07/02/2012
Monster FMIL
Monster FMIL
  

FMIL
need I say more?

I really really need your help ladies!!!! If you are praying people please please keep me and FMIL in your prayers!

OK, up til this point FMIL has never been a monster in law. Sure, there had been some awkward moments where it felt like we were competing for her sons attention, but what bride doesnt encounter that at some point? But my FMIL has made comments about my weight and said other things to me that implied she didnt really think I was an adequate match for her son.

So last night FMIL was talking to us about the bachelor party [because her husband is Justin's best man] and she was saying how Mr. FMIL wanted to have the party at our house. I said I wasnt comfortable hosting people there because its only 2 days before the wedding and our wedding night will be taking place at the house as opposed to a hotel [being a virgin this is an extra important event that i want to go perfectly ]. Instead of respecting my feelings, she belittled them and basically told me i was being unreasonable and high maintenance. Then of course i got defensive and it escalated into a huge blow up fight. Basically it turned into me making her aware that for the past year, she has made little comments about my weight and get jealous when i would do things for justin because she honestly feels like i'm 'the other woman' and doesnt know how to step back and let me take control as a wife [to-be]. She didnt own up to ANY of those feelings, even though there is no other explanation for her actions. Anyway there was screaming and yelling and crying and A LOT of immaturity from her that i definitely did not anticipate! I was really hoping to humble her by telling her all the ways that she's hurt me and how hard it is having no family of my own to run to since they are all in California and I, in addition to handling the tranisition of marriage itself, am trying to juggle the transition of moving 2000 miles away from my family, but she basically said i was being an ungreatful drama queen and made it about her saying she feels huhrt that i dont feel welcome. But she should know that nothing compares to having your own blood near you! After lots of awkward silences we kissed and made up but i still feel awful about how the conversation went down and quite frankly, I'm angry about the things she said to me and the way she acted toward me so childishly.

I really dont know where to go from here. I dont know if i should just try to forgive her in my heart and offer up all this anger to god, or if i should seriously try sitting down with her and having a more civilized conversation? I dont know.

Any advice? I know I'm not the only Bride with a FMIL who is in denial!

Anyway, love you ladies!
flrjohnson's Red wedding
 |  Atlanta, GA, USA  |  07/02/2012  | 
Aw hun, I'm sorry to hear you're going through this madness with her. I understand how you feel in wanting that respect from her that you deserve. You have every right to feel the way you do and good for you for standing up for yourself and saying how you really feel about things. For now, I'd say just wait a bit before you approach her again to have a calmer conversation. You may have said a lot and she has to take the time to think all that over. Let it all actually sink into her mind. You should take sometime and think about what you want to say, how you need to say it, and also consider hearing her out too. That way you both can hear each other instead of yelling over each other and not solving anything. I hope that it works out for you  both and you all can come to a peaceful understanding with each other. It's a hard thing letting go of family and watching them move on. It's hard transition for her, as it is a big transition for you too. I'll be praying for both of you to listen and understand each other. You can pray and leave it all in God's hands too. He'll show you the right way to go with this.
alecia's Black wedding
 |  Bismarck, ND, USA  |  07/02/2012  | 
I am so sorry, dear!! I also have some family problems as well with my fiance and my family. They haven't spoken in almost 7 months please remember us in your thoughts and prayers. Going through family and fiance and wedding drama is so hard. I totally feel what you are going through. I would also let some time pass(but not too much) and talk to her again in a calm, and casual converstaion.  Anyway, I will remember your sistuation in my prayers
sammielynn5's Blue wedding
 |  Steubenville, OH, USA  |  07/02/2012  | 
THANK YOU flrjohnson and alecia!!!!! You both just made my day. I think i will give it some time to sink in and just take a deep breath. Since i dont have family out here, i really really do want to have a good relationship with her because my own folks aren't here! also, thank you so so much for your prayers, i can already feel them working!

Prayin for you ladies too!
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