Jan 21, 2009

I now have an ex-bridesmaid. To fully appreciate the reasoning for me replacing my bridesmaid you have to hear the story from the beginning.

Let's go back to May of last year. I asked my friend to be my bridesmaid. I gave her a list of bridesmaid duties (according to the knot). She read through them, and had no problem with any of them. She was super excited for about two weeks. We went dress shopping in June. She was kind of excited. She had just broken up with her boyfriend who was planning to propose. So I figured I'd give her some space. After all it's not fun helping plan a wedding when you no longer are planning a wedding too. I refrained from talking about the wedding for a few months.

When we picked up the dress in October she showed no enthusiasm at all. We went to Michael's after picking up her dress. She had agreed to come along to help shop for my DIY projects. She spent the whole time aloof. I had to ask her the same questions over and over again. She spent the majority of the time searching for pieces to make a necklace she had decided to make after we got there. I was so disappointed in her lack of interest. I figured this is normal. She's not excited because the wedding is so far away.

Fast forward to November. When I call her she rarely answers. When she does answer I try to bring her up to speed on wedding planning. She immediately changes the subject. In January I find out from her facebook that she is moving. Of course I called her to find out what's going on. She tells me she might be moving to Texas, but she wasn't sure yet. I told her to let me know as soon as she knew. I also told her that my wedding dress would be arriving any day. I told her hopefully it would arrive before she moved so she could help me try it on, and see it in person since she didn't go dress shopping with me. I found out from her facebook later that week that she wasn't moving. Seriously she couldn't call to tell me??? I called her to give her my support since she was going to be without her boyfriend while he was almost a thousand miles away for work. I told her we should have a double date before he leaves. I find out mid January from her facebook that her boyfriend is on his way down to Texas. Now I'm starting to get irritated by her lack of communication.

I called her to tell her my dress was going to be at the shop the next day. It'd be here sometime that week because they were shipping it to me. My dress came in a few days later so I called her. She didn't answer. The next day she called me, but only because she needed directions to my college that she was transferring to. I gave her step by step directions directly to the college, to the parking lot she needed to be in, to the door she needed to go to, and to the office she needed to be at. Once she made it to her destination I mentioned my dress. She told me she would call me back. She called me back later to whine about her day of registration. After a period of silence I brought up my dress, and once again she told me she'd have to call me back. She never called me back. I called the next day, but she didn't answer. Finally I gave up on having her help me try my dress on. I had a friend help me try my dress on. I was beside myself. My bridesmaid showed no interest in helping me try my dress on. Nor did she care about seeing it! I showed her the pictures online. She didn't ask who helped me try it on. All she said was oh it's pretty. Then she changed the subject as I tried to tell her I needed to lose weight to fit into it better. This was the last straw!

I sent her a message on facebook since she wasn't answering her phone. I asked her very nicely if she still wanted to be a bridesmaid. She said yea why wouldn't I? I sent a message back saying," Well, I've noticed that you haven't been very excited or interested in anything wedding related since you and Jared broke up. I know you are really busy. I know you have a lot on your mind. So I've been thinking about this for awhile. I figured it'd be better if you were a gift attendant. You can still wear the dress to the wedding. I just think it'd fit your schedule better as you wouldn't have any responsibility except showing up on the wedding day. I know it's crappy, but I think it's in the best of both of our interest." Of course my now ex-bridesmaid threw a fit like a baby, and told me to forget about it. I could have my bridesmaid dress back, because that was the biggest load of horse shit she had ever heard. I had tried being civil, but I had had it! We should of been talking about this over the phone not over facebook! So I explained to her why I didn't want her to be my bridesmaid anymore with all of the things listed above included. She claimed I never asked her to help! Then she said besides your wedding isn't until August.

OMG! I can't believe she said that! I have waited since March of last year for my dress to get here, and she didn't even understand why I wanted to try it on so soon! Seriously?!!?!?!?!? So I gave her a list of the things that need to be done before the wedding. There is a lot of stuff that has to be done before the wedding! When she messaged me back she didn't even acknowledge the list of things that she needed to do before the wedding. I am so glad I replaced her! My other friends and my fiance were telling me they figured this would happen. They couldn't understand how I didn't see how self absorbed my now ex-bridesmaid is. Obviously I do now! She's even playing the "I'm the victim" game now!
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No bridesmaid
's  wedding
San antonio, TX, USA
This sucks big time! Better for you to find out now than for her to flake at the last minute, right? Don't let her play the victim card on you. There is give and take to every relationship, and it sounds like you have given till it hurt, literally. Screw that.
tiggre99's Red wedding
Fairfax, VA, USA
wow, sorry you had to go through this.  at least you were brave enough to nip this in the butt before it really got out of hand and you were in dire need of her help.  She sounds like she was a taker not a giver.  you'll be a little bit less stressed now that she isn't involved.  Sometimes its hard to see how people really are until you need them for something like this.  It reminds of that song "true colors".  Don't let her get to you....you said your piece, she said hers, now its best to move on and not look back.
's  wedding
Peterborough, ON, Canada
I'm sorry to hear all this.. sounds SO frustrating. This reminds me of one of my girls I am going to ask to be my bridesmaid.. she's so like this and I'm afraid of this stuff happening! Our best man is her ex who she is desperately not over so I'm worried too. I hate the victim thing! Cant stand it!! UGH! like get over it! I'm glad that you replaced her as well!
aussinurse's White wedding
London, London, city of, United kingdom
oh dear!
well you know, better that you deal with it now, than for a supposed bridesmaid to act up or be unsupportive on your big day
xoxo  i think you've made a really wise decision.  
good job =0)
irishpocahontas's Purple wedding
Cork, Cork, Ireland
Good on you for letting her know you werent taking any more of her s**t - and I am happy you also used facebook as that seems to be the only method of communication she actually understands!

I know it seems a little horrible now but you were right in what you did based on what you said above. You gave her lots of chances you did the running after her you are the one getting married from the sounds of it she would have probably have been the one wanting to be nurtured by you on your day so this was prob the biggest blessing in disguise, time will tell why.
scheri's Chocolate wedding
Edmonton, AB, Canada
I had to cut a girlfriend from my bridal party.  Was sad to lose a friend but I am so glad I didn't have to deal with her drama.
purplenat1's Purple wedding
Lafayette, IN, USA
That was very brave of you to confront the situation head on. A lot of other women would probably just have ignored the issue. Hopefully this ex-BM will grow up a bit and realize how self-centered she was, and maybe you can be friends again. But if she doesn't, you're better off. Fewer good friends are definitely better than many bad ones.
schevianne's Pink wedding
Philippine, Helmand, Philippines
Oh, sorry you had to go through something like that, it's awful. Some people are just so self-centered. I'm glad you did the right choice!

And now it's only 2 months away from your wedding. How's everything? Hope it's going fine.^_^

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