04/21/2010
Fighting Bride
Fighting Bride
Jenn and Me Highschool
Fighting BrideJenn and Me Highschool
   

Bridesmaids
My MOH has dropped out...

I am so upset. Saturday was my bridal shower and on Tuesday my best friend and MOH messaged me and said she felt she was ignored at the party. I have no idea where this coming from because I tried my best to spend equal time with all my guests and make everyone feel comfortable.

Right now, my MOH is unemployed and has not been able to help financially with anything for the bridal shower, which I completely understand. But besides that she has been extremely uncooperative when it comes to helping plan anything for the wedding itself. Anytime I tried to get together with her it took forever for her to settle on a single excuse on why she couldn't come out. I actually got her to meet with us on one occasion but then heard very little from her after that.

She hasn't met with us since then to help plan anything. She didn't even help my mom and bridesmaid help plan for the bridal shower.

At the bridal shower my mom mentioned a bachelorette party to my MOH and she has flipped out about it... saying she has no money to throw a party (when at the same time she's able to take road trips, buy expensive clothing and go to the movies on her unemployment check).

At the end of the message to me she told me thought it was best that I replace her in the wedding.

And all this with only 44 days left till the ceremony!!!!!

This girl was supposed to be my best friend. We've known each other since 7th grade and we're practically sisters during highschool (we lived two doors down from each other). I am so hurt, I just don't know what to do.

The other thing I'm upset about is that another friend of hers, who I also knew from high school, is getting married the weekend before me. She stills lives around the corner from my EX-MOH. My so-called best friend has been so involved in her wedding and has been posting all kinds of comments about it on her facebook. Yesterday she even went to her page and posted about how much she appreciated having her as a friend.

I feel so slighted and abused. What happened to our friendship? Am I being a bridezilla about this? I'm not sure how to feel about the situation or what to really say to her. Do I just tell her it's ok? I feel like telling her not to talk to me ever again (though I know that's extreme), but I just don't want to have to keep dealing with her when all she does is hurt me. :(
maid of honor, moh, bridesmaid, upset, friendship
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princessfortheday's Purple wedding
princessfortheday
 |  Toronto, ON, Canada  |  04/21/2010  | 
That must be so hard.  Do you really want all of her negativity to be standing next to you on your special day?
purplenat1's Purple wedding
purplenat1
 |  West lafayette, IN, USA  |  04/21/2010  | 
That sucks. :-( But I've got to say that the people I was friends with in high school are not the people I'm friends with now. Time moves on, and people change. Although you were close back when, you've grown apart, and she's grown closer with her other friend. She's still your friend, but she's just not the one you can depend on anymore. It happens, and it sucks, but don't feel bad in any way. Keep her as a friend, but just as a friend, not a close or best friend.
As for your bridal party, there's no need to replace her. If you have one more GM than BM, no one will care. :-) Hope things work out.
hamptonsbabe's Orange wedding
hamptonsbabe
 |  Randolph, NJ, USA  |  04/21/2010  | 
I feel for you. I dont understand how it is that the people we love let us down when it matters most like this. But it seems to be common...much to our dismay :-(

You may need some time to digest this and just pull back a bit. I  feel hurt sometimes also because of my BM's lack of participation in areas like bridal shower and bachelorette- not much enthusiasm.

But the only thing that comforts is the future hubby and knowing that he is there.  Relish in those who do help and care. Let the baggage go. You may be happier in the long run.  We are going through lots of change and I can say for sure that sometimes we even outgrow friendships.

Regardless, wishing you positive people to share your day with!
honeybee's Purple wedding
honeybee
 |  Brandon, MS, USA  |  04/21/2010  | 
I am sorry your MOH bailed on you. Some people are just extra needy. Maybe she is one of them. But she has to realize that this wedding has nothing to do with her. It's about you. And if she's going to cause you stress. Then, maybe you should replace her. If I were you, I would leave her the option to participate in the wedding. If she doesn't let you know by a certain time. Then, appoint another bridesmaid as MOH and keep it moving. You have enough to deal with! I hope it all works out for the better.
sclarke85's Blue wedding
sclarke85
 |  Lévis, QC, Canada  |  04/21/2010  | 
I know exactly what your going through I had a very similar situation with 2 of my bridesmaids that I have grown up with!

One of them has decided to bail and the other (which WAS my MOH) is still in the wedding party, but lets just say she hasnt been that co-operative .......

But I can tell you one thing!.... dont let this get to you, let her know that what she is doing is wrong and you dont take it lightly!
She shouldnt be doing something like this to you right before your wedding!.... I can say from experience that when you put your foot down and you let people know how you really feel instead of letting it go!.... People listen!

and your not being a bridezilla!... I think this person who was your MOH has some other underlying issues with you(i.e. jealous)...... that obviously she was too scared to tell you about, so she found any excuse to bail on you that she could find.... Some People are nasty and unfortunately we dont always know who those people are until we need them the most!

I feel for you and I wish you all the best!....... and dont let it get you down.. Karma is  b**** and what goes around comes around!
's wedding
Nidhal
 |  Los angeles, CA, USA  |  04/21/2010  | 
Hoenstly, sounds like she is being a bit jealous; especially by throwing jabs at you with her FB messages and posts. I would sit her down and ask her what's really up? This is the only way to get to the bottom of the root issue.
mazzy0774's Green wedding
mazzy0774
 |  Spring, TX, USA  |  04/22/2010  | 
I feel your pain, girl. I recently had to switch my real sister from MOH and make one of my BFF's MOH because my sister did NOTHING for almost a year and then she had the nerve to gripe about being switched!  She is even planning on leaving the state from June-November and still wanted to be MOH after telling me initially she couldn't do it anymore since she was leaving.  It's just an odd situation. People don't realize how impt it is and that it's an honor to be asked and they need to just do the right thing if they except!

Just remember she did you a favor by telling you and being honest with you before the you-know-what hit the fan if she ruined your big day.  My other bff didn't even want to be in my wedding cause she said she's too fat.  As of yesterday we aren't even friends anymore due to other drama and we've been friends since 8th grade - for 20 years!  So, I'm not even inviting her.  

I wish you the best.  Remember it all happens fro a reason.  Weddings bring out the truth in people. This way you will know who cares and who doesn't and who to continue to keep in your new life. :)

*hugs*
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