Ask a Question - Why does it seem like so many B2B are against kids at ceremony/reception?!?!?

Just want to say thanks ...I have 3 kiddos of my own and do not like hearing others complain about kids at weddings either. Everyone needs to remember they were once little too!

Not a problem hun;
Kids are a part of everyones everday world, and they should be part of an important celebration like this.

I think the biggest problem people have with kids is not the behavior of the kids themselves, but the behavior of the parents who let their children be unreasonably loud/ill behaved. I have 7 siblings, 6 with children, and I would hate to have them absent on my day because they are family. At the same time, though, I would be bothered if my brother's toddler started screaming uncontrollably during the ceremony and my brother made no attempt to calm her down or go outside with her.

no idea we are expecting about 20 kids......kids just make everything seem happier!

I know! i love kids, and most of the people in my family are able to controll their children enough so that they don't ruin my wedding. and im sure ever if one if the kids did become uncontrollable im sure they would excuse themselves and their kid from the ceremony/reception untill the child calmed down. we are also expecting 20 kids. they make any occasion lighter, and more magical. were gonna have coloring books, and candy center peices to keep them occupied and special. I can;t think of a fmaily occasion where I would not want them children from my family to attend. and if a family member could not controll their kids I would politely have a talk with them about my concerns before the event.

btw, kudos to you for not being afraid to say how you feel

I am not inviting kids to my reception...I HAVE NOTHING AGAINST KIDS. That being said, the reason why I cannot is because I have a HUGE family, each of my cousins have at least 3 kids each...and baby I got alot of kids in my family. I frankly just cannot afford it. I have my son, 6 neices, and 2 nephews coming. That is already 9 kids just from myself and 2 brothers. I could not imagine not having any kids at the wedding, but I just cannot have too many.

I understand where you are coming from, and people with this opinion normally have children. I don't have children, and it's not that I am worried about one of them crying or screaming during the ceremony or reception. I just don't think it is an appropriate place for children to be, because adults are carrying on and drinking, and sometimes the adults can get out of hand. If i had children, I would not want my kids to be around that. Sorry, but I don't think it's disrespectful at all. I think parents deserve a night out to themselves, and it's not that hard to get a babysitter for the evening.

I think kids give the ceremony/reception personality. My mom runs a daycare so I'm pretty much used to kids and will not mind them being at my wedding at all!

I agree with you. I have a kid also who will be in the wedding. I know other people will be there with their kids so how can I tell them not to bring their kids, mine will be there, so I better get out there and get some colors and coloring books so these kids can have some fun.

I dont have any children... but I have kids in my wedding and I know they will be under control and entertained. I understand why some soon to be Brides might want adult only ceremony/receptions because some parents cannot control their own kids and if their is alcohol of any type some parents would not want their kids around it and also it could be just a grown folks night out to getaway from their kids and just have fun with grownups. If your budget or personality fits for children then go for it but I totally understand if it dont. Your Day Your Way !

Great Post! Thanks for sharing how you feel:0)

I understand not wanting screaming babies all the way through your vows. That is the responsibility of the parents, as most ladies here understand. I'd say it partly depends on the kind of wedding you're having. If there are going to be long speeches and alot of talking with a looonngg dinner then maybe it is less fair to invite the kids. Many kids can manage to sit through a shorter meal and a few speeches if they have some kind of entertainment - yay colouring and quiet books! But think about kids on the dance floor later - those are always some of my best memories from weddings that I've been to! I'm looking forward to having a few kids at my wedding, they add a touch of chaos!

My reasons for not having kids is not because I am selfish-and Yes I am offended by that- Just because a bride DOES NOT want kids at her wedding does not make her selfish at all !! -- I Have a 4 year old daughter who is in the bridal party and she will be attending the Reception but guests children are not invited because my wedding is an evening wedding, it will be running late- and I feel that a wedding is a very "Adult" occasion and that it is just not the place for children. I am a FIRM believer also that children should NOT be around Alcolhol or people that are drinking. Hopefully my daughter will be leaving early, I say this because the wedding will run way past her bedtime- and I do not want her up that late! I know how cranky children get when they are tired!--I also want her to leave before my future in-laws get DRUNK !!

P.S.- If I was having a daytime wedding things may be different and Yes we did look into that but I could not find anything in our budget or a place to accomadate a daytime wedding!

I'm only having 3 kids at my wedding/reception, and those are the ones that are participating. I like kids...but I know everyone that I am inviting and I already know who can control their child and who cant. I'd be setting myself up to be annoyed or distracted on my own wedding day. I have to figure out how to deal with my maid of honor's 8 year old that doesn't do what anybody says.

Great to see everyones opintions;
both those who disagree with my opinion; and those who agree; all comments are appreciated; and add to the post.

And thanks to those who appreciate my willingness to speak my mind;
and to those i offended; well, sorry Its just my opinion; and the way I see it.

I think this is a great post because my FH and I have this conversation all of the time. I do not want children and he does. I expect he will win and we will have children but I rather that we didnt. It was that way when I was growing up, I didnt understand why I couldnt go to weddings (except for the ones I was in) but now I do. My mother often went to "adult only" weddings (it seemed to be the thing in NY at that time...probably due to finances).

Anyway, my FH's family has ALOT of children...and unfortunately, when the adults are having fun they do not necessarily want to be bothered with their children and allow them to do whatever they want. We do have a daughter and I wanted there to be a few exceptions to my "no children" rule. I dont have anything against children in the least, I just know this group of children/parents...it means I cannot have open candles...glass centerpieces, etc.

Someone else mentioned it's not the children we have something against, but the parents who allow them to do whatever and I totally agree! So maybe I will put on the invitations..."control your exploring/terrible twos/wild children"...lol!

I want children at my wedding and reception...if the kids don't act right I think it is the parents fault. The parents should control their kids and if they can't then they shouldn't come.

I understand that all of us have different opinions- but calling people selfish because they have a different opinion than you is just plain wrong, rude and it crosses the line-- It is great that you want to speak your mind but as for name slinging- that is just un-called for.

K; hold on one second before this gets out of hand.
I never individually went out and started pin-pointing people and then preceed to call those said people selfish; I said; in quote " i really DO NOT understand how these B2B's can be so selfish and say things such as "The kids make too much noise and will ruin MY day"; "
To ME (my opinion), in my mind, the idea of banning children because "they make too much noise" and will ruin your day is disrespectful to the children; with that in mind though; if YOU choose to not allow children at YOUR wedding, thats entirely up to YOU.
It is an OPINION, on a BLOG; nothing more; Nothing less.

Okay- Sorry, I understand a bit better now- I thought you were calling us B2B selfish because we do not want children at our wedding 4 whatever reason-- the "ruin my day" comment i must of missed- I misunderstood.

I, too, agree with the mantra, "YOUR DAY, YOUR WAY." Personally, my day will have a minimal amount of children. There are SEVERAL in my family, and other than budget, their parents don't always have control. As a result, they won't be invited. I have been to toooo many weddings where the kids take over the reception, run around, run into others, people get hurt. That's a liability that I personally cannot assume. I also plan to have a plethora of candles at our reception. Kids + candles = disaster....

This is a hard one for me. We ARE having children at our wedding (four of them are in our wedding party) and I wouldn't have it any other way. And it's not the children I have an issue with...it's the parents. It breaks my heart when I go wedding ceremonies and the kids (or better yet, the parents that aren't asking their children to be respectful) ruin the ceremony. I know that it's a celebration for family and loved ones, but the ceremony IS about the bride and groom and ISN'T about the kids. So if the child is being loud and fidgeting, it's the parents responsibility to remove the child.

On the side defending the children, I love nothing more than kids at a reception. I’ve never seen a problem with kids at a reception, heck, their usually the entertainment for the evening! It just baffles me that there are parents out there that allow their kids to misbehave at a time where it’s not appropriate! Some of the things I’ve seen happen at wedding would have never happened under the watchful eye of my mother. No one is against kids…we’re annoyed by the laziness of some parents. Unfortunately, it’s the kids are punished because of it.

I'm not having children at my reception. It's not because I don't want them, to be quite honest I am very sad my niece and nephew aren't participating. We actually even opted to not have them as our ring bearer and flowere girl since our ceremony will only be 30 minute long, tops.

What it comes down to is that when we discussed whether or not we would allow children to come, we decided we wanted to give their parents a break. All of our friends with kids have kids under 5...mostly in the 2-3 range. We wanted to ensure the parents got a night to sit back and relax and enjoy some adult time with their spouses.

Like I said...I'm sad my niece and nephew aren't coming, but now they get to get spoiled at their grandparent's house while their parents have a reason to take a break and have some couple time!

I'm with you! I will have kids at my wedding and also don't understand what the deal is??!! I am going to a wedding in September whith one my best friends who can't bring her two kids if she wants to go and she's the grooms cousin! I just find it offensive. Ok, so if you don't want the kids to be all over the place, then they can have a kids table. It is very inexpensive. Just have some crayons, coloring books and maybe some goodies from the dollar store and voila, the kids will be entertained! A big whoop,whoop to all the brides that allow kids to join in on the fun!

its not that I do not want them there, it is because of my overbearing mother. She has idea's and because she is paying for the wedding, she feels like she has some say. I do not like confrontations and So I do not say anything.
Also weddings are expensive and I do not see how it is feesable to pay upwards of $30 for a 4 year old who is not going to eat everything.

I posted on another girls blog, but I will recap how I felt. I have four children (all over the age of 10)..I don't feel insulted when people don't invite them, and quite frankly, they would rather stay home. When they were little, I found sitters. They were in their "comfort" zone..their t.v., their bed, their toys etc. That's where they were happy. They were excited to be able to "get away with murder" when mom was out. The youngest at my wedding, will be my flower girl; age 5. She will be getting picked up around 9 (my wedding is at 4) by her grandparents, because her mom (one of my bridesmaids) feels that she will be wiped out by then anyway. My youngest nephew (age 2) is not even invited because my sister needs a break. Many of my cousins have little ones and look forward to an 'adult night out'. So.....we all win. Yes, my beef is the parents who let their kids run around and ignore the behavior, not the little ones themselves. Also, money is the big factor in our wedding too.

I had kids to my wedding and let me tell you those kids showed the adults a thing or two because they danced the night away. They were fun loving kids and they were no trouble to me. Plus people were very civilized when it came to the alcohol so that was not an issue for my wedding. My reception was indeed fun and the kids were one of the reasons why

I can understand your opinion and I also understand the opposing's opinion. I personal love to have kids at the reception. I mean, when the music starts. 9 times out of 10 they are the first to get the party started. On that note, because we are flying to Vegas it's just not in our budget to play for airfare for my children. I know that sounds harsh but with all the casino, and gambling go on down there I would rather them not partake in that.

However, we will have a semi-formal wedding bash before the trip to vegas. We will hire a dj, have a wedding cake (not bridal cake) and family and friends to take plenty of pictures. I havent decided where yet but I will do something special for them so that they know they are loved and I want them to give me their blessings. We've talked about it and they understand...my oldest is 12 and my middle girl is 10.

I mean, this all comes from different prospectives.

I wanted to have kids at ours as it's a backyard BBQ wedding, but we had a couple of problems. First our guest list would have gone from 100 to 150 people with all of the kids, and the yard is in the country with woods and a deep pond nearby. I know many of the parents are responsible, but some are not as attentive to their kids and I would spend the whole night counting heads around the property as would my mom (whose yard we're using). That said, I am not offended in the least by invites not including kids - it's nice to get away and enjoy adult company.

Hello, I have 3 kids of my own and my fiance has 2. Our kids are angels (not saying this biasedly but they actually are well disciplend) However, I know some people who have very intolerable children, not the kind where they're too young to know how to behave but the kind who think that rules don't apply to them and parents who enforce this.

I'm kinda torn myself because I don't want to pull a couple people aside and say leave the little hellion home but everyone else can bring their kids.

This is a very hot topic because it is personal to everyone. I have the same blog on my site too and got many of the same responses for both sides.

And again, my opinion is that we are not having children for several reasons, first the numbers for our wedding would drastically increase and the cost would be much higher. 2nd our reception hall can only hold a certain number of people and I have to cut them down somewhere. I can't tell one aunt "sorry you can't come because my other aunt is bringing her 2 yr old" (who won't understand the importance of marriage anyway). Then my final reason is that the children that would be coming "WON'T BE CONTROLLED BY THE PARENTS AND WILL BE RUNNING UP THE AISLE OF THE CHURCH WHILE I'M SAYING MY VOWS!!". I do realize that this is a problem with the parents and not the childs fault, however if I cannot depend on the parents to control their child, I'm not about to let the situation go and have the child cause a disturbance on my wedding day in the middle of my ceremony. I feel this is very naive to assume that all parents have well behaved children and that all parents would discipline their children accordingly. I do not feel that this is in any way "selfish" nor is it "disrespectful" to the children. You cannot honestly say that a 2 yr old child can comprehend the importance of the sacrament of marriage. These are my family and friends that I have to make a choice on. You can feel how you feel and invite kids if you want, but don't think that it is selfish for other brides to have their choices. Quoting you above, kids do make noise and yes there are some that will ruin the day...I've seen it and whether you agree or not, again it's your opinion so do what makes you happy. I certainly will be much happier on my wedding day because of it.

I'm with you. Just not as bold as you. lol. my cousin told everyone no kids. Only half the family showed up at her wedding. People were hurt and offended because as a child, she was invited to all of their weddings.

this is how i see it.. I want my day to be remembered..... and who is going to remember it the longest? The kids! I'm making a designated area for the munchkins. I even bought blow up instruments for them for dancing... and hats.... and glow toys. In my family.... we love the kids. I know some of the kids will be making noise... but I've kind of accepted that. We won't be any more or less married if some kids make a little noise or move around a bit.

at another cousins wedding..... we had a blast with the kids. they danced to hip hop music and we video taped it all. Awesome memories.

IDK. I have seen that a lot to.I love the children and right now I don't want anyone walking in my wedding but them they are so sweet and innocent. Some people are funny acting about that situation which is crazy but, personally it's not a problem for me.

I come from a really big family so does my FH. I think that the idea of no kids is rediculous. They are family, not toys. If your guess don't have a babysitter, then how will they attend. So sad for those who oppose.