vixysticks's Orange wedding

I like what your inserts are going to say...you are giving your guest an option.

I'm taking the chance of getting boo'd right now, but if I were a guest, I would not consider this to be a tacky gesture at all.   I know what wedding etiquette & tradition says, but really...do we break the "wedding laws" for customizing OUR weddings for US?  You're right, times are hard.   In my opinion, sending money to someone is not only practical, but it saves me the time,  & gas (in some cases) of looking for the gift, if I dont go online.  Plus, your guests can send what is financially feasible for their own wallets.  BTW, the poem was cute, & I hope that your guests understand & are very generous to you & your family on this special occasion.  Good Luck!

that is a cute poem, did you come up w/ it yourself?
i don't think it's tacky at all. since you two have been living together, you probably already have everything you need for the house...

Screw wedding etiquette! I think it's cute and you should do whatever you want. We are in the same position, we have a house and everything we need too and would love to put the money together and buy something awesome for us. We aren't doing the registry either. People have been asking my mom what to get us and she just tells them the same thing...cash is preferred so we can buy something nice for ourselves.

I like the poem, it is really nice.
I like it, but i think the first part of the poem where  you talk about being together for 6 years, and have two kids kind of sounds like there is no need to have a wedding, you are already a combined family!!  

I would just leave out that part, and go with the second.

I dont think its tacky at all. Your right, if you already have pots and pans and other things that appear on a registry, why make guests buy things that will go to waste? Plus, you give them an option so its not like you are demanding cash. I think its appropriate.

It is a very cute poem and about the nicest way you can put it but I would still send it in the save the dates at most. Really I think on your website above any other registries would be best. You're not supposed to put any registry info in your invite so why would this be an exception, even if it is cute?

Just to add, there is NOTHING wrong with asking for money, times have changed but  just not in your invite.

I sent out the save the dates like 4 months ago, and not all of my family has internet access.  how do people usually send registry info??

by the time of the weddig we would be living together 3 years and together 5 years. We are still doing a gift registry i like getting new things! we are doing the money dance at our reception, my best friend did a gift registery and the money dance at her wedding last july and she got 480 that they took on their honeymoon!

I will play the devil's advocate here. Here are some of my opinions (in no way meant to offend people).

Registry and or gift information is not included in the invites because you should't allude to the idea of people being required to bring a gift. Gifts should not be expected at all. (now we all know people come with gifts) but you shouldn't have a wedding expecting people will give you something. This is the reason mentioning gifts/registry is tacky...you're basically asking for a gift...that's how it looks like even if you include "if you were thinking"

Now as far as asking specifically for cash. Although its easier to give money...its not easier to give a 20 as opposed to a gift that costs a 20. People feel more generous to give a smaller but good gift that didn't cost a lot than having to put the 20 in the envelope.

I don't know anything about you or your guests but I can tell you that if I got an invitation that had a poem like that I would be offended (even though I always give money...and always a pretty generous amount) its the fact that you're pointing out what your guests should give you (i know registry is the same thing you tell people what to get you) but when it comes to cash rules are a little bit different.

Word of mouth is the best way to spread this...have your bridal party and family drop little hints saying you guys have everything etc...but I do not recommend "asking" people for cash.

You will make the best decision for you. This is just my opinion on this matter and I hope it helps you think things through.

Alright, here is my 2 cents worth...
I personally don't think asking for cash instead of presents is tacky. Or if it is, then registering for gifts is even more tackier!
When we go to somebody's birthday party with a present how would we feel if the person said to us: "Hey, I saw that awesome coffemaker in this and that shop, could you pls pick it up on your way here? Oh and while there, I love that $500 vacum cleaner too!"
But this is what goes with weddings. Unless the couple states CLEARLY NO PRESENTS /CASH, people will always assume giving gifts/cash upon receiving their invitations.
So, I don't think it's tacky either way. We are 'preferring' cash as well, mainly because we've been living together for 6 years and the wedding is abroad.
Good luck!

I have to agree with Marta12,

Asking for a gift/cash is a little tacky...Personally i would not put anything in the invitations, then people will either give you cash, or get you a gift, which you can always return for store credit where they got it from(if you don't get a gift receipt!!). I don't care how much stuff you have, its never to late to redecorate, or get some cloths, kids grow out of cloths really quickly. I know you could use it for "something".

We registered at bed bath and beyond for an expensive knife set and that was it, we also put gift cards on it. We registered for one item at Target and gift cards there as well. Two stores, two items, and didn't tell ANYONE!    :)

Then the guests started to asked our families what we needed since we didn't register anywhere and they were the ones who told them that we have lived together and had all we needed, we had in our tiny apartment and that we were saving up for a house (which we are). This way they never directly asked for money for us, but dance around the subject and $3,000.00 cash later, I guess they got it   :)

Good luck my dear!

MY TURN-- I like the idea of the little poem that you are adding in with your invitations.  I was skeptical about asking for monetary gifts, but it's reality!  The gift of attending and cash are the two best gifts to give.

Here I go again....

Before I even read the other's post, I copied and pasted what you've come up with for my very on invites.  (stealing your idea). Like you, I've been in a relationship for 4 years, we own our own home and basically, we have sheets, towels, cake pans, etc....

I would appreciate a monetary gift any day.  I mean with the economy rising (and it's not the guest fault or problem by far) I'd appreciate it so much more.  On a more positive note, you didnt ask or suggest they give anything, but only if they do, you'd prefer cash.  I would rejoice at an invite like that through my mail.  Write my check and on to the wedding I go.

The dilemma of how to ask for money as a wedding gift without it seeming tacky is very common nowadays...especially those  couples (like me) who are planning and paying for their wedding and with the cost of weddings rising it is totally understandable that most would prefer to receive a monetary gifts. Yes most wedding etiquette definitely frowns on either coming right out and boldly asking guests for money or including a request for cash in your wedding invitations, but how many of us planning our weddings the way we want them PLANNED!!! So feel free to do whatever you want. However, I would remove the "we have been together for 6 years, 2 kids" thing....I'm sure that people already are aware of that and most have experienced or are aware of how hard times can be; so I would say "Whatever you would like to give us is wonderful, the choice is yours, we are registered at "Macys" but money is at the top of our wedding wish list to help pay for ………….” Anyway, best wishes!!!

I'm really torn with this too. In October, my FH and I will be together for 7 years. We also have two kids and a house of our own. I'm going to try to spread it word of mouth but at the same time, I don't want people to feel they HAVE to bring a gift. That's not the reason we're having the wedding. We just want to include these people on a day that we feel is really important to us.

I have the same problem  but mine is way worse:

while the books say it's not polite to ask for money - i say screw the books

but my soon to be mother in law is putting on our insert cards "adult only reception"   and also the words "wishing well"  

I cringed at those words and I'm also stuck between a rock and a hard place.

by the time we get married we would have been together for 4 years, we have one child together and i have 2 from a previous relationship. iwe have a house and everything that goes inside and outside of it. do i need more things...probably not, but will i  register, of course. guests are going to buy you presents, so why not register for something. my toaster could retire and i wouldnt mind receiving a new one. will i write cash gifts anywhere, NO. i will leave that up to my family and wedding party to answer those questions. when guests ask them what we need they can inform them that a cash gift would be ok because we would be getting ready to move and buy another home.

Take it from me no one has to give you anything.  I think that once you are invited to a wedding you should give something even if it is 10 dollars.  Or a homemade jar of jam, anything is better than nothing.  This is the reason i am glad we went to the justice of the peace.  We were struggling to make ends meet after my husband had to stop working because he has a bad heart.  We wanted to have a wedding to get the families together and have a good time, my mother passed away not too long before than and my side of the family needed to have a boost and on his side his daddy passed away like a year before we were to get married.  Even though everyone knew of our situation we got nothing but a few gift cards and a few dollars.  Yeah we could have got nothing but every time we were invited to a wedding even if we could not make it we would give them something as a gift.  The thing is as much money as you spend on having a beautiful wedding with all the bells and whistles alot of family and friends dont mind you stating what you want.  Alot of people will disagree but if someone asks what you want or need  let them know what you really want.

Its a cute way of saying what you really feel.  Getting more stuff that you don't need or have a place for is silly.  But you left it open for anyone who wants to give a physical gift rather than just cash.  People are usually happy to get some kind of guidance on what is really going to be the most appreciated gift!  I would make a point of mentioning on the Thank You cards what exactly you put the money towards.  That way people feel like they contributed in a real way to something tangible.

As for tacky/not tacky- see my blog for a rant about why the "Tacky" label should be abandoned for wedding discussions!  Its about personalizing and making the day about you two as a couple.  There will always be someone who thinks almost any idea you can come up with is tacky, so who cares!?  Have fun!