WeddingByColor - Free wedding blogs & bride's online community
trombonechick's Pink wedding
See more wedding posts by trombonechick

07/21/2009
IMGP1300Pink Ask a Question Tacky, or not tacky?
IMGP1300
   

Ask a Question
Tacky, or not tacky?

We are doing an open bar, but we thought it might be nice to try to defray some expenses by having a donation jar for those who want to help us out. It's been brought to my attention that some might consider this tacky. Please let me know, HONESTLY, what you would think if you saw this at a wedding!
black, white, black and white, damask, bar, reception, trombonechick
comments 21 fave it permalink visit: 574
SIGN IN to link this comment to your account
email address is only for subscribing to this post, won't be shown to others.
futuredrbraun's Pink wedding
futuredrbraun
 |  State college, PA, USA  |  07/21/2009
I have seen others do this at weddings and no one thought that it was tacky. It's not like they have to donate if they don't want to. It will be interesting to hear what others think too.
brandbre's Purple wedding
brandbre
 |  Decatur, GA, USA  |  07/21/2009
Hmmm...I don't know. I would gladly donate if I were a guest but you know how there are always a few people who like to say negative things. So if you don't mind the rude chatter then go for it!
princessbride2b's Chocolate wedding
princessbride2b
 |  Voorhees, NJ, USA  |  07/21/2009
Why don't you do a cash bar, and give them two drink tickets? I know we are just having beer and wine. I do not want anyone getting drunk at my wedding and ruining my day. Also, I do not want anyone to get a DUI. So, if you can not do a cash bar, I would just limit the time of the open bar, will that save you money?
hotpink's Pink wedding
hotpink
 |  Ottawa, ON, Canada  |  07/21/2009
We are having an open bar, and have only been to weddings with open bars and I have never seen this. Personally I would not do it, I think that if you commit to an open bar you shouldn't ask for donations, because then it turns into a cash bar. With that being said, I honestly think that everyone should do what they want at their wedding, and if that works for you then go for it.  :)
's wedding
ikaufman08
 |  Cleveland, OH, USA  |  07/21/2009
most open bars there is a jar for tips anyhow... so u can maybe work something out with the hall or the bartenders...
mrsbraziel's Red wedding
mrsbraziel
 |  Houston, TX, USA  |  07/21/2009
Honeslty I don't think its tacky! I'm having a open bar and cash bar .I will make a cute little drink ticket so everyone gets ONE drink on us.After that DRINK AT YOUR OWN RISK!
bett0917's Black wedding
bett0917
 |  Saint john, IN, USA  |  07/21/2009
I agree with hotpink. As a guest, I would feel obligated to contribute. At least if it were a cash bar the guest could make the decision about whether or not to spend the money. Princessbride made a good suggestion too. It could be a way to cut down on the total. I think that the jar could leave a bad taste in some of your guests' mouths.
deneanrae's Blue wedding
deneanrae
 |  Red deer, AB, Canada  |  07/21/2009
yea... its an ok idea, dont know if i would do it. We are charging $2.00 for each drink and having any proceeds go to chairty... but a donation jar may work.. i dont know about at the bar... im just not sold for some reason
shawnamarie0509's Green wedding
shawnamarie0509
 |  Asbury, NJ, USA  |  07/21/2009
I think if you have a bartender who has a tip jar out you might not want to do this since it would definitely take away from their tips. It's a nice idea, but I was a bartender, and I know tips help so so much. We don't get paid much, we really count on this. If there was a jar for me, and a jar for you guys I think most people would give their spare change or a couple of bucks to you guys, since it isssss your wedding. I'd definitely understand that you guys needed the extra cash, but I would be kind of irritated since I was working all night for you guys. Talk to the bartender or the venue, if there isn't a tip jar then definitely go for it! I don't think anyone will think it's tacky!!
's wedding
mikeandmel
 |  Vancouver, BC, Canada  |  07/21/2009
i agree with shawnamarie.  if it were taking away from the bartender's income then it is not cool.
's wedding
Nocturnius
 |  Cocoa, FL, USA  |  07/21/2009
First, everyone keeps mentioning bartender tip jars... where on earth do bartenders have tip jars at weddings? I have been to MANY weddings with open bars and work at a hotel that hosts weddings, and I have NEVER seen this. I actually just asked our in-house bartender and even HE said this is TOTALLY tacky.

The couple tips the bartender like they do all other vendors. If the bartender has a tip jar at an open bar, then you certainly better not be tipping them in addition to the handouts they're NOT SUPPOSED TO BE GETTING from guests. THAT is tacky! I would fire a bartender if they had a tip jar out at my wedding - this isn't a strip club!

That said, I would personally find a donation bar tacky for one reason: you're getting wedding gifts. People who want to "donate" will do so by giving you a cash gift. By putting out a donation jar, you are asking your guests to give you more money, after they have traveled and purchased gifts for you. Judging from other comments, I'm in the minority, but that is my honest opinion.
shoeaholic's Purple wedding
shoeaholic
 |  Edmonton, AB, Canada  |  07/21/2009
I say that if you are hoping for some help, then I would just have a "toonie-bar" (that's in Canada).  Where guests pay $2 for their drinks and you pay the remainder of the fee.  Its really the same thing without the donation jar.
's wedding
jeremyandkayla
 |  Honolulu, HI, USA  |  07/21/2009
we might be doing certain things free plus drink tickets, if the venue will let us, or a cap on the bar, or something like that, but no jar.  to me, i would feel sort of obligated (even though it's not an obligation, that's how i'd feel) to leave something, even if it's not the whole cost.  i wouldn't do it, but then again, i'm not sure how your family and friend are...  i'm pretty sure, though, that SOMEONE will talk crap about it...  you know how that goes!!
pcbbride2be's Blue wedding
pcbbride2be
 |  Lithonia, GA, USA  |  07/21/2009
I think its TACKY TACKY TACKY. I would seriously talk about you if I was a guest at your wedding. If you are trying to cut cost then just downsize your wedding.
rcpm44's Pink wedding
rcpm44
 |  Irving, TX, USA  |  07/21/2009
In my opinion, this is very tacky. Your guests have already traveled to your wedding and more than likely bought you a gift and now you're asking for more?! If having a open bar is stretching your budget so much that you need a "to defray some expenses" than you need to find some other way to have a bar. Have it open for an hour and after that it's a cash bar. Or serve less alcohol, like just beer and wine. Or don't do a bar at all. But if I were a guest at your wedding and I saw this not only would I talk about you, but I would assume that you are trying to have a wedding that you couldn't afford.
dd977chic's Black wedding
dd977chic
 |  Orlando, FL, USA  |  07/21/2009
i think its nice if  the money is for the bartenders
tunatuna's Yellow wedding
tunatuna
 |  Portland, OR, USA  |  07/21/2009
I personally have no objections to such an idea. As a guest I surely wouldn't mind helping the bride and groom out, especially if they ask.  But that's just me.  There'll always be people who talk.  If you don't mind the talking, then go for it!  For us, we're gonna do the 2 drink tickets per guest idea. Saves us even more money than soliciting donations I think and helps keep guest behavior under control (hopefully no DUI's)
felisha45's Pink wedding
felisha45
 |  Edmonton, AB, Canada  |  07/22/2009
I must say I saw your post and brought it up to my fiancee and now we are going to be doing it - so no I do not think it is tacky!!
By the way - l love the label and the colours used!
amcs76's Green wedding
amcs76
 |  Pickering, ON, Canada  |  07/24/2009
Honestly...I think it is tacky. If you cannot afford to have an open bar, don't have one. There are lots of other options to save you money.... You can do a $2 bar, where your guests just pay $2 for all drinks, and you and your FH pay the difference for all drinks, or you can just have a limited bar with beer, wine and coolers. Or you can just have an open bar for 2-3 hours, and then after that guests pay for their own drinks.
sapphire2009's Blue wedding
sapphire2009
 |  Cary, NC, USA  |  07/25/2009
I'm just putting a tip jar out... i dont care about "donations" and it's more for the bartenders benefit than mine since I don't plan on tipping him/her. (they're independently contracted & we're paying $200 for ours... most of which is theirs to keep. so I don't see how a tip is required when I used to bartend for less than minimum wage and NO tips.)
unpredictablebride's Black wedding
unpredictablebride
 |  Markham, IL, USA  |  08/09/2009
I do not think it is tacky but I will agree with some that it may make people feel obligated.  There are cute little ways to help with expenses though... How about a dollar dance? In my Italian family it is a tradition..some find that tacky (like my Fiance lol) At my 1st wedding(almost 12 yrs ago) I had people giving me 10s and 20s to pay to dance with the bride and the groom for one song. My mom stood by me and pinned them to my dress. It produced great photos and we actually made quite a bit of extra money..we used it to better tip the DJ and bartenders. You could apply it to where ever you please :)

Just a suggestion!!
 contact me    
 flag
number of visits: 574