Wedding Reception - Is this rude? - POOKYLAA's Pink Wedding by Color Blog

Girl cut your guest list down! That is the best way to cut costs. The hall will work out to be less expensive in the end, even at $25 per plate! Just to rent tables, linens and chairs for my wedding (with 100 fewer people that yours) is about $1000. I'm serious, cut your guest list down and you will save a ton of money!

Here are some guest list rules:

If you haven't seen them in a couple years, cut them.
If you don't even really know them, cut them.
Extended family (like great aunts and second cousins and such), cut them.
Friends you don't speak to regularly, cut them.
Out of town guests (with the exception of very close family and friends), cut them.
Specify who you are inviting on your RSVPs.
If you don't think they'll come anyway, cut them.

I had over 200 people and I had to cut that down using these rules. I managed to cut about 90 people from my guest list. You can still invite some of them to your wedding shower. Just tell people that you are having a small wedding and you can only invite close family.

Whatever you do, DO NOT make your guests pay for their own food! I think I would leave a reception if I was told I had to pay for my own food! If you put that in your invitations, most people won't show.

Good luck! I hope I've been able to help. I also hope I don't come off as mean, because I don't intend to be. I'm just being honest and realistic.

i found the same question someone asked by googling here was a response someone gave:
If you are inviting them as guests, then it is rude to expect them to pay for their own meals. However, you can avoid this situation with a simple re-wording of invitations. Simply say something like, "Following the wedding, the bride and groom will be celebrating their first meal as husband and wife at (X Restauraunt). They welcome anyone who wishes to join them for a dutch treat dinner." That way, you have not specifically "invited guests," but rather let your wedding guests know that they are invited to accompany you at a table at your dinner. Or, if you've planned for this to be more of a reception atmosphere, and if you'll have a wedding cake, you can word it as such: "The couple will be holding a cake-cutting ceremony at (X Restauraunt) following the wedding. Cake (and possibly punch, or something similar, if possible to arrange, because you should provide a beverage option if possible) will be provided, meals begin at $(menu prices)." The etiquitte in these situations lies entirely in the asking.

you can alwasy do finger foods, and go to Sams Club- things like veggie trays, fruit platters, shrimp cocktail, various trail and nut mixes, deli spirals, cheese and crackers, rolls and deli selections, pretzels, etc can be filling for half the cost or less. If you dont have time to do it yourself (which is cheaper than buying the pre made trays), ask your mothers, aunts, and close family members to each bring a tray.

If you go the lake route, you could either go the pot-luck route (which seems rustic to match the outdoor atmosphere). OR, if you dont want to bother everyone with bringing something, again just ask grandmas, aunts, moms, close friends, etc to bring a dish and turn it into a really yummy "home cooked" reception.

Also, if you order pizza for the kids, they will love the alternative option, it is cheap, and it will lessen the amount of people who you would have to buy a plate for.

My thought is if you ask for people to pay for their food, many may not hang around, and leave immediately after the ceremony.

that is absolutely not ok. i would also leave if i was asked to pay for a meal. there has to be another option. what about just apetizers or a dessert bar? please, please, please find a way that does not require asking people for money.

i disagree with futuremrsweikle just a tad. i don't think it is fair to invite someone to a shower and not the wedding. it's like saying "i want to celebrate with you and get a gift but you can't be at the wedding". just my opinion.

you could also put on the invite that instead of a gift, you want them to pay for their own meal...that way they dont have to bring a gift. Are serving appetizers and option...just do a heavy buffet of finger foods. OR cut your guest list down to what you can afford.

Most will think its rude, but given the fact that the economy is not so hot and if your guests undertand why you changed your date, then I don't think it would be a problem. I wouldn't mind paying my own dinner--but I just thought about it...you should probably check with the venue and see how they will handle the bill. I doubt they will let everyone pay separately, so you will have to put the money up front...so that brings a quesiton of how you will ask people for money. Maybe ask them to send the money with the RSVPs???

Yes I think it is rude to invite your guests but ask them to pay for their meal. I can understand not paying for their drinks. Cut down your guest list so you can afford to feed your guests. Make the reception smaller and more intimate. Or just have an hors d'ouvres reception with no full meal, or just a later dessert reception, or a later cocktail reception. There are lots of different options.

I would be totally offended if I was invited to a wedding and asked to pay for my own meal...I probably would not go. There definitely has to be a better option out there that will work for you.

i think you should explain a little why you don't have as much time to save and pay for the wedding like you would have if you kept your original date. I just asked FH how we would feel and I explained your reasoning (your gma's stroke) and he said under normal circumstances he would find it rude to be asked to pay but given your circumstances he wouldn't find it rude. So I think spreading why you are doing it this way will help with people's reactions.

Thank you for all the ideas! I know It is totally rude to ask people to pay for their own meals. I was thinking more along the lines of, paying for lets say 20 people, and my in laws can pay for who they would like to be there and so forth. Depending where it will be, indoor or outdoor, whatever...

I love the pot luck Idea, I considered that but it sounds so much better when it comes from you gals lol.Pizza for the kids! Yay! Outdoor buffet brought by aunts and close friends, finger foods and fruit and veggie trays... maybe someone can bring salmon (we are ndns it's abundant here in the summer haha) Have a big salmon and steak BBQ. I love it!

I think when I mention this to my FMIL she will freak and say NO I WILL PAY OF YOUR GOING TO DO THAT! Thats what I'm hoping anyway... hahaha. Regardless, you girls rock, I feel so much better!!! ~hugs~ :D

Oh yeah, futuremrsweikle... my guest list is as small as it could possibly be! I have 10 aunties and uncles, like 60 first cousins and we're as close as brothers and sisters. My FH has like 15 aunts and uncles and over 100 first cousins... That's not even including our other sides of the family, JUST THE NATIVE SIDE!!! I didn't invite half of them obviously, from either side. Just the closest ones.

But a native wedding isn't like a normal wedding. They will all show up even if they aren't invited... its just life lol. They all live close. gossip travels fast on the rez... and they all think they are obligated to be there no matter what. The ceremony is private, the reception is like... public lol. I will do what you said though, I'm sure I can get like 20 people off the list. I guess a little is better than none at all. once again you guys are the best :D

I definitely think it's rude to have your guests pay for their meals at your wedding. I would suggest cutting your guest list down (250ppl is a pretty big wedding!). Take futuremrsweikle's advice and go through her guest list rules, they look great!

having just hor d'ouevres is another way to save money (you might want to mention this on your invite if you do this though so people aren't expecting a full meal....or one of my friends is using an ipod for the dinner and dance instead of a dj, I've seen this before and it's worked out, so it could be an option.

Please don't ask your guest to pay for themselves. Have you considered downsizing the guest list, having a buffet style dinner or simply cocktail & hor d'oeuvres.

Best Wishes...Hope it works out for you!

There's ways on doing this. I'm the Budget Queen and there are proper ways to do this! Our brother in-law did the same thing, charging us for a sit down dinner and people were pissed off!

1. Throw a Jack & Jill party (I've seen ways how other brides did this to raise money for their reception/honeymoon etc.
2. Potluck sounds good to me, but try to avoid that by tramendously cutting your list.
3. Change your ceremony to evening so you can serve appetizers instead of a sit down buffet or dinner.
4. You venue location seems to be reasonable, so cut something else, like no chaircovers.
5. Just serve cake, champagne/punch and only or have a dessert buffet with coffee/tea, punch etc.
6. FOOD, DO IT YOURSELF for 5.00-10.00 each (foods that stretch).
7. You can have resonable centerpiece with class.

Why don't you cut your list down? Its rude to ask people to pay for their meal. I dont even like the restaurant idea. People coming to weddings dont think they have to shell out money to eat on top of the gift they are bringing you.

Even an appetizer reception will cost you but under no circumstances should guests be paying for coming.

Just cut your guest list. 250 is a large wedding. We have a pretty big budget and we knew anything over 200 wouldn't allow us to have the reception we wanted.

I would really think this over. If you really must have 250 guests anyway you can postpone the wedding until you have the funds to hold it for that big of a crowd?

Do you think your guests would even reply accepting that kind of invitation or would you get a lot declines. I know I would not go to a wedding being expected to pay for my own meal.

Good luck. Really think through your guest list and what is important.

have a pot luck dinner. call all your aunts and his and ask them to each bring a dish. You can work out what all stuff is cheap to serve that they can make. no offense, but if I were told I'd have to pay for my own meal to go to a wedding, I'd throw my invite in the trash. I'd much rather have the invite say join us for snacks after the ceremony, than cough up 25 bucks and pay for my meal.

I think your best bet is to not have a sit down dinner and just do a heavy hordorve reception,

Cheese/ meat fruit and cracker platter
some small sandwiches
little finger foods
dessert table
i think should be find and everyone will be satisfied!
And it wont break your pockets

Another option no one else seems to have mentioned is having a morning wedding, with a lunch served instead. Oftentimes, serving lunch is a lot cheaper than supper.

Buffet is also usually cheaper.

I love the idea of BBQ by the lake. I wonder if this would work for you: you prvide hot dogs, hamburgers, condiments, and potato salad, and if others want anything else (like the salmon you mentioned, or steak), they bring it themselves, and toss it onto the BBQ.

Good luck, honey! Think of something so that you don't have to ask guests to pay. (I like the idea of bringing it to your FMIL, and having her freak out/offer to pay. Brilliant!!)

it would be soooo rude to ask people to pay for food. Maybe you could do the outdoor venue but have a cocktail reception with fingetfoods instead. I think that would fly more than asking people to pay for their food. I think that would be a HUGE no-no

Yikes. I am sorry I am going to have to agree with the other brides. If you can't afford to feed 250, then why are you inviting them? This is not to come across rude, but really if you expect a guest to bring a gift and THEN pay for their dinner they are going to feel very disrespected. Especially since a gift money wise normally coves what you paid for to have them at the dinner.

We are ONLY having 70 ppl are our reception because that is all we can budget for, plus we are just inviting people are in our every days lives. We would rather not go broke trying to have a large wedding.

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