Ask a Question - Honeymoon---need your advice... - TIGGRE99's Red Wedding by Color Blog

FH and I hadn't planned on having a "honeymoon". I was going to take off of work, but we haven't really talked about going somewhere. We are paying for the majority of the wedding ourselves, so this means that a lot of our money is tied up with that--not to mention it is slightly more expensive than we had originally planned. My sister owns a timeshare, so she has offered to let us use it anywhere we want. Well here is where it gets a little tricky. I had a friend pass away a few years back and everytime her dad is in town, we always have dinner. He also owns a timeshare. Last year after he found out about our engagement he offered his timeshare. Well over Christmas FH and I were having dinner with him and he mentioned that he was going to get us a timeshare and was working it out so we could go for a week. So this whole time we had "sort of" planned on him doing something--we were pretty sure we couldn't say no because this would be his gift to us and he will never be able to do it for his daughter. I get an email from him earlier today saying that he has already reserved a 2 suites in St. Maarten for us and for him and whoever he brings and let him know if we are interested. We of course would have to pay the airfare. My sis was married in St. Maarten but FH and I had to get back to work so we didn't really get a chance to explore that much.

Here are a few of my concerns:

1) We need to sit down to decide if we can actually afford to go.
2) I don't want to feel obligated to hang out with him everyday. It's nice that he did this, but it is our honeymoon. I don't mind the occassional dinner, but I just have a feeling he may want to hang out a bit more.
3) I don't want to hurt his feelings, since basically he did this for us, for our wedding. So what if we don't necessarily want to go to St. Maarten.
4) I know he should have asked us first and if we had a particular location in mind, but this is just how he is. He's not being rude or anything so please don't take it like that.

I just don't know how to tactfully say...Thanks for doing this for us--but we don't want to see you everyday. I don't want to sound harsh but at the same time we would like to do some things on our own, ya know? What would you do?

Oh my gosh...that is so sweet and kind of him but at the same time it puts you in an awkward position doesn't it? I think it depends how strongly you feel about not going. If it's really a question of cost then tell him you've been number crunching and you won't be able to afford the airfare etc. but you really appreciate the gesture. I would be wary though of him possibly offering to pay for the flight...would he do that?
We have family friends who offered us their Florida vacation home but we are declining the offer. Mainly because we want to go to Greece :)
Personally I don't want anybody else on my honeymoon with us, you'll have so many family obligations leading up to the wedding that I really see this as your time to enjoy each other without disruption...
I hope this helped a little. Good luck :)

i would maybe not assume that your friend's dad plans to spend all day every day with you. maybe just some dinners or some activities, like you mentioned. however, if the time comes and he does try to tag along with you & your hubby for everything, i would try to politely say that you love being around him & spending time together, but as it is your honeymoon, you really want to try to have some newlywed alone time. if he wants to spend a lot of time with the two of you, maybe just figure out the activities that you & your husband want to do as a pair and let your friend's dad know about the "date" you have planned. or if he seems to be letting the two of you go on your own for most of it, schedule some QT with him a few times during the trip so he feels included and appreciated for what he's doing for you. obviously he feels a close bond to you, or he wouldn't care to be there with you, so maybe your being around him makes him feel good since he will not have that opportunity with his daughter.

That's very nice of your late friend's dad to do that for you, it's a really nice gesture. What I would do is schedule a day that you and your FI have dinner with him and maybe something else as well, but call the resort and make a reservation and book it ahead of time...and tell him you made reservations on X date and at X time because you and your FI have some tourist activities planned for most of your honeymoon, and you would like to have dinner with him before you leave St. Maarten and to thank him. I think that way it implies that you and your FI have some things planned already, but that you would like to see him before you leave. And by booking it ahead of time he will know that there is a day already scheduled for all of you to get together, and he may be less likely to want to spend even more time with you both. Hope that helps!

Thanks ladies. I shouldn't assume he will want to spend all of his time with us--but I have a feeling he will want to do some things together. I just don't know. The other thing is, I have been looking at reviews of the place and perhaps once upon a time it was a 5 star but now it has gone down the crapper. A hurricane a few years ago wiped out the beach, the staff can be unfriendly, and tons of reviews of it not being clean. Now don't get me wrong--I'm the type that can make the best out of what I have, but I will admit that I want to be spoiled on my honeymoon if we decide to take one. I don't mind having a so-so stay for vacations, but this is my honeymoon. Almost all of the reveiws (even the ones that gave it a 4 out of 5) said it isn't fit for an amazing honeymoon. And how do I respectfully decline if we want to go somewhere else? :-( I just feel so bad because it really is super nice of him to do this.

Thanks for your advice on how to deal with my MOH! I think I'm going to talk to her about it. I'm just going to polite tell her that I really look forward to our weekly chats, and that if she won't be home just to text me and let me know. We'll see how it goes.

What I would do in your situation is just tell him that you are so grateful for his offer, but you have decided to postpone the honeymoon until a later date. I'm not really sure how else you can gracefully decline his offer. It's a difficult situation because you obviously are very grateful, but at the same time you don't want to spend the money on flights to go, and end up having a disappointing honeymoon. Keep us updated on what you decide! Good luck :)