The Most Important Part...

Writing our Ceremony So We Fully Mean Every Word

As I said before, My FH, N and I really want our wedding to ring true to who we are, and we figured the best way to do that was to customize our wedding ceremony and write it ourselves.

It's been a lot of work putting it all together, and we started by discussing the wedding traditions that were and were not important to us, and then talked about what concepts/themes we really wanted discussed during the ceremony and what types of emotions we wanted to evoke through our words. (Thank God for the internetz - we have found so many great ideas through other couple's ceremonies! Anytime I found something that gave me the warm fuzzies, I showed it to him, and if it registered at least an 8 on his
1-10 scale, we put it in the ceremony, rewording things as we see fit.)

Now anytime I'm feeling the stress of wedding planning, I come back to this and it puts it all back into perspective. The little details are great, and can add so much, but our wedding is a celebration of the commitment we are making, and that should be our primary focus. As I read it, I can picture the ceremony and just get chills about our day, even after going over it for the 30th time!

Prepare yourselves: this is loooooong, but if you're looking for something that goes beyond tradition, this may spark some of your own ideas and it will be worth reading!

Introduction
Before we begin, N and J, take a few deep breaths, leave any stress and negativity behind and fill yourselves up with love, happiness, and joy. Settle into these surroundings and be present to the beauty of this moment, this occasion, and this place. Whenever you are worried or stressed in every day matters, may you recall this beautiful day, this joyous ceremony and the commitment of love that you shared here today, and give you the strength and wisdom you need to handle any challenge that comes your way. (Please be seated.)



Now that we’re officially ready, welcome everyone! J and N have arranged this gathering of family and friends to affirm their love and commitment to one another. Together, the two of you have written this ceremony, and customized it so that it represents what’s most important to both of you: your values, your interests, the experiences you’ve shared, and your uniqueness as a couple.

My being up here, performing the ceremony is a part of that…Shortly after you were engaged, N called me up and asked me if I would officiate the ceremony. He and I go way back, growing up in the same small town much like M…happy, honored, blah, blah, blah...

The ceremony that the two of you have created is personally meaningful, and rings true to each of you. Most importantly, because you have chosen your words so carefully, you fully mean every word that is said here today and they resonate deep within both of you. For many years to come you will remember this day; yet, beyond the fragrant flowers, beyond the carefully selected music, beyond the expressions of joy and encouragement from family and friends, and beyond the albums filled with picturesque memories, you will remember the words said here today. You are joining together because of your love for each other, and because you are committed to sharing equally in both the highs and lows of the days to come.

Life is a story. It has a beginning, a middle, and an end. And, like a story, it is best experienced with the people you love. You are all here today because you are a part of N and J’s story. Each of you bring something special to their lives. Some of you have known one or both of them for years - and some of you are meeting one of them for the very first time today. But whether you’re an old friend or a newly acquired relation, you have a special place in their hearts. J and N also want to acknowledge and remember the souls of their beloved family and friends who cannot be here with us today, especially N's Grandma and Grandpa S., his Grandpa A., and J's Great Grandpa S., but we know they are here with us in spirit celebrating with us. We love you, and we miss you. [Brief moment of silence.]



Some of you are participating in this wedding by standing up with N and J, a few of you will be adding your voices to the ceremony, and some more will be participating by laughing and crying along with us. This is a festive occasion and J and N hope you will laugh out loud, clap, and joyfully participate in their ceremony. Also, I'm told there is a kiss at the end. :) Each and every one of you are invited to actively participate, and were invited to warm and bless N's and J's rings before the ceremony, with instructions to hold them, and warm them with your love and well-wishes for their future together. If you missed this, their rings will be making their way around again during the ceremony, so please take a moment and add your well-wishes for them. When their rings come back to them they will contain, in their precious metal, that which is far more precious, that which is priceless – your love and hope and pledge of support for their marriage.





So, now that we all understand our roles here today, we will begin the ceremony.

Definition of Marriage
N’s and J’s story begins (we’ll give Tiny the basics, and he can tell the story his way – how we met, bliss that we felt, naturalness and ease of our relationship, knew this was big from the beginning, proposal perhaps, N's circle of friends harassing him with constant questions of “did you ask yet?”, Tiny’s stories of N…I'm sure many laughs will ensue during this part!)



It is heart-warming to witness a couple so wonderfully suited for one another come together in marriage. N and J, you each possess individual gifts and talents, and your unique personalities play off one another with ease. You truly bring out the best in each other. Watching the two of you brings pure delight to the rest of us to see how incredibly happy two people can be.
[<---Tiny can kind of make this section his own, using his own words...]

Your wedding today is an exquisite and beautifully choreographed first step or your new journey together. Your marriage will lead to many places, including ones you cannot possibly ever imagine. Wherever it takes you, there will be surprises, and it will take you where you had not expected to go. As you begin this new chapter in your lives, remember, all of your yesterdays have led you to today, and your love will lead you into tomorrow. Love will prevail.

It is a wonderful thing to look ahead and envision what your life will be like together. However, marriage is a bond to be entered into only after considerable thought and reflection. As with any aspect of life, it has its cycles, its ups and its downs, its trials and its triumphs. By and large, the most important part about marriage, the most important part of what you’re doing today, is the lifetime commitment you are making. You have chosen each other freely, joining your life with your partner through all of life’s seasons. Because this is not a sometimes-thing, don’t base your marriage on the feelings you have for one another now. As you stand here today, your feelings for each other are filled with joy and gladness. That’s great, but since feelings change, make your commitments as a matter of will: You choose each other to share the many years of life, period. You choose not just for today, but for all your tomorrows, not just for joy and good times, but for all times, even those that are troubled and sad.

With full understanding of this, you have come here today to be joined as one in marriage.

And when you do find yourselves in challenging times, I ask you to reflect on this marriage advice:
Let your love be stronger than your anger.
Learn the wisdom of compromise, for it is better to bend than to break.
Look for the best in your beloved rather than the worst.
Confide in your partner and ask for help when you need it.
Remember that true friendship is the basis for any lasting relationship.
Give your spouse the same courtesies and kindnesses you bestow on your friends.
When you say “I love you”, mean it.

Marriage requires that both people work to help each other learn, grow and prosper. If each of you are more responsible for what you think, feel, say and do, and are aware of the other's feelings and desires, it will go a long way to making your marriage thrive. Be patient, understanding, honest and open. Constantly communicate and be willing to admit you are wrong.

We need to recognize, as often as we can, how precious and unique our chosen partner is. Within each of us, there is an inherent quality that can be discovered by seeing it in the other person, despite what the other is saying or doing.

Song: “Stay with You”
Performed by Amy and Grant

We’ve been together for awhile now,
We’re growin stronger every day now.
It feels so good and there is no doubt,
I will stay with you.

As each morning brings the sunrise,
And the flowers bloom in springtime,
On my lovin you can rely, yeah
And I’ll stay with you.

Oh, I will stay with you,
Through the ups and the downs.
Oh, I will stay with you
When no one else is around.
When the dark clouds arrive,
I will stay by your side.
I know we’ll be alright,
I will stay with you.

And, there will be heartache and pain, yeah
Through it all, we will remain.
In this life, we all know
Friends may come, and they may go.
But through the years, I know, I will stay.

In the end, I know that we’ll find
A love so beautiful and divine.
We’ll be lovers for a lifetime, yeah,
And I’ll stay with you.

Oh, I will stay with you,
Through the ups and the downs.
Oh, I will stay with you
When no one else is around.
Through the end of all time,
I will stay with you.

Readings
N and J have taken a lot of time to ensure their wedding reflects who they are as a couple. But their marriage is not only joining their lives together; it is bringing their families together too. Just as their families shaped the two of them, their families will help shape their marriage. In that spirit, J and N wanted to include their voices to their wedding, and asked their brother and sister to choose a reading that was personally meaningful to them to read aloud here today. J and N do not know what they will be reading...



The Pledge
To R and G; C and B, congratulations on the part you have played in raising a son and a daughter that you can be very proud of. They accept a very mature and meaningful task in taking on this marriage. On their behalf, and on behalf of all those gathered here, thank you. As I said before, it is more than their lives that are joined here today; it is your lives as well. Although J and N have embarked on this marriage through personal choice, their marriage will be enriched by the families from which they come.

With this in mind, I ask you, C and B, to take this man, N, into your hearts, that he might live from this day as your son, for he is dear and beloved to J and shall be so to you and your family. Do you?

J's parents: "We do."

And of you, R and G, I ask the same. I ask that you take this woman, J, into your hearts, that she might live from this day as your daughter, for she is dear and beloved to N, and shall be so to you and your family. Do you?

N's parents: "We do."

J and N, do you promise to...

Trust, respect and celebrate each other?
Grow together by unselfishly encouraging, appreciating, nurturing and supporting each other?
Laugh, play and enjoy the simple pleasures together?
Help each other stay focused on the important things in life and not sweat the small stuff?
Greet each other with a hug and a kiss?
Be there and comfort each other always?
Be faithful to each other?

N and J: “We do.”



N and J, may you pledge to each other to be loving friends and partners in marriage. To talk and to listen, to trust and appreciate one another; to respect and cherish each other's uniqueness, and to support, comfort, and strengthen each other through life's joys and sorrows. May you promise to share hopes, thoughts, and dreams as you build your lives together. May you make a home that is the place where you both want to be, the place you can’t wait to get to at the end of the day, forever filled with peace, happiness, and love, kindness and consideration.

To the family and friends of J and N, you have a special purpose. As beloved family and friends, it is you to whom they'’ll turn in the coming years, whether in joy or in sorrow. It is you with whom they’'ll share their happiness, and you to whom they'’ll bring their pain. You will watch their marriage mature; you will watch their children grow. And when hard times come, and the loving support of friends and family is needed, J and N hope to be able to turn to you, just as they will turn to each other. They ask that you commit to them, as they are committing to one another. That just as they pledge to support and protect the other, you pledge to support and protect their relationship, today and always. Help them to keep their hearts open, full of forgiveness and compassion, of happiness and light.

Do you offer N and J your blessing as husband and wife? Please say, we do.

Family & Friends: "We do."

And do you offer their marriage your support, as loving friends and family? Please say, we do.

Family & Friends: "We do."

Vows
J and N wrote their own vows, and shared them together privately before the ceremony. If either of you have anything you want to add at this moment, this is your moment. [Ah, the joys of compromise...the Mister DESPISES public speaking, and he felt much more comfortable doing our vows this way. We'll video tape them and play it during the reception.]

Exchanging of the Rings
I absolutely loved the way Mrs. Lovebug did their ring exchange. She and her husband placed the rings halfway down one another’s finger with words of offering. Then they pulled their rings on the rest of the way themselves, saying words of acceptance. I never would have thought of doing it that way, but for me, personally, it was very meaningful. Making verbal and physical gestures of receipt forces you to really think about what you’re doing: you’re ready to give love, of course. But are you also truly ready to accept it?

Tiny: This is the point in the ceremony when the officiant usually talks about the wedding bands being a perfect circle, having no beginning and no end. But we all know that these rings do have a beginning. Rock is dug up from the earth. Metal is liquefied in a furnace at a thousand degrees. Hot metal is poured into a mold, cooled, and then painstakingly polished. Something beautiful is made from raw elements.

Love is like that. It’s hot, dirty work. It comes from humble beginnings, made by imperfect beings. It’s the process of making something beautiful where there was once nothing at all. Each of you have made them even more special by adding your love and well-wishes to N and J's rings, and they are now ready to give and accept that symbolism of love.

With that in mind, may I have the rings?



Tiny (to N): N, please repeat after me:
In token and pledge of my faithful, abiding love, I offer you this ring.
N: In token and pledge of my faithful, abiding love, I offer you this ring.

Tiny (to J): I accept your gift with joy and gratitude.
J: I accept your gift with joy and gratitude.

Tiny (to J): In return, I offer you this ring as token and pledge of my faithful, abiding love.
J: In return, I offer you this ring as token and pledge of my faithful, abiding love.

Tiny (to N): I accept your gift with joy and gratitude.
N: I accept your gift with joy and gratitude.

“Blessing of the Hands"
J, please hold N’s hands palms up, so you may see the gift that they are to you. These are the hands of your best friend, young and strong and vibrant with love, that are holding yours on your wedding day, as he promises to passionately love you and cherish you through the years, for a lifetime of happiness.

These are the hands that will work alongside yours, as together you build your future, as you laugh and cry, as you share your innermost secrets and dreams.

These are the hands that will countless times wipe the tears from your eyes; tears of sorrow and tears of joy.

These are the hands that will comfort you in illness, and hold you when fear or grief engulfs your heart.

These are the hands that when wrinkled and aged will still be reaching for yours, still giving you the same unspoken tenderness with just a touch.

These are the hands that will tenderly lift your chin and brush your cheek as they raise your face to look into his eyes; eyes that filled completely with his overwhelming love and desire for you.

Now N, I would like for you to look at your hands right now, really look and them and remember this moment, because I truly hope that you realize that this will be the very last time you will ever have the upper hand! (Laughter …)



N, please hold J’s hands palms up, so you may see the gift that they are to you.

These are the hands of your best friend, smooth, young and carefree, that are holding yours on your wedding day, as she promises to passionately love you and cherish you through the years, for a lifetime of happiness.

These are the hands that will massage tension from your neck and back in the evenings when you complain that your body is falling apart.
These are the hands that will hold you tight as you struggle through difficult times.
These are the hands that will comfort you when you are sick, or console you when you are grieving.
These are the hands that when wrinkled and aged will still be reaching for yours, still giving you the same unspoken tenderness with just a touch.
These are the hands that will give you support as she encourages you to chase down your dreams.

Together as a team, everything you wish for can be realized. God, bless these hands that you see before you this day. May they always be held by one another. Give them the strength to hold on during the storms of stress and the dark of disillusionment. Keep them tender and gentle as they nurture each other in their wondrous love. Help these hands to continue building a relationship founded in your grace, rich in caring, and devoted in reaching for your perfection. May N and J see their four hands as healers, protectors, shelter and guides. We ask this in your name. Amen

Harmony Symbolism Idea
Note: The groom will need to have a fresh rose or another flower. If a particular kind of flower is being used for decoration, he may want to use that kind. The best man can hold it until this part of the ceremony or it can be placed in an inconspicuous place where it’s easily reached.

The bride will need a bud vase with water in it. This should be placed before the ceremony in an easily accessible spot – behind the lectern, for example. Either the maid of honor or the officiate can get it for her just prior to this part of the ceremony.

Officiate:
This is a day steeped in tradition. We are surrounded by symbols of all kinds; something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue. We are comforted and encouraged by the familiarity of such symbols and yet we know that a marriage cannot survive if it looks only to the past. Therefore, J and N have elected today to begin a new tradition, a custom which now becomes uniquely their own.

Groom:
J, I give to you this flower. Because this beautiful flower grew from a tiny seed, it symbolizes the way my love for you has grown. From the first faint tingling of its inception, it has become stronger and larger until today it blossoms for all to see. (He gives her the flower). Each year on our wedding anniversary, I will give you another flower. In so doing, I will remember this day and renew the vows we’ve made. I am confident that each year my flower will be symbolic of ever deeper and more beautiful feelings of love.

Bride:
N, I give to you this vase of water. (He takes it and holds it.) Because water is the one element without which we would surely perish, it symbolizes the importance of your love in my life. Water, like love, can take many forms. Sometimes it is steam, sometimes ice. But no matter what happens to it, even if, for a time it seems to disappear, it always returns. Each year on our anniversary, I will refill this vase, offering it to you as a symbol of my ever renewing feelings of love. (She puts the flower in the vase and they both hold the vase together.)

Groom:
Without water, the flower would die.

Bride:
Without the flower, the vase of water would not be beautiful.

Groom:
My gift is enhanced by yours, just as my life is enhanced by yours.

Bride:
My gift is lovely because of yours, just as my life is better because of you. (They hand the rose and vase to the officiate).

Officiate:
On each anniversary, as you re-enact the giving and receiving of the rose and the water, may you remember with joy this day when you pledge your love and lives to each other. May this be only the first of many cherished traditions in a home filled with happiness.

Closing Thoughts
J and N, remember that a relationship is a progression; your love will have seasons like Nature itself. There is an old Chinese proverb that says: “The Journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step…” and now your journey has begun, and a new chapter has started in your story.

Native American (Apache) Blessing
I would now like to end this celebration with this very special blessing used in Apache wedding ceremonies:

May the sun bring you new happiness by day;
May the moon softly restore you by night;
May the rain wash away your worries
And the breeze blow new strength into your being,
And all the days of your life
May you walk gently through the world and know its beauty.

"Now you will feel no rain, for each of you will be shelter for the other. Now you will feel no cold, for each of you will be warmth to the other. Now there will be no loneliness, for each of you will be companion to the other. Now you are two persons, but there is only one life before you. May beauty surround you both in the journey ahead and through all the years. May happiness be your companion and your days together be good and long upon the earth."

"Treat yourselves and each other with respect, and remind yourselves often of what brought you together. Give the highest priority to the tenderness, gentleness and kindness that your connection deserves. When frustration, difficulties and fear assail your relationship, as they threaten all relationships at one time or another, remember to focus on what is right between you, not only the part which seems wrong. In this way, you can ride out the storms when clouds hide the face of the sun in your lives -- remembering that even if you lose sight of it for a moment, the sun is still there. And if each of you takes responsibility for the quality of your life together, it will be marked by abundance and delight."

Declaration of Marriage
J and N, in the presence of your family and friends who have joined you to share this moment of joy in your lives, you have declared your deep love and affection for each other. You have stated your wish to always be open to a deeper, richer friendship and partnership. You have formed your own union, based on respect and honor. Therefore, it is my joyful responsibility to officially acknowledge your union as "Husband and Wife". You may now seal your marriage with a kiss.

Add Some Fun
Have your attendants hold up rating cards after the marriage declaration/kiss or an “APPLAUSE” sign.


Introduction of Newlyweds
“Ladies and Gentlemen, it is my privilege to present to you for the first time Mr. and Mrs. N and J A.” Cue a kick-ass song and head back up the aisle!




Hope you enjoyed it! Feel free to incorporate any part of this into your own ceremony and make it your own!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My Vows (for anyone interested)
Nate, today, I commit my life to yours. You are my best friend, and I feel so incredibly blessed that I get to be with you. Even better, I (*I!) have the honor of spending the rest of my life with you as your partner, as your wife. I look at us in awe and wonder how we ever got so lucky; I feel like I must have won the love lottery because you’re everything I wanted in a partner (and God knows I had a list!)... but you're all of those things I thought I wanted AND so much more: When we first met, I was immediately taken with how genuine you are. What you see is what you get, Nate, and I adore that in you. You can be so thoughtful and considerate, even if it's a small thing, like asking me if I want something to drink while you're in the kitchen. It's so engrained into you, you don't even think about it, and it's a big part of why I love you. Your silly ways make me laugh, and you make my heart smile over and over again, like your daily cuddle time with Chlo-Bear; yet you can be serious, and you open my eyes to new ideas, new experiences, and new things. Your creative talent amazes me – I am so proud of you for every single thing you create, whether it's one of your paintings, a sketch for your next children's book, a new website, our Christmas card...it's all mind-blowingly good, and you're humble about it, which makes it all the more charming. And I get such a kick out of your love and appreciation of music, especially when you get the fake mic out and start singing to me at the top of your lungs! (The best part is, you sound pretty good and it's so much fun to join in!) And you absentmindedly whistling while you're working on the computer? Really, it's one of my favorite things about you Nater and it just speaks volumes about who you are and how you choose to live your life. I could go on and on about all of the things I love about you, but basically, what I’m trying to say, is that Nate, I love you, I love you, I LOVE YOU. You are goofy and beautiful and crazy and make every day a story worth telling. You make me a better person.

Pretty soon it will be official, but for a long time it's been you and me: We go together; we just make sense. I am so so happy that life brought us together.

My vows to you are fairly simple, and come from the song Amy and Grant sang: Nate, because I love you, I will stay with you, with life’s ups, and with life’s downs. During the great and good times, I promise that I will appreciate the moments. During the average times, or the mundane times when it’s easy to get caught up in the day-to-day activity of everyday life, I promise to pause for a minute, and appreciate all of the qualities and things you bring in to our marriage. And when things get tough – when we lose a loved one, or dark clouds come our way – I will be with you, and together - you and I - we’ll get through it.

Through it all, I promise to treat you the way you want to be treated and with the respect you so richly deserve. Each day, I promise to continually build your trust with my actions and words. Nate, you can rely on me, my love, a lot of laughter, and my companionship, and I promise to live a life that will honor these vows, and make you glad to have married me this day. More than anything, I want to make a home with you that is the place we both want to be. I look forward to us being side by side, hand in hand, as long as we're lucky enough to live, and I vow today that I will love you, care for you, and honor you all of my life.