This is soon2bsleeper's Pink Wedding!

Friday at about 4:15 they called all the employees into the break room and told us that we were all laid off effectlive immediately. I went to the State office today to find out about applying for unemployment. They tell me I may not be approved because I'm a full time student. What the hell does that matter? Yah, I get financial aid, but not enough to do anything, but pay my tuition and by books! What am I supposed to live off?!?

Coty and I are both unemployed now. We have enough money to make it to the middle of March and then we are screwed. Coty might have a job prospect, but things look pretty bad down here. We may be moving in with family in the city to try to find jobs. The only problem is then we can't live today because we aren't married yet. I feel like everyone is crapping on our heads and we are stuck between a rock and a hard place to do anything about it.

So...first trimester down, and both parents are unemployed. What a great way to start off the second trimester huh? Please send you prayers this direction. I'm scared and need all the help I can get.

Work has been shut down the last two days due to the weather. We are a small company and it's not uncommon for them to shut down for a day or two. I come back in this morning trying to figure out how I'm going to make up two days worth of hours before the end of day tomorrow. And then they lay it on me: They are laying people off tomorrow. They cut the entire night crew last night, and removed nearly all of the temp people we had here during the day. No one but the people in the front office know about the layoff. I knew work was trying to cut back on bills (leaving lights off in the factory off, leaving the thermostats down at 65 degrees, not running the dryers all day, only during certain shift, ects) I didn't realize it was this bad. I guess I should have known because we have been dodging collections for a few months now. But I really didn't think it was this bad. Everyone kept saying, business would pick up after the New Year. What a joke. We are so slow right now, that they have been sending the factory workers home two or three times a week. (Which I didn't find out until this past weekend.)

So here's the problem. I have friends that work back there. Several have just had babies. I'm going to feel so sad for them if they get laid off. Or worse yet, what if I get laid off?!?! Coty's already unemployed. I'm the sole bread winner for the family at this moment. If I get fired we are screwed. Not only financially, but we also lose our insurance. What do I do about that?? Coty can go without for a few months if need be, but I'm pregnant! I NEED insurance. I guess if it happens I go to the state office and beg for help. They can't possibly turn away a pregnant, unemployed student can they?

Please send your prayers and happy thoughts my direction tonight and tomorrow morning. The big wigs will be down around 10:00AM so I assume we will know something shortly after that.

Well ladies...it's official. I'm pregnant. I found out the week after my birthday in December. Coty about crapped on himself...he was not expecting it at all. (We honestly thought I was not going to be able to have babies after the year of really bad infections and such.) But he's super excited now. I didn't tell my family before Christmas because they were all going out of town and I didn't want to ruin their Christmas. I told my mom and step dad. They were like, 'yah, we figured.' Not exactly the reaction I was hoping for. My dad found out shortly after New Years. I have been talking with my step mom who was totally against it in the beginning about every three days. My dad had not talked to me since he got the news. Which is really hard for me. We are really close and used to talk every other day and several times on the weekends. (we call each other about sports games and such...I know we are nerds, but I love him!) So everyone in my immediate family knows now. Coty's grandmother knows and she has been surprisingly supportive. She has taken it upon herself to cook for me three or four times a week. I can't tell if the weight I'm gaining is baby weight or all the food she keeps bringing me. lol! No one else in his family knows yet. His dad is out of town and Coty wants to tell him face to face, and his mom and other grandmother live out of town. So we will tell them probably the middle of next month when we go visit.

I called dad last night because I missed him. He said nothing about the baby. Just asked about school and work. Maybe he's just not ready to talk about it yet. And I'm willing to respect that. He asked if Coty and I would come up not this weekend but the next on Sunday. I'm a little scared because I know he totally disapproves and is disappointed in me, but the baby is real and coming soon. So...he's just going to have to figure it out I guess.

We are due in August. So I'm almost 11 weeks pregnant. I'm super excited! I'm also scared though. Coty's not working right now and I'm scrapping by to make enough to support us, let alone a baby. Coty has kicked his job hunt up to the point that I'm exhausting watching him. There just aren't any jobs in our small little town or surrounding areas. We are talking about him having to be gone throughout the week, at least for a little while. He's totally against this as I am pregnant and he wants to be close to me at all times. So, we'll see what he hears in the next couple of weeks. The good news, my work is not going to consider the pregnancy a pre-existing condition and will cover me and the baby starting Feb 1. Yah!!

We have decided to postpone the wedding, sort of. We are going to have a small intimate ceremony, just us and one other couple. So we will be married before our bundle of joy gets here. (we are both from religious families and having a baby out of wedlock is something that neither family is ok with) We are going to keep it a secret and then have a big ceremony like we had been planning later. That way the baby can be there to experience the ceremony (even though he/she wont really know what's going on yet...I'm thinking pictures down the road)

How many of you ladies had babies with your fiance before you were officially married?

How did your families take it? Were they upset or loving and supportive?

How did you incorporate your children into your ceremony?

Just a few questions. Nothing judgmental....thanks for any responses!

Merry Christmas ladies!! I'm headed out of town and wont be back on till probably after the New Year. So, have a merry Christmas and a safe and happy New Year!

Ok, so those of you that have read my posts before have heard me casually mention another baby. Well in light of the news this weekend I feel like it's time to share. Basically I need some love...tell me it's going to be ok...

Coty has a baby by his ex. He had just turned 18 when she got pregnant. She was younger and still in school. They should never have been conoodling, but it's too late now. She had her baby as a sophomore. She did not tell Coty she was pregnant until she couldn't hide it anymore. And even then she wanted nothing to do with him. They had already been broken up at the time. (At least that's the story I was given.) He went to the hospital when she gave birth and wasn't allowed to hold the baby. Everyone else was, including his family (which I think is total bullshit on his families part, but again whatever). I have seen pictures of him with his head leaning against the baby window at the hospital just bawling his eyes out. The nurses were nice enough to move his son to the front of the window so he could at least see him through the glass. It's a horrible sight. Trust me ladies, possibly the worst thing I have ever seen. The man you are going to spend the rest of your life with, crying like a baby over his baby with another woman. Trust me...it's been a really hard 2 years.

His family has continued to see the baby throughout all this time. They bend over backwards for this girl, pay her bills, babysit so she can go out drinking, they just do everything for this girl despite what she has done to Coty. Basically in their eyes she can do no wrong and Coty will never been complete until he gets back with her. Well, she finally decided she wants him in the baby's life about this time last year. (Honestly, I think it's because she needs someone else to babysit so her senior year isn't inconvenienced by the baby, but I'm probably a little biased.) He goes over there, while I'm out of town to meet his son. I guess it was horrible. She basically throws herself at him. Keep in mind this is right after she finds out we are engaged. Begs him to come back. Bla bla bla. He holds the baby for however long, but he feels no connection. Now I know some of you ladies are going to think poorly of him because of this, but please try to hear me out. He's spent so much of him life the past year and a half trying to forget about this baby and move on, that he feels no connection. He said it felt like he was holding someone else's baby. There was just nothing. He continues to pay the hospital bill, as this was the only thing she would take. He tried to buy the baby things when he was first born but she would return them or even better destroy them. So short of the sperm used to make the baby and the money for the bill, he has no ties to this girl or her child. Since then he has been over there three or four times, but still nothing.

His family blames me. This is why we don't get along. They blame me for keeping him from the baby and being a family with this girl. Trust me, I'm not. The baby could come over to our house whenever Coty wanted. The only thing I asked was that he not be in the house alone with her. Which I think is fair, looking at her past attempts to get him back. But he just doesn't want to. His family continues to go over there once or twice a week, whenever she needs a babysitter. But they can't let go of their hatred for me. However, they had no problem getting over what this girl did to Coty, their real family. Needless to say it has caused several fights between me and Coty. But in the end it has made up that much stronger. We know that we have each other and thats all we need. That being said, I'm going to tell you it's not getting any easier for me to hear everything that is said. We live in a small town, where everyone knows everyone's business. People look at me like I'm a home wrecker. It just kills me. Coty has lost not only his family but some of his friends over the deal. I wasn't even here when he could have been seeing the baby, and yet somehow I'm keeping him away from her. We have talked about it numerous times. The last time I told him if he wanted to try to make it work with her and the baby I would understand. I was going to be heart broken, but if he felt like that was where he should be I would understood. But he just doesn't want to. And usually when I try to push him to see the baby we end up fighting, so I just don't anymore. But still his family hates me. It's really hard on me. No one blames Coty. Not that I want them to be attacking him, I would like it if his family would be angry with her for what she did to him. And realize that we are getting married and they could at least figure out how to be respectful to me. Wishful thinking. Sunday his little brother, the one that's been staying with us, even said something to me. (Keep in mind he's 13 and had to have heard this from someone else in the family.) He wishes that I would allow Coty to see the baby, even if it was just once a week or something. But that I need to let him be with his family. Are you freakin kidding me?!? I am Coty's family. I have stood behind him through everything. I have been the one picking up the pieces when these people break him. I'm the one that's there when his dad calls him a piece of shit for not being with the baby. I am his family.

This has all been getting to me more in the past month than usual for two reason, 1.) Coty's little brother is staying with us. His dad is not helping us with any bills or anything. Because he's struggling right now. But he damn sure has enough money to help her out. He took her and the baby to Silver Dollar City last summer. He just spent a but ton of money on her for Christmas. I understand buying the baby toys, but her as well?!? And he can't help us with the bills to support his son. What is wrong with this picture?? And 2.) I'm still convinced I'm pregnant. More on that later today or tomorrow though. I'm mentally exhausted and a little sad right now. So, I'm going to have to wait to tackle that discussion with you ladies.

Thanks for listening...

The first pictures are for me (1-4):

I LOVE the Monalisa dress. It has the lower waste to hid my belly, it's strapless with lots of bling on the top and little bunches with bling all over the skirt. I didn't think I would like the bottom of the dress, but I do. I tried on one similar a while back and just loved it. However it was from one of those custom made places and I about puked when I saw the price tag. I'll try dresses again shortly after the new year I think. My hope is to have the ceremony/reception location deposits down and then when it starts to feel more real I'll go dress shopping again, seriously this time. I love the shoes. Coty found a pair that he really likes (he has a thing for feet), but I'm torn. I may just end up wearing flats though. I don't want to have to worry about my feet hurting all day/night and since my surgery they do. The last pictures is an S in the veil. I LOVE this! I will wear a veil, maybe not through the reception, but at least during the ceremony. And I'm sure between my mom, grandmothers and the sewing ladies at work, someone can do this for me. I just love it.

The second pictures are for bridesmaids (5-15):

These are the bridesmaid dress ideas that I have found thus far. I think I'm going to let the girls pick like you girls suggested. But I really like some of these styles. Especially #5, and 6. Now I know some of these are not going to be picked by some of my bridesmaids, but these are just inspiration ideas. I'm going to ask that they all be pink with an orange accent. (but the orange isn't necessary depending on the dress) # 9 is gorgeous! My sister, the MOH would look amazing in this! Do you think it will look funny to have my MOH in a long dress and the bridesmaids in shorter dresses?

Dress 16 is for the glower girls:

We have three flower girls ranging from middle elementary school age to preschool age. (two of my cousins, and the only girl cousin in Coty's family.) I think this dress is just adorable. I will not make them all wear the same dress, but I'll ask for similar ones. Maybe just a simple white dress from a department store with a pink or orange ribbon? I get that flower girl dresses are outrageously expensive, and I don't want to break the bank for any of the parents. So, we will be very lenient on these dresses.

The next picture is for the boys (17):

I see them in black tuxes with white shirts and colored ties and pocket squares. Coty will look amazing in this tux. He's not very picky. I'm hoping I can convince him to wear a pink tie that matches the bridesmaid dresses and the groomsmen will have orange ties. I'm also considering looking for pocket squares rather than paying extra for bouts. I know Coty isn't crazy about wearing a flower, so that would be an nice compromise.

I'm a super organized person. I can't stand unorganized messes. Which is so strange because when I was younger and my parents wanted me to get organized I just couldn't do it. Now though, I have to have a plan and stay organized, otherwise I lose track of what I'm doing/want to be doing, get frustrated and give up. (I know, not a good way to be.) I decided today while I was sitting at work doing nothing (no checks to send out and I'm finished with my school work, so...onto wedding planning! lol.) I'm thinking we are going to put everything in order of importance and go from there. The most important thing to us is the ceremony, that's what this whole party is for right? Us getting married should be the center of the planning. Then one hell of a party can follow.

So, included in the ceremony is:
the attire (me, bridesmaids, boys, flower girls and ring bearer)
hair and makeup (but that may be done by a friend so, the pressure is not that bad for this one)
the actual service (readings, music, vows, ect.)
Flowers (we probably wont have any at the reception anyway, so this will be minimal, except for the bouquets and bouts)
Transportation from the ceremony for me and Coty

So, that's what I'm planning to tackle the next few weeks. Obviously if we fall in love with the reception location we are going to see we will book that. But first things first. The ceremony. More to come I'm sure, wish me luck!

I have been looking for bridesmaid dress ideas. I really like the look of the longer, a little more formal dresses. The plan is for our ceremony to be formal and the reception to be more laid back and fun. Should I go with the shorter dresses to fit the season, or can I get away with the longer dresses?

It's going to be an outside reception, in the evening, with probably a banquet style dinner.

OH! And one more question. I have a large range of sizes for my bridesmaids. My sister, the MOH is probably a size 5, but then I have two bridesmaids that are probably a high 20-something in sizes. So, one tiny MOH, two average bridesmaids, and two pleasantly plump bridesmaids. How do I make them all feel comfortable with the dress? What dresses are flattering for all sizes? Should I have my sister wear something a little different and then opt for a dress with more 'coverage' for the other four?

I'm feeling so overwhelmed! I'm half way through finals, which is nice. But now I'm stressing about whether I did enough. I have to get pretty good grades this semester so I can be accepted to the PSU accounting program. It wouldn't be so rush rush, but I only have about 1 year's worth of classes left, so if I don't get in I have to wait and try again next semester which means I have wasted this coming semester. I know for sure I have 3 A, but my other two classes are still up in the air. I'm thinking I'll get an A and a C, which I'm not crazy about, but I didn't do much work. (stupid history classes!)

I was trying to start my 'life changes' this week. I refuse to say I'm dieting, but I was going to making a conscious effort to eat healthy and get at least a minimal amount of exercise in each day. But let me tell you, none of that is happening. Between finals and some problems at home, I haven't eaten much that wasn't fast food this week. I'm not getting enough sleep, my period is MIA (which is a whole nother conversation), and I'm really crabby.

I'm not wanting to plan the wedding anymore. We have so much to do and so little time it seems to do any of it. We don't have a reception or location, ANY vendors, nothing. WE HAVE NOTHING. Other than a bunch of DIY stuff that I'm just sure we will need. (We are meeting with a reception location the week after Christmas. Which happens to be our #1 pick, so send happy thoughts my way in two weeks-ish) Not to mention we don't have money to put towards any of the stuff I want. Coty quit his job yesterday. Yes you read that right. He QUIT his job. He thought he had found a better job, but then was unable to get it, so now he's jobless. And again we are trying to survive on my tiny little paycheck. Why he didn't wait until he was absolutely sure he had the new job I do not know. Holy hell...so much for not being stressed this holiday season.

THEN we find out that Coty's dad may have lung cancer. We knew he had been sick lately, but he hasn't told anyone anything. We thought it was his heart, but only because we knew he had to have some test done this past fall. Well, while I was out of town last weekend, Coty found a form in his dad's truck for his life insurance. He has upped the amount of money the boys will get if something should happen to him, and when I say upped it, I mean UPPED it. Under the reason for the change, it lists health complications due to tobacco. So we can only speculate, but we are pretty sure he has cancer.

As if that's not bad enough, we find out that his little brother has this new girlfriend. Now, keep in mind I told him this girl was bad news from the beginning, but he's 13 and not thinking with the correct body parts. She lied to his best friend and then started dating Coty's brother before she broke up with the best friend. He had been staying with us, and last weekend we found a naked picture of his girlfriend on his phone. This girl is freakin 12 years old! 12!! a sixth grader! What kind of 12 year old sends naked pictures to a boy?? So, we have a long talk with his brother, tell him he's not allowed to see this girl anymore and needless to say he's grounded until he turns 40. But I mean really? What were they thinking?? Now I'm freaking out that he has had sex with her. He just doesn't get it. He doesn't get that it will ruin his life AND hers. And he's watched it happen to Coty. (another long story...for a rainy day...makes me really sad and it's kind of hard to talk about, you ladies understand, I hope)

All this is happening while I'm wondering where my lovely month reminder could be. I had a really bad kidney/bladder infection a few months back and it's been a little weird since then. But this month it's really late. Not that I wouldn't love to be a mommy, but right now??!? Does God really think right now is the right time? I can't seem to take care of myself, Coty and his brother, let alone a baby....And if that's not it, where is it? I hate waiting on the stupid thing. It just needs to hurry up and get here. Preferably before Christmas.

Ok, so there's my vent. Sorry it's so long, but I don't really have anyone to talk to since all of my family and friends are in Kansas City, and I'm down here. So...thanks for lending your ear. I really appreciate it.