02/06/2011
bridezillabridezilla
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How to demote MOH..HELP!

With 2 months left for my wedding, my MOH and BM's haven't purchased their dresses or helped with any planning (well, they helped with tieing the ribbon on the bubbles!!!).

Last night my honey and I, went to dinner with my cousin and his wife. They started asking about the wedding and well, we told them how far we've gotten and my cousin offered his help and so did his wife. They started giving us ideas and were really doing what our bridal party should be helping with.

After dinner, my cousin asked if they could come over our place to plan the wedding as far as what else we needed planned and getting things organized and set. Well, while at our place, they really surprised us as far as they were really willing to help. We were both like, "OMG!! This is what we needed since my MOH and BM's arent helping me with pretty much ANYTHING!!"

We litterally had to just stop cause it was already 3AM. My honey and I, after alot of thought, asked them to be his Bestman and my MOH. They accepted.

He has his younger brother as his bestman but seriously shows no interest as far as he doesnt know what to do. Even my mother in law asked us to reconsider asking someone else... So, we are going to make him a groomsman and my MOH, my Matron of Honor.

My question is: How do we tell our MOH and Bestman that they have been replaced?

I love my MOH, she's my cousin, soo much. We grew up together. Our moms are twins and we were born a week apart, we are practically like sisters. Although we weren't that close lately, we still stayed in contact and were still pretty close. I just don't want to make her feel bad or mad. The reason she hasn't been stepping up to her title as a MOH is cause she has work, school, church and is in the process of recording a CD, and I totally understand. But, c'mon my wedding is 2 months away and we haven't gotten ANYTHING done.

Please help! I am a really sweet and nice person but after reading a few posts by other brides having BM problems, I sw some comments stating that it's our wedding and if the need to replace approaches, we have to make a decision.... and we did!

But how do we tell them?!

BTW: My BM's are my sisters, all under 21, not married, neve been in a wedding, work and go to school.
moh, maid of honor, bridesmaid, bridesmaids, help, planning, replace moh
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loislovesclark's Purple wedding
loislovesclark
 |  Philadelphia, PA, USA  |  02/06/2011
Too bad you can't make it a competition from the start. "You all get to be my bridesmaids. Whoever does the best job will earn the honor of being my Maid of Honor!" I should have done that!
tfdbride2011's Red wedding
tfdbride2011
 |  Collinsville, OK, USA  |  02/06/2011
Well I have already faced this so I can tell you what I learned..

I really wanted my cousin to be a BM and I asked her immediately, it became very apparent after the first couple of bridal party meetings within the first month that she was uninterested and to involved in her "college experience."  I decided to put it back on her.  I told her that she seemed very busy and that I felt like I was a burden.  I told her that I had a co-worker who was a close friend that had a lot of extra time right now due to her boyfriend being out of town for work the next 8 months.  It went well and now she's my guestbook attendant!
lina15's Pink wedding
lina15
 |  Brooklyn, NY, USA  |  02/06/2011
I would be honest, express how you're feeling and also tell her you understand because she has so much on her plate and you don't want to add another thing to it.  I had to do that with my MOH, i felt she wasn't helping at all and showed absolutely no interest and i told her. You're showing no interest, you're not helping with anything, whatever you know is because i've volunteered the information and at first she was shocked and she had to pray about it because she didn't see where i got all of this. After a few days she came back and said she realized i was right, she was going through some personal problems and completely neglected her responsibility with me. I told her i understood if she couldn't do it but that she needed to tell me so i could find someone else but she insisted that she would love to do it and to give her a second chance and praise God she took charge right away. We work together so we meet almost everyday for lunch and talk about the wedding and what needs to be done. Now she's very involved and is helping a lot.

Sometimes sweetheart people are so consumed with their own lives their house could be burning down and they wouldn't notice it. I suggest you speak to her, tell her your concerns and tell her your understand her and is not fair to you because you need the help but that you also understand is not fair to her either because she has so much on her plate. Pray before you speak to her and ask God for help to allow her see your point and help resolve the situation in a way that relationships aren't affected.

I pray it works out for the best. Good luck :-)
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