn't mean to make him feel bad, but I work full-time, go to school full-time, am planning a wedding, AND we will be moving in a month. . .when will I have time to train, clean up after, play with, walk, and bathe a puppy?????? We have other wedding things to pay for still, not to mention moving expenses. AND gaining a husband is a new responsibility in itself, STILL not to mention the step-children that I will be gaining. I don't mean to be selfish, but I can only handle so much at a time!!!!! Does ANYBODY understand what I'm saying??

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08/02/2008

reception5

Ok, ok, so I've had some stuff change. . . again.

New date, new ceremony/reception location.

As previously stated, my honey is an extremely patient and giving man. . . and I'm an extreme thinker and in-decisive which is why our wedding date and venue has changed yet again.

Of course, me being a bride, this works out wonderfully because I have more time to look in to some other things. One plus so far: all the ladies I initially wanted to be part of the wedding party can now do so because there are no scheduled conflicts AND everybody will have their $ for their gowns AND they brought the gowns back I wanted for them in the first place. See, just falling into place. :)

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05/25/2008

ecstasy_flash

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cutesarong

cutestswimsuit

Honeymoon

He . . ahem, we finally booked it!!!

With only 5 months until our ceremony we finally booked our spot on a cruise on the ship Ecstasy!! We both love to travel and have seen a few places but have never been on a cruise. So here we go. . . down through the Western Caribbean. 5 days of him, me, shopping, touring, clubbing, lounging, dining, and relaxing.

I'm so excited and can't wait to go. YAAAAAY!!!!!

I've also picked out some cute beachwear, saw it Oprah's show but you can find it at: http://www.oprah.com/slideshow/oprahshow/20080516_tows_heidiklum

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05/15/2008